Says Who?

AT HOME WITH SAYSWHOVIA

Episode Summary

You're not going anywhere, so join Maureen and Dan at home.

Episode Notes

Well, SaysWhovia, here we are again! At home. Where we have been, and will be for the time being. Remember out? No, neither do we.

But it’s okay! Dan and Maureen are here to talk about at home stuff, in details. Grocery wiping! Mask etiquette! Nightly wipings! Other things that didn’t exist before! But, as always, SaysWhovia is a completely safe place to visit. You can come and go as you like. No hand washing required!

So, when you’re done Lysoling your mail, hop on over to the town square. We’ll be waiting for you.

Episode Transcription

Dan:

This episode of Says Who is brought to you by you. Wow. That was enthusiastic. Through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho. It is the thing that helps this happen. And it is the thing that gets you stuff very specifically, if you support at the town watch or above level, that is $5 a month or up. You get bonus content and we are sheltering in place and recording things, and are committed to trying to get something out every week for your town watch people. So sign up, get content in your ear holes at patreon.com/sayswho.

Maureen:

Hey there, this is your friend Maureen. Do you want to go somewhere else when you can't go somewhere else? Why not try books? Books are these things, you read them and they take you to various places throughout the imaginary and really universe. I've written books. You can read any books. It's a good time for it. With the dog, [inaudible 00:01:10] sorry, that's not a book thing, but it could be. I've written a book called Truly Devious, it's a part of three, Truly Devious, the Vanishing Stare, The Hand on the Wall. If you want to, if you're like heard about these books, but I didn't know if they were for me. Why not give them a go right now? What else are you going to do? What else are you going to do?

Dan:

It's a good point.

Maureen:

Yeah.

Dan:

Nothing.

Maureen:

Books.

Dan:

And.

Maureen:

And.

Dan:

You perhaps need a shirt on sometimes for like a video call or something. Otherwise, all bets are off. Or maybe you need something to hold your coffee in or you need other items. We make them with Says Who things on them at Merch. M-E-R-C-H.sayswhopodcast.com. The people that make them are still making them just takes a little bit longer but still can get it. In fact, just today I got a bunch of shipping notices, so things are heading out and you can wear them on your chest parts. That sounded gross.

Maureen:

Not good, but I like it.

Dan:

That sayswho.podcast.com.

Maureen:

Just parts. Hey Dan, what do you got going on today? What'd you doing?

Dan:

I'm going to... thinking about staying in Maureen, how about you? What's on the old Johnson agenda today?

Maureen:

Actually, I'm going to stay in, stay inside.

Dan:

Sounds good. What'd you get up to yesterday?

Maureen:

It's funny because I stayed in.

Dan:

Oh yeah, same. Same. How about the day before?

Maureen:

Stayed in. Weekend. How was your weekend?

Dan:

Yeah, it was fine. We stayed in.

Maureen:

Stayed in, yeah. Next weekend, staying in.

Dan:

Thinking about staying in next weekend.

Maureen:

Yeah. Oh, but this, you know I'm saying in for that. Okay. Welcome to Says Who podcast. It isn't a podcast.

Dan:

It's a coping strategy. I am Dan Sinker.

Maureen:

And I'm Maureen Johnson. How are you doing Dan?

Dan:

The squad is gone. I'm same.

Maureen:

You're shaking it up, shaking the tree.

Dan:

Every day is the same. I was awake for a bunch of the night last night Maureen Johnson, because someone, not going to name names, but someone peed the bed.

Maureen:

Dan come on name names.

Dan:

All right. It was the four year old.

Maureen:

Oh, surprise.

Dan:

He is fully potty trained other than at night and we have run out of diapers. And so, Janice and I, smart parents extraordinaire said, "Well, now he'll just sleep without diapers." It's smart. Good thinking. We're smart people. We're very smart parents. But the bed was very wet.

Maureen:

Little man.

Dan:

Was very wet. It was a very wet night. Got things got wet and wild over at our house.

Maureen:

Do you have like a rubber, like a trash bag or anything down between the sheets and the bed or?

Dan:

No, no, no, no. That would be smart. You know the thing to do.

Maureen:

Trash bag with a towel on top of it?

Dan:

Just let him sleep in his own filth. That's how we do things around here. We're good parents. We're good parents. Oh my God, Maureen, how are we dealing? My kids are on spring break this week.

Maureen:

Oh, well that's nice for them.

Dan:

And just really having fun. We're just having a good time. Oh, spring break good times around here. It's very different than every other day that they're in school.

Maureen:

Except they're even less school.

Dan:

Yeah. We have decided to attempt to keep the four year old on his school schedule I believe we'll all lose our minds but-

Maureen:

Does he even know?

Dan:

We're going to do that anyway. He doesn't know. But we're also like, we were running a little late today due to captain pee pants at 3:00 AM.

Maureen:

And the 14 year old is still like-

Dan:

Maureen is a Phi and woken up at 3:00 AM by peeing in pants. I am then awake for the rest of the night because suddenly my brain is like, "Hey, remember doom?" And I'm like, "Oh well, tell me more. Tell me more about doom."

Maureen:

Hi Dan. Yeah. I feel like I can't ever complain because I'm not in my apartment with two children or any note one, five like I don't have that, they're not here.

Dan:

You're in your apartment with a video game developers. So oof.

Maureen:

It's true. I really am. And a dog who has always belonged on a farm. That's the hardest part.

Dan:

Yeah. That's our dog as well.

Maureen:

We sometimes just have to run in circles around the apartment so she can chase us. We'd lose hours to this, but there's nothing else that can be done, because we have to think of all the components of living inside an apartment, like other people, noise, children like... I was on the phone with my friend Kate the other day. She's my agent. She's my friend, she's my everything. And I was on the phone with her when she got the note that said school was closed for the rest of the year.

Dan:

Oof, I didn't know that she's in, where is she?

Maureen:

Denver.

Dan:

Oh wow.

Maureen:

And she said, I knew it was going to happen. I just needed not to be told for a little bit longer. I just needed-

Dan:

There's definitely a level of like, "Just lie to me."

Maureen:

I just needed there to be a possibility that they were going back to school. I needed it not to be a fact yet. And they have a six year old, and an eight year old. Or was he nine?

Dan:

Yeah.

Maureen:

No, he's not nine or is he?

Dan:

It's important that you get this right.

Maureen:

Well, you get the approximate ages and also a teenager is their part of the time. And teenagers, they're like half the time she's 14. And everybody's, in that house, there's varying degrees of success in terms of attention spans and et cetera. But I'm here in New York, Dan with my-

Dan:

It's a challenge.

Maureen:

My video game maker and my dog, and New York, Dan, it's a wonderful town. I love my city.

Dan:

Toddling town. Toddling Town, Isn't that the song?

Maureen:

That's right. Toddling town. In New York, the toddling town, the toddling town, It's just not all around. No, that's not a thing.

Dan:

Are we just making that up now?

Maureen:

Yep. New York the toddling town.

Dan:

Here is like a thing.

Maureen:

Nope.

Dan:

Maybe it's a thing in the other timeline.

Maureen:

Maybe.

Dan:

Could be.

Maureen:

I mean, it's intense here, Dan. It is intense.

Dan:

Yeah, you all are in the thick of it.

Maureen:

Yes. And without say I can't, I'm obviously not going to say where I live, but I will say that I live in a place that is very, there's a lot of activities surrounding. Yeah, I don't live in like a far-flung corner. I live very much in a center of a lot of viral activity. And so, it's around us. Literally, it's around us. But, it's not a hypothetical where we are. So we are very, very, very, very, very careful. And I like to say, every day we give it a run for its money.

Maureen:

And we never break the chain. And if I can't go to sleep, I sit and I think what more, I go over my protocol and make sure it's tight. I don't want to say, I have a tight protocol of when I'm cleaning, where I'm cleaning, how I'm cleaning, how I'm processing. They have finally instituted a rule where, I don't know why it took this long, that only one household party can be on the elevators at a time. Because, there were still people getting on elevators. Like I don't use this. I haven't-

Dan:

I'd have a fucking heart attack if that had happened.

Maureen:

Yeah. I haven't been on an elevator with other people very often. I don't get on because I'm not that person.

Dan:

Right. But you're riding down, and then suddenly the doors open and somebody comes walking on, Oh My God.

Maureen:

And it only happened three or four times. And when this happens, I tuck myself. I'm already tucked in the side because I've dog. So that we always have a place that we stand. I always keep her away from the door, but now, she used to be very reactive. It's a work in progress. So, it was always trouble riding on the elevator with her, because she was reacting to people. But now it's a positive benefit because if I'm standing there with her.

Dan:

Yeah, no problem, just let her loose.

Maureen:

I'm like, go for it, baby. Do your thing when you freak out when the elevator door opens. Nobody's getting on with her.

Dan:

Doors begin to open and you should just yell, "Release the hounds."

Maureen:

I'm like, you don't even have to wear your-

Dan:

Barking right at the doors.

Maureen:

We got her that fancy multicolored muzzle. I don't even put it on her anymore. I'm like, "Honey, you just do your thing." And she's not. That's the thing is that we've worked on this so far, that she's like actually just kind of standing there and I'm like, "Oh no. Go nuts baby. Do that thing where you could lose your goddamn mind." She's like, "No, it's fine."

Dan:

So now if the doors begin to open, you toss a treat out so that she's really going wild?

Maureen:

Dan, mostly people are doing it. And also, it's weird because usually, when you live in a building like this, there's like always comings and goings. And a lot of times I go in the elevator and there's just no activity. Like there's no one else taking it. There's no one else on it. There's no one else, like there's just nobody, which is good. And they've done a lot of good things with say the laundry area. So, we have a laundry room that need a key to get into, and they've instituted all kinds of new rules and they've opened the door so that it's not a closed area anymore.

Maureen:

So there's more air circulation.

Dan:

Oh nice.

Maureen:

I think they've done a lot of really smart things.

Dan:

Deal with the doorknob.

Maureen:

It's a push like a key or not. It's like a pass, like you wave it and it opens it up.

Dan:

Oh okay.

Maureen:

But it's, I think they've done a lot of really smart things and obviously, there's a lot of, the only thing I've done in the last two weeks is that yesterday I took her over to the vet in attempt to get her nails cut because of the old eye injury. But they have a thing now at the vet where you don't go in, they know you're there, you wave through the window because it's all windows. Can I go, "Hey, we're here." And then someone comes out, and you kind of contact them. You kind of hand them, you kind of hold the leash over, and you're both masked so that you're not really in contact with anybody. You know what I mean? It's very kind of a sterile handover.

Dan:

Yeah.

Maureen:

So then they go inside and then you just kind of stand out on the sidewalk like within like basic eye shot of the place. Like you can wander up and down and then when they're done, they kind of wave at you and then you the leash is handed out the door and you take the leash. And after I did that, which was still without contact, I came home and I took her, that was a two hour walk yesterday because I was waiting for the appointment and I just walk her, there's lots of kind of deserted areas.

Maureen:

So I just walk her up and down every empty stretch of sidewalk I can find four hours. That's what we have to do. You have to just, you're generally just, it's like a video game where you're constantly dodging. If you see two people you turn. Then I stripped down, showered, and I hadn't even come in contact with any, I almost brushed the hand of the person who handed me the leash. That was as close as I've come to anybody except, and I have to say this Dan, there's always one, you're doing your best to Dodge and weave and like you're jumping over fences and into shrubs trying to move away from people. And there's those people that just kind of obliviously walk close to you and there's nowhere left for you to go, and you're like, "What are you doing? What are you doing?"

Dan:

Yeah. We have some neighbors that I am fairly sure are actually like sentience COVID inside skin suits that are actively setting up like virus traps to get as many people infected as possible. It's just, it is fucking wild. Like sitting out, like they literally cleaned out their garage the other day, and left stuff out on the curb for people to pick, take. What are you doing? Yeah. She's literally like, what are you doing? What are you doing? Yeah. I think that's the hardest thing to me is like you yourself can have super intense protocols.

Dan:

Like, I spent 45 minutes wiping down groceries yesterday, but you live in the world and as much as we can't go, I'm not going anywhere, but I do have a dog and all of that and I can't control all the people around me. I tell you what, I have been silently judging everyone I'm passing that doesn't have their face fucking covered at this point. And at least where I'm at, in the neighborhood I'm in that is most people still denying to accept.

Maureen:

Can I say something about the face covering? My rule is, so I wear, so I have this old, N95, I did not buy it. It was old. It was in the back of a closet.

Dan:

Yeah.

Maureen:

It was not fit for medical use. It had been kicking around for ages and I think it was used. So we've been wearing these now for three weeks. We wear them always on the elevator, so our standard protocol is mass goes on when we're in the elevator and it comes off when we're outside. Generally, unless we're walking around any areas with people, then it goes back on. I have it around my neck, but now I also have the cloth mask, which I used to cover that.

Maureen:

And then outside I put on the cloth mask, except if I'm in an area and I look around and I'm alone on the block, like there are no people in sight, a hundred feet in any direction. I will temporarily unhook it from one ear to breathe a little bit. The second a person comes into my field of vision, it gets hooked back around my ear. But I feel like taking the mask off when I'm literally alone in the outdoors. I mean truly, and I can see very well around these areas that there is nobody. Then I kind of unhook it to get a little fresh air, because it's all the fresh air. How's that?

Dan:

Yeah, I mean I think that's good. I think that's good. I've been masking up for a while now, but here in Illinois they have now said everyone should do it when they're out and no one is doing it. But we have started or making masks now, where before that I had ordered some basically like head tubes, lightweight head tubes that you can put on. But now we're making cloth masks. We're making them, we're manufacturing at this point essentially, going to get some out to you, Maureen.

Maureen:

I think. No, because we just have the one pair. We each have one cloth mask right now, and I washed them.

Dan:

My goal is that the cloth masks should be for, my protocol, and again, we're all making this shit up. Right? But my protocol is mask, you go out, you come in, mass comes off. Now I moved a small garbage can that was over here by my desk up to by the door, goes in the bin and you wear a new mask the next time you go out and we're doing laundry basically every day now. Things get worst. But yeah, I am trying to mask always, always gets washed after it's been out in the world.

Maureen:

That's good. Now we have, I've only washed the mask once yet because we only have the one. And I figured in the open air, like we also get on that elevator. So, ideally we should be washing them more of what we just have the one, so we've been using the same N95 on that elevator for three weeks. But it's potentially-

Dan:

At least you should maybe have a cloth over that N95 just to keep it.

Maureen:

Well that's what we're trying to do. Is that we're trying to cover it up now. So the cloth mask fits over N95. Then outside N95 gets slowed down, it's around my neck, it's a whole thing Dan. There's a lot of steps. I've also started doing-

Dan:

Sometimes do you hear yourself? And I just was listening to us, and it's fucking insane that we live in this world. Like what the fuck are we talking about? Holy shit. Holy shit. Listen to this-

Maureen:

Dan, honestly though I was brought up by a very hardcore nurse and this is not super far from the life I was trained for. Like in many ways I feel like I'm coming into my own. I'm like, "Well of course."

Dan:

As somebody that that grew up on, cyberpunk fiction and all of this, like I am definitely ready for a master reality. Like I think everyone looks awesome in a mask. Like if you're wearing a mask, you look amazing. I'm here for it. And yet there's still that moment where I snap focus into seeing this from a wide angle. And I'm like, "How in the fuck is this is our world right now?" Like it is remarkably easy to adapt in some ways. And then there are those moments where you realize, "Oh my God."

Maureen:

Well, more than once I've thought about putting on that plastic scoop, a full face mask. Which is a very good barrier against a lot of stuff. You certainly can't touch your face with it on. So, that's good. Two things though, it wouldn't really protect you from the virus because it has an air vent in the top that wouldn't ventilate. It would protect you against you spraying, or you touching your face then you're covered. It's not going to vent. It's not going to take particulates out. And also it would look insane.

Maureen:

It would look insane, like really, really, really insane. And I'm not against looking insane, but this looks particularly insane if you've ever seen it.

Dan:

Yeah. I don't know, I'm here for it. That kind of thing. It's like when do we get to just wear jackets covered with spikes? Amen. When can I start mounting metal plating to my car?

Maureen:

Now. Nothing has ever really stopped you from that.

Dan:

I guess, I mean I don't have a lot of like cast iron skulls laying around.

Maureen:

Now's the time to start gathering.

Dan:

I guess we're learning how to cast. That's what I should be doing. Just need a wax skull.

Maureen:

I saw a video today of someone doing their grocery shopping in full scuba gear with an oxygen tank on their back.

Dan:

Wow.

Maureen:

Yeah, like a full wet suit. The whole thing, full face mask, oxygen, et cetera.

Dan:

That might be a little bit overkill. It seems like getting that off would be very difficult and you would be smearing-

Maureen:

Spray it down.

Dan:

Virus all over yourself in the process. I guess if you had some sort of spray down booth at the entrance of your apartment.

Maureen:

Yeah, I mean like I don't think this was New York.

Dan:

Waddle into the shower fully shower down.

Maureen:

This could have been like Florida or something. You just have somebody at home stand there with a garden hose in the yard and they stand away from you and they just hose you.

Dan:

They just hose you. We're all getting hosed right now. Maureen Johnson, can I shift gears for a second?

Maureen:

If you insist.

Dan:

And give a shout out to Says Whoians that are listening, that are working in hospitals and pharmacies and other medical facilities who have been in the Facebook group. And just absolute respect and admiration for all of you. I know it is a hard run.

Maureen:

There's no thanks enough. There's no thanks enough.

Dan:

Yeah, you all are doing the work.

Maureen:

There's no thanks enough. And for people working in grocery stores and people that are working in-

Dan:

For real.

Maureen:

... sanitation. People that are working like anywhere, anywhere that's keeping things running.

Dan:

People that are delivery drivers.

Maureen:

Honestly, I had to hire someone to do my parents shopping down in Philly because I can't go, I can't leave here. New Yorkers, we can't leave here. Like, that's not right. We can't do it. So I hired someone to do it. And I was like, "I can't thank you enough for doing this." How am I going to thank you? But yeah, this person did my parents shopping. I've been taking care of my parents shopping and my mother said, "I don't think we've ever had this much food in the house." Because I take their shopping lists each week and I triple it, because I'm so, and it's not panic buying. It's just like I get them two extra cans of soup and like I just pick, I just put an extra bunch of stuff on the list because I'm like, "Not all this stuff is going to be available."

Maureen:

So, I'll just get them a selection of things and we'll just kind of see how it goes. But yesterday apparently everything was available, so my mom looked outside and was like, "Oh my God, like all these groceries came." What she's been doing is she puts the extras, like she puts some food in her trunk, and then she has friends who have nobody to shop for them and she's redistributing some of them, so she leaves it on their porch, so it's all kinds of-

Dan:

Oh wow.

Maureen:

And there's kids next door and so she left like a bag with some of the extra lunch meat, for the kids sandwiches, and so the food is getting re-distributed safely around the neighborhood contactless like, she's wiping the bags down, she thinks a whole process and then she carefully gloves, puts them in the trunk and just leaves them by their doorways and then tells her friends the food's outside. So, that food is actually-

Dan:

That's amazing.

Maureen:

So yeah, it's not that my parents are sitting on a gold mine of food, although apparently, I've sent them a lot of food. But also other people are eating the food that can't get to the store. And it's all being done safely.

Dan:

I think it was you. Excuse me. I think it was you on one of these episodes that described grocery delivery right now is like getting a CSA box because you really don't know quite what's coming. You place the order, you get maybe a third of it, maybe another third is replaced. And sometimes it's close replacements and other times it's not. We had a real chaotic evil shopper yesterday. And not sure what criteria they were using for their replacements. But I had put some cookie orders and things in. So, we had oatmeal cream pies in the order and they got replaced by low sodium whole wheat crackers.

Maureen:

Look-

Dan:

Both of them were round.

Maureen:

All right.

Dan:

Yes. Those went in the deep prepper box. We have a small box of food that we have told the 14 year old, "You don't need to worry unless this food comes out."

Maureen:

Right. We have that. Yeah.

Dan:

And now that is in that box as well. Yeah, we have. So what is in yours? Mine is now these low sodium whole wheat crackers, two tins of sardines, a big bottle of V eight. And there's one other thing, I can't remember what it is right now, but yeah, I've told them many times, "When the sardines come out, is when you should worry."

Maureen:

In the box, like I said, I started doing this prep when I got back from Texas and I saw which way the wind was blowing. And I knew these were probably the last times I was going to be able to go to the store. So I got, it's balanced. I counted everything out. It's got two weeks worth of meals in it. It's got sealed up, packaged shelf-stable milk. It's got things like bags of cereal and granola, pasta, pasta sauce, canned tomatoes, can soup, vegetarian ramen, like packets and miso soup packets.

Maureen:

Coconut milk cans of, so like I can turn basically anything into like a ramen or a stir fry or whatever based on that. Has a couple packs of cookies and chocolate in there, just a few, not a lot. It's contained and it's filled to the lid and the lid is just pressed on, but it's also got, I've got three things of shelf-stable, orange juice, V eight Gatorade, some sparkling water can-

Dan:

Man, you're really set.

Maureen:

And then a box of shelf stable little milk, individual milk containers. Like kids would pack in their lunch.

Dan:

Wow. Man, you're on it. I remembered the other thing in our worry if this food comes out is a couple of shelf stable boxes of unsweetened almond milk, which I bought by accident.

Maureen:

I have those because I actually use things like that. I bought three, I bought a package.

Dan:

Unsweetened's kind of hardcore.

Maureen:

Yeah, you can work with that. I bought a package of, it's basically powdered greens like for smoothies. So basically, one little condensed bag. There's like a ton of vegetables.

Dan:

Yeah, that's what the bottle of the V eight is for, for us.

Maureen:

You can mix those into smoothies, and soups and stuff like that. And you get a lot of... So I did a lot of thinking about condensed versions of high nutrient foods.

Dan:

Yeah.

Maureen:

So there's a lot of that. I did a lot thinking and shopping. Like I went around the green market and one of the local sellers makes a tomato sauce that has kale and other greens already mixed in it. So, I bought some of that. So, I tried to buy things that had like high nutrient density that would not be unpleasant to eat.

Dan:

You're on it. You are on it.

Maureen:

Dan I probably tod you that when I was in 6th grade we had to do a thing where we had to use catalogs and circulars and we were given an imaginary budget, we had to make like a little flip notebook of... And it was the greatest thing I ever did and I had never ever been so excited. Here are things I did that week, I did the green market where I shopped for shelf stable vegetables and things like that, tomato source. I did whole foods where I was buying like high nutrient things, but I also bought a pineapple there that I just cut into last night. Had to speak pineapple sitting out there. I was also buying stuff up and dehydrating things, because I have food dehydrator, because I'm that maniac. So I buy tomatoes every week and I dehydrate them, and I put them in a little-

Dan:

Wow.

Maureen:

Dehydrating food is great. You can do it in the oven.

Dan:

You're on it.

Maureen:

You can dehydrate in the oven. It's really-

Dan:

The other day some friends of mine and I were talking about our various prepper shops, and I was reminded that the day I started was the day that there was a clearly concerted effort by the administration to trot as many people out, onto TV shows, to assure people that they were on it, that the cases were low, that they would go down, and that there was nothing to worry about. And that was the day, it was February 25th, that I was like, "This is going to be bad".

Dan:

And actually we've been discussing this, we were comparing our Google location histories, and because I knew the exact day I was able to pull it up and it is one of those things that I screen grabbed, because I was like, "I will need to remember this at some point." Because all it is there's my house and then you see a series of lines and all of them are like, they reach a CVS and then it turns around and then it reaches a target, and it turns around and yeah. Time is meaningless now, but I'm like, "Wow. I started buying shit in February".

Maureen:

Yeah, I started, and I did... That was the week where it took the entire week. It was like a full-time job for a week. It's all I did.

Dan:

Yeah.

Maureen:

Oh, but yesterday we got our groceries and they just leave them by the door, and you get the window that you get. I managed to get a reserved window, but they kind of come when they come, and they come early in the morning. And Oscar went to walk the dog and all the bags were by the door. So he just grabbed him and pulled him inside to get the dog out. And I came out and the bags were sitting there, and I was like, "No, no." In retrospect, it was really not that bad, because we could easily have just dragged them back out, cleaned that little bit of the floor and it would have been fine.

Dan:

Yeah.

Maureen:

I was so tired. It was like early in the morning, and I looked at it and I just was like, I was just done, you know what I mean? For just a minute I was like, "Just leave it, just fuck leave it. I'll deal with it." I like snapped on my gloves. God dammit. So I don't have no coffee. I'm just kind of stumbling around on my... Like I put on some clothes because I was like a kid, solely in my pajamas. And I'm like getting out. I also have to conserve our wipes, because we only have one container of 35 wipes, and I use them... I have bleach and other things.

Dan:

Oh man.

Maureen:

Well, I make the solution, but I use the wipes specifically for groceries. And so I had to take them out and it was like 45 minutes of wiping everything down. I was so tired, I wiped the outside of a spaghetti squash and then I looked at what I'd done, and I quickly ran it underwater to get all that off. It's fine because that you don't use the skin. But I was almost like, "What am I doing?" And "What am I doing?" But our groceries-

Dan:

Honestly, Maureen, it's the wiping down of groceries, that's the one that gets me every time. Just the like that snap focus into what the fuck are we doing? Every time.

Maureen:

Well, I have an exciting grocery development. I put some aspirational items in because they were flicking on and off the site, which is FreshDirect here in New York. It was like, available, not available, available, not available. And I was like, "Ah, you sneaky Tetris. You Minx." I was like, "Toilet paper on, off on, off on, off, put it on." It had little containers of Clorox bleach tabs, the ones where you... They look like laundry tabs and you drop them in water, and they dissolve into bleach salute.

Maureen:

They make bleach. I was like put two of those in the cart. I put the toilet paper, I just put all these things in the cart. I'm like, "I'm not going to get any of this shit?" Open the cart down. I got a 12 pack of toilet paper. I got both containers of bleach tabs, both, both containers of bleach tabs. No milk though. No milk. It's like that's fine.

Dan:

We had grocery yesterday, the 14-year-old because they got... I was on a call for a thing that we should talk about actually, but I was on a call for this thing and I could hear him upstairs going, "There's name brand cornflakes in there." Could see it through the door. I've never heard someone so excited for cornflakes, but we've been real. We had some backup cereal that we have been kind of suffering through. It's all stale and bad and that has been hard to come by with our shops is getting actual cereal.

Dan:

And yeah, we got two boxes, two boxes of name brand cornflakes, Maureen. And you would've thought he had gotten something cool and animal crossing. He was very excited.

Maureen:

When Oscar saw that there was no milk. I was like, look, "We have a container and a half leftover, and I have my oatmeal. Like we're fine." He's like, "Well, maybe midweek I'll go to the deli and get a container of milk if we run out." And I was like, "No, no, you're not going to the deli." It would be fine. I mean, reality, he puts on a mask, he puts on gloves, he looks in the window if there's nobody in there, you get the milk. Like that is probably not... It's fine. But still, I don't want them to do it. I'm like, "We're not doing it."

Dan:

Right.

Maureen:

We're just not doing it. We will use this milk this week. We will be fine. We're just not going. I'm not going to let you.

Dan:

Yeah. Yeah. I mean this is another thing where like having kids is hard, because it's hard to explain that, to a four-year-old. We have been able to get milk pretty much every delivery, but getting the deliveries, is the challenge. And so we have rationed milk. Our four-year-old is a big milk drinker, and now he gets one small cup at each meal and then water. And the big treat is Fridays. When we do fancy Friday, he gets two cups of milk, and he'll talk about it through the week. "I'm excited for Friday." "Oh, why?" "Because I get two cups of milk."

Maureen:

Little man, little man.

Dan:

I know.

Maureen:

Little guy.

Dan:

But it's the only way to not have milk. And this is where the unsweetened almond milk comes in, because that's our backup plan and it doesn't go over well with a four-year-old. Let me tell you

Maureen:

My kind of comfort thing that I'm making. I clearly passed me, was thinking ahead in ways that hadn't come up yet. Like I bought yeast. I remember walking past the chocolate chips in whole foods, and then backing up and grabbing a pack off the shelf and go, "I don't bake cookies or anything really." Because I eat that shit in a second, but I grabbed it and I was like put it in the container. I was thinking about... Like I bought extra flour, I bought all this stuff that turns out I was like, "I'm not going to really be baking cookies and all of this." But then I totally... When I forgot that I had those and I went to go through the baking supplies, and I put my hand on this bag of chocolate chips and I was like, "Passed me you glorious motherfucker. Just what? Whoa. You genius. You beautiful bitch. What will you do?"

Maureen:

So I haven't cracked into those yet, but I made pitchers of ice tea, sweetened ice tea. I love ice. I like real proper, just Southern style ice tea. It's like my favorite thing, but I don't make it very often because it's full of sugar and B, it turns teeth brown if you drink it all the time. And I was like, "Motherfuckers, sugar, and brown teeth, let's do this. I don't care. I just don't care." I drink water almost all the time, but I have at least one delicious glass of ice tea and I have a mint plant. I put a little mint in there, and that is much delicious, delicious treat. I love it.

Dan:

Oh man, that sounds great.

Maureen:

It makes me real happy.

Dan:

That sounds great. Maureen Johnson. I will say that we're in our fourth week. I don't even know anymore. We're over 21 days, so I think we're day 24, 25 over here. And I am happy to say that I feel like my brain is adapting at this point, versus the first couple of weeks where it was just like, "I can't do anything." I've been more functional in the last five, six days than I have in the previous 20, I would say. Which I am excited about.

Maureen:

Yeah.

Dan:

Because that was a real concern for a while. I'm like, I'm literally not getting anything done ever. But I feel like I am adapting, and my brain is starting to come back online, which is nice.

Maureen:

Yeah. I've felt a little bit like that too. That I wasn't able to get any writing done at all for a little bit. And then I suddenly was like, "Oh, I can do this.: It just kind of switched on a little bit. Because, you do adapt.

Dan:

Definitely. Yeah. I had a friend little over a week ago now, ping me, he has been heavily involved in a lot of wild coronavirus stuff on the backend. And he pinged me and was like, "Hey, can you help me out? I need someone that knows how to write a little bit." And I'm like "Sure. What do you need?" And he was basically like, "I have a bunch of doctors and scientists and shit that need to write an op ad, and they need somebody who can help turn what they're saying into things that people understand."

Dan:

For me, that was a very helpful thing, because it was like, "Okay, look, here's the thing that I can actually help with is within my skillset." And so yes. So for the last week that has actually helped bring my brain back, is sort of talking and working with people and writing drafts and getting feedback, and working with the ever increasing committee of people to actually get a thing written and done and out that can help people. And it actually came out this morning, Maureen.

Maureen:

Yeah, I saw it. It's really good.

Dan:

It's in the fucking New York Times of all places. So I'm not a signer on it, nor should I be, but I helped guide it through. And it is about how we really need to be doing a lot better quarantine process, than we're doing right now, because we are going to be stuck indoors forever if we don't start actually doing this for real.

Maureen:

Right.

Dan:

But it was good. It was good to feel helpful.

Maureen:

Well it's really good what you did. I read it. It's really good. Everybody should read it. I said that in a weird way, what I meant is-

Dan:

It is. It is good. It's called The United States Needs a Smart Quarantine in the New York Times right now. It's good.

Maureen:

When you hear things about other places where people are doing things and going out. Because, that's still happening.

Dan:

Yeah, I mean other places in the United States.

Maureen:

Yeah, yeah. I don't know how to process it.

Dan:

Yeah, no, no. It's weird, right?

Maureen:

It's like if you were in that movie, the Martian with Matt Damon, where he's in the thing and he's trying to grow the potatoes. It's as if he looked out of his potato growing tent one day and saw like a hundred feet away from his potato growing tent was, was like Disneyland. And there were people in there. He was like, "The fuck? Has that been out there the whole time?" It would feel like that.

Dan:

That is the biggest problem right now in the U.S. is there is... Well, the biggest problem is the President of the United States. So there's that. But coming down from there is the fact that there is no consistency whatsoever and so we are going to be stuck in this situation for a very long time unless we get our shit together. Is really what it boils down to. We are going to, thankfully in some places, bend the curve but we are not going to ever see that curve go down. It's going to just flatten out because we aren't doing this in a way that is consistent from place to place, or from person to fucking person.

Maureen:

Right.

Dan:

Just got a text from Janice, the neighbor... Our Santian COVID neighbor. She was all like, "I just saw a kid go into their house for a play date".

Maureen:

Oh come on you guys.

Dan:

Right. This is the thing. There are many of us that are taking this very seriously. And then there are other people that don't get it. And until we are all on the same page we are going to continue to be indoors. We are going to continue to be getting sick. And it's very frustrating.

Maureen:

You're only as strong as your weakest link. So you can do all this stuff and go so hardcore and then some asshole can screw it up for you.

Dan:

Yup. And in this case, those assholes are fucking running things. Jesus.

Maureen:

Says Who, where is Dan? I mean, it is refreshing to not talk about him because there's literally no point in talking about him at this point.

Dan:

Right?

Maureen:

Like there's no-

Dan:

It's true.

Maureen:

It's so beyond even discussing him as any kind of a real thing.

Dan:

Yeah.

Maureen:

It's a nonstarter. I mean, right now the prime minister of the UK is in intensive care. I laugh not because it's funny. Yeah. I went to visit these people and I was shaking everyone's hand. It's funny.

Dan:

Yeah. Right. Literally.

Maureen:

Literally.

Dan:

The beginning of March was bragging about going to a hospital and shaking everyone's hand.

Maureen:

Yes.

Dan:

Their plan up until not that long ago in the UK was simply to achieve a herd immunity.

Maureen:

Yes.

Dan:

With the death toll in the hundreds of thousands.

Maureen:

Yes.

Dan:

And now Boris Johnson has it is in intensive care.

Maureen:

Yes. I mean-

Dan:

It's fucking wild.

Maureen:

Hopefully by the time that you listen to this, he will not be in intensive care. He'll be better. I've got to wish that for everybody.

Dan:

Sure.

Maureen:

Because I have to. I don't like what he's done, but hopefully he'll come out of intensive care. But that's where he is right now. I mean, obviously he's getting better treatment because he's the prime minister. So they're going to try to... That's a bed that could be used by someone else. But it's got him in it. So-

Dan:

Sure does. It sure does.

Maureen:

Dan, do you enjoy the fact that... Have you even remembered that there's a... We're still gearing up for a big election season. Dan, 2020 elections.

Dan:

Jesus Christ.

Maureen:

Aye Dan? Dan.

Dan:

Yeah.

Maureen:

Okay. Yeah.

Dan:

Yeah. The Wisconsin Primary is happening right now. The governor attempted to postpone it and was shot down by Republican suing. Then he tried to extend the deadline and was shot down by Republican suing. And so there are people in Wisconsin today lining up to vote Milwaukee, because of voter suppression and all of this. Milwaukee, Maureen Johnson, which is a large city, has five polling places. And they are predicting 50,000 in-person voters today, which would be 10,000 voters per site.

Dan:

I fucking did the math, Maureen, if all of those people showed up at once, and stood with proper six-foot social distancing distance from each other, each line would be 11 and a half miles long.

Maureen:

Dan, Dan, Dan, Danny, Danny, Danny, Danny, Danny Pats, Dan, Dan.

Dan:

Yeah. There are Democrats in Congress that are trying to get a national vote by mail agreement going for the fall, because that's the timeline we're now having to think on. And of course Republicans are shooting that down as well. In fact, Donald Trump gets on fucking Fox and friends and says, "It shouldn't be mailing voting. It should be you go to a booth and proudly display yourself." And explained that if you did do vote by mail, "You'd never have a Republican elected in this country again," which feels like a real quiet part loud there.

Maureen:

Dan, that's fine. That's fine.

Dan:

I don't know that it's fine, but it is what it is.

Maureen:

No, we have to be better than this, Dan. I mean people have come to this to have a little break in Sayswhovia, which of course is virus free and always will be.

Dan:

Always.

Maureen:

Yeah.

Dan:

Always will be. Well, Maureen, I have to say like in addition to my brain feeling like it's coming online and actually being able to help write a thing that is important and useful. I generally feel like I am more able to wrap my head around things, and that feels good. And dedicate time to like I said, we're making masks. I've got that cutting machine that we've used for making coping boxes, that cutting machine can cut fabrics. So I just spend spent like an hour last night feeding fabric into that machine, so that we're churning out patterned cut stuff ready for masks.

Dan:

It does feel like my whole house sort of turned a corner this weekend. Well minus the four-year-old who's just getting crabbier and crappier. But it did feel like everyone kind of turned a corner and it was like, "All right, let's do some stuff. Let's get stuff done." And Sayswhovia I hope that's true for all of you. I hope all of you are getting stuff done big or small.

Maureen:

Yeah. And if you're not, it's also fine. I've been beating-

Dan:

Well, right. I mean what I mean by stuff, it's like it's cool if it's just like, "Hey, you know what? Maybe I'll pour the cereal into a bowl today instead of just eat it right out of the box." Good job.

Maureen:

Like the other day I was exhausted, and I realized I hadn't done any of my work. But all the stuff it took just to keep everything going had taken me all day, all day. Yeah. So I wash some clothes in the bathtub now. I clean everything down... Everything has to be kept clean, because when you're writing and sometimes, you're like, "Fuck the cleaning," like nothing's going to get done. There's not that luxury now, things have to be kept clean.

Dan:

Yeah.

Maureen:

So there's a lot and like-

Dan:

If I was you and Oscar, I would just be wearing butcher paper at this point around the house.

Maureen:

It's fine.

Dan:

He could like draw a tie on it. No one would know when he video conferences. He'd be like, "Oh, he's really, really wears a lot of brown outfit."

Maureen:

Yeah. Yesterday I was like-

Dan:

It crinkles a lot when he moves.

Maureen:

It's time for the tub to be via the washing machine. Like not for some things. There's some things that have to go in and get like hardcore washed, like sheets and towels and things like that, and underwear. You know like things you want always on a hot wash, socks, et cetera. But a lot of my clothes, I always wash them on cold anyway, so I just like fill the tub put the thing and I was like, "You're a washing machine." No, it's fine. This is how I'm going to do it. It's fine. I'll make it. Also, a lot of the stores have run out of vegetarian foods. I don't know why.

Maureen:

I don't think everyone turned vegetarian. There's just no tofu. There's no like nothing. It's just all gone. It's like luckily also passed me ordered like 90 pounds of beans and wheat gluten. I can make say 10. I will make all these beans.

Dan:

Look at you.

Maureen:

I will make it from scratch. I will fucking make oat milk. Well, that's a waste. It doesn't waste, but it uses a lot of oats. But I can make a lot of stuff. I will just do it myself.

Dan:

Yeah, DIY.

Maureen:

I like that. I like that stuff. I like getting a bunch of random stuff and going make something with this. I'm like, "Oh, okay." Just I like that. I always wanted one of those things where someone, you're on a restaurant challenge show where someone gives you a box of ingredients and you have to make something with it. That's my dream. Living the dream.

Dan:

I used to have a friend who was a amateur chef, but a good one. And that was his birthday every year. Well people would bring him an ingredient in the morning and then he would host a dinner party that evening having made things with the ingredients and it was great.

Maureen:

That's cool.

Dan:

Like I showed up with cactus one time. And yeah, to really, really push it. It was cool. It was fun. And that's just the life we lead now.

Maureen:

How about some fun ideas.

Dan:

What can I do with these four ingredients?

Maureen:

If you can't get out for Easter, if you have a bunch of plastic eggs around, maybe from an old thing, if you celebrate Easter. Easter egg, hunt your house for your family or yourself, hide them when you're drunk. Try to find them the next day. I heard someone was going to try to host a murder mystery party over Zoom.

Dan:

I like it.

Maureen:

We've been using a tabletop simulator on steam. So we have been doing a thing where we get together with some of our friends. Sundays I'm supposed to be using them for writing entirely, but I'm like, we need the social time. So we get together on Sunday afternoons over steam and we play a game. And then of course Zoom meetings with friends. Zoom, cocktail hours if you drink or ice tea hours if you're me. Yeah. Like it's okay. And I keep trying to get through one single yoga with Adrian before the dog comes home, because she has taken to whenever I'm down on the ground humping my head.

Dan:

Oh no.

Maureen:

So when Oscar walks her because he does the 5:00 PM 6:00 PM walk, and I whip out the mat real fast and try to get some of it done and then they have variably come back. And I'm like, "She's going to hump my head," so I have to stop wherever I'm at and quickly pick up the mat. After this, I do the-

Dan:

I have not been able to fit exercise in well for sure, that is one that I'm still struggling to find a spot for.

Maureen:

And it's okay. You guys, wherever you're at, it's okay.

Dan:

Oh yeah. It is great.

Maureen:

It's more than okay.

Dan:

It's wherever you're at is great.

Maureen:

Yeah. Really is.

Dan:

You're doing it.

Maureen:

Yeah.

Dan: