Says Who?

AUNT FANNY'S SCRAP BAG

Episode Summary

A good chunk of this episode is about growing up in the 70s because, well, it's better than right now.

Episode Notes

It’s…*checks calendar* *calendar bursts into flames*… who knows? Does it matter? It’s some day of the week! It’s SAYS WHO DAY!

What’s been going on with Dan and Maureen? Well, Dan’s been making masks. And Maureen went to the store one time! But no one can live at this rapid pace for long, so they are going to relax and talk about stuff they remember. Like biking around the neighborhood, and riding in cars with no seat belts, loitering at the fabric store, getting a bird a Sears, and the magnificence of dessert time at Maureen’s aunt’s house.

Oh, and they talk about the week’s non-virus news for maybe two minutes but that is perhaps too much for Dan.

Come on in, SaysWhovia. Have a coffee, and a cigarette, and a bird.

Episode Transcription

Maureen:

It's going to be great.

 

Dan:

Perfect.

 

Maureen:

Oscar's just down- [crosstalk 00:00:03]

 

Dan:

Hey.

 

Maureen:

Hey. Is this an episode?

 

Dan:

I was going to start-

 

Maureen:

Let's do it.

 

Dan:

... doing the ads.

 

Maureen:

Do it.

 

Dan:

Are you ready?

 

Maureen:

I'm so ready. It's going to-

 

Dan:

This-

 

Maureen:

... be fantastic.

 

Dan:

... episode ... Okay. This episode of Says Who is brought to you by you. Through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho, where now, every weekend, you can get bonus content from me and Maureen, that we record, and sometimes it's good. Sometimes it's stuff. If you support at the $5 and up level, at the Town Watch level, you get that.

 

Maureen:

And sometimes-

 

Dan:

Because we're all stuck in here together.

 

Maureen:

This week there was some extra, and there's going to be some more extra content from Dr. Carter's Shoe, who-

 

Dan:

It's true. All-

 

Maureen:

Her office is open.

 

Dan:

... for you.

 

Maureen:

Yep. She's taking questions-

 

Dan:

At-

 

Maureen:

... if you have any-

 

Dan:

... patreon-

 

Maureen:

... dot com.

 

Dan:

Com. [crosstalk 00:01:08] /sayswho.

 

Maureen:

Says Who. It's going to be great. Are you there?

 

Dan:

I am.

 

Maureen:

Dan?

 

Dan:

I'm-

 

Maureen:

Oh, God.

 

Dan:

... waiting for you to do your-

 

Maureen:

Oh, I was worried. Because it went quiet. I-

 

Dan:

You should do your books ad.

 

Maureen:

It's doing great. Okay-

 

Dan:

I was just being-

 

Maureen:

Listen.

 

Dan:

I was just being respectfully quiet.

 

Maureen:

Listen. You're at home, you're like, "I need to get out of here." But you can't. Nothing is better than a book. A book takes you somewhere safely. Takes you to the place, another time, another reality. It's awesome. You should be reading books. Have you heard about them? They are fantastic. If you want to get into a series right now, perhaps you'd like Truly Devious. It's a mystery series. People like it. You can go and solve crimes. Crimes. Old, cold case mysteries like a '30s mystery, and a modern mystery, and you go up in a mansion in Vermont. It's pretty fun. I think you'd like it: Truly Devious The Vanishing Stair, The Hand on the Wall. They're all out now, you can do the whole three books. Get it free at your library, it don't cost you nothing. If you want to buy it from an independent book store, hey, that's awesome. You don't need to. There's lots of books out there. Read anything you like. Books are great. Books, it's time. Books.

 

Dan:

And-

 

Maureen:

And-

 

Dan:

And-

 

Maureen:

And.

 

Dan:

Maybe you need things. Some people still want things in this world, and you can now get Says Who things at merch. That is M-E-R-C-H .sayswhopodcast.com. New today in the merch store, is a way to cover your face when you go outside. We are selling head tube neck [inaudible 00:03:04] whatever you want to call them, bandanna-y things that say, "These aren't bright guys." And "Things go out of hand." All over them. Because that's why we have to go out and cover our faces, so we might as well wear it with pride. Merch.sayswhopodcast.com.

 

Maureen:

Hey. Welcome to the weekend.

 

Dan:

It's not the weekend, Maureen, I think it's Thursday. Think that today is Thursday. Weekend's in a couple.

 

Maureen:

No.

 

Dan:

Right?

 

Maureen:

No, no, no. That's not right. It's-

 

Dan:

I'm positive it is not the weekend, though. Maybe it's Saturday.

 

Maureen:

Well, it rained.

 

Dan:

Does it rain on Mondays? I can't remember which day it rains now.

 

Maureen:

Well, you're supposed to not like it if it rains on Mondays. But I don't know if that's a ... I'm still pretty sure it's either Saturday or Sunday. Because we're home?

 

Dan:

I feel like ... Well, that's a good point. But I just feel like if it was the weekend, I'd know somehow. Would feel more weekend-y than it feels right now. It feels like a solid Tuesday, Thursday-ish, somewhere. It feels like that, sort of.

 

Maureen:

Should we split the difference and say Friday?

 

Dan:

Yeah. Sounds good. TGIF, Sayswhovians.

 

Maureen:

Yay, we did it!

 

Dan:

Let's do this!

 

Maureen:

We did it!

 

Maureen:

Welcome to Says Who. The podcast that isn't a podcast.

 

Dan:

It's a coping strategy. I am Dan Sinker.

 

Maureen:

And I'm Maureen Johnson.

 

Dan:

Oh, boy.

 

Maureen:

Yep.

 

Dan:

What is ... A lot of voices going on there.

 

Maureen:

Yeah. Dan?

 

Dan:

There are a lot ... Yeah?

 

Maureen:

I need to confess.

 

Dan:

Uh-oh.

 

Maureen:

You guys won't know this, but we record at 11:00 A.M. That's usually what we do. And I messaged Dan and said, "Can we do it at like 2:00?" And he's, because he's gracious, said, "Yes." Here's why I was asking that.

 

Dan:

Uh-oh.

 

Maureen:

It's not-

 

Dan:

Uh-oh.

 

Maureen:

... that exciting. It's really not that exciting.

 

Dan:

Any variation from a schedule at this point might as well be a fucking trip to Disney World. Bring it on. I'm psyched, I'm pumped.

 

Maureen:

I've oversold this. You're going to be disappointed.

 

Dan:

No, trust me. My expectation levels for thrilled are just barely above the floor at this point.

 

Maureen:

Yesterday was both food day and laundry day. So-

 

Dan:

Boy, that's a lot of cleaning.

 

Maureen:

We had, I think it was eight loads that I took, in one cart, downstairs. Because it was empty, I was like, "The time is now." Three weeks' worth of sheets, so many towels, because we go through them constantly. Just piles of stuff. And also, when I bring sheets up and I put them on the bed, I iron them. It's a little ritual I started maybe six months ago where I've realized that ironed sheets are just so good and psychologically fulfilling. They feel so nice that I always iron the sheets before they go on the-

 

Dan:

Wait, let me-

 

Maureen:

... bed.

 

Dan:

Oh, before. Okay. I heard you say you put them on the bed and then you ironed them. And I was really just trying-

 

Maureen:

Occasionally-

 

Dan:

... to figure-

 

Maureen:

... I do that.

 

Dan:

... that out.

 

Maureen:

Once I've got the fitted-

 

Dan:

Seems like a real way to have a bed fire.

 

Maureen:

Well, sometimes when I've got the fitted sheet on, and I see a little wrinkle, I quick zoo, because I've ironed them in the bedroom, and then I just give them a little foop. But super fast, like a second or two. But it makes a big difference. These are big industrial washer dryer things that we've got downstairs. By the time you get it all upstairs it's all wrinkled. So it makes it really nice. The ones I put in the closet are not ironed yet. I just fold those and when they come out, they get ironed. You've got to, right? So last night, food in the morning took two and a half hours. Because the food arrived. I also went through the closets and reorganized everything, and restored stuff in jars and labeled, and cleaned out the old baking supplies to make sure everything was in date, so that everything is usable.

 

Maureen:

Two and a half hours of washing, organizing, the food. Takes, also, I got all my parents' food delivered, I had to make sure all that. So that was all morning. Little break in the afternoon, get some stuff done, then, then eight loads of laundry at once. I finished, and then of course, dinner and nightly cleanup, bleaching done, et cetera. I finished this all at, I don't know, 11:15. I was beat. Get into bed.

 

Maureen:

Also, Trump has taken my drugs, Dan. The drugs that fight fatigue, he took my drugs. So I've had some flares this week. I sometimes get a little tired. I had trouble getting to sleep. I woke up this morning, I was up, I was doing stuff with Oscar, I was drinking my coffee. And this just wave hit me where I'm like, "I'm going back to bed. I am fucking exhausted. I am beat all to hell." And I was like, "I can. I'm fucking doing it. I may have to write tonight when ... Who cares? I'm going back to bed. I'll sleep for an hour." And I was so tired, basically the minute I hit the bed, I was out. And then I was like, "I've got to get up to record." And then I just e-mailed you, I was like, "Can we just do this?" I continued sleeping until, it was like 11:30. I was-

 

Dan:

That's awesome.

 

Maureen:

I was deliriously tired. It was one of the those things where it wasn't even a choice. I could maybe ... It was one of those where you're walking and your eyes are closing, you're like, "Okay. My body is telling me it's time. It's nap time." Took the puppy in with me. She happily, she climbs under the blanket, snugs in, she's a hard snugger. She gets in there. And when I woke up at one point, she was laying in the same position as me under the blanket with her head on the pillow, just in the same exact pose as me. When I woke up, quickly, took her out for her hour walk, ran back in, got, I had already set the equipment. You hear digging because I think she's finally tired herself out. And the digging normally means she's about to lay down and go to sleep. She's making herself a little-

 

Dan:

Or find treasure.

 

Maureen:

Well, sometimes it's that, but I think she's making herself a bedding area. Yeah. She's stacking up the blankets. Come on, you can do it. Turn, turn, turn, nudge, nudge. Yes, come on. No, don't look in the mirror. Come on. Lay down. She's not laying down, yet, Dan. But she's ... Oh, floop.

 

Dan:

That's all right.

 

Maureen:

She's down.

 

Dan:

We ... Yeah.

 

Maureen:

She just came up to me, snugged hard, and fell over. That's how she does it.

 

Dan:

Maureen-

 

Maureen:

That's-

 

Dan:

That was exciting.

 

Maureen:

Was that-

 

Dan:

That was an exciting-

 

Maureen:

... a good story?

 

Dan:

... story.

 

Maureen:

That's what passes for an exciting story now.

 

Dan:

It's all we got, now. This is what we got, now, in this world. In this world, Maureen, this is all we have. I have been, all morning, now, thinking about an idea for a new podcast this is just a 10 second long podcast that tells you what day and what date it is.

 

Maureen:

People would listen to that.

 

Dan:

Right?

 

Maureen:

It's the new-

 

Dan:

Right?

 

Maureen:

... impeachment.fyi.

 

Dan:

Might be. Might be. Might be.

 

Maureen:

What, yeah-

 

Dan:

I have-

 

Maureen:

... instead of impeachment-

 

Dan:

... secured a URL.

 

Maureen:

Oh?

 

Dan:

sameshitdifferent.today.

 

Maureen:

Oh my God.

 

Dan:

Right?

 

Maureen:

That's-

 

Dan:

And then you just, just comes in on your podcast feed. And that's all it is, is someone going, "Hi there. Today's Tuesday the 14th of April. Have a good day." That's the whole podcast.

 

Maureen:

That's amazing. You'd get guest hosts.

 

Dan:

Right. Get a guest per week.

 

Maureen:

Dan, you're a genius.

 

Dan:

This is it. This is it, Maureen. I think this might happen. This might happen. I need a hobby. Because every minute of free time, I am currently filling with making masks. And I may have overstepped my mask making bounds at this point. So-

 

Maureen:

Why's that?

 

Dan:

I need something else.

 

Maureen:

You sent me some masks that you made. And they arrived on the same day that my friend Kate also sent me two masks that she made for me. We really needed these masks. Because we have been riding on our N95s that are now, have had daily, multiple uses for a month and two cloth masks that we have. That's all we had. And we need them a lot. So your masks came. I was so excited. I was putting in that laundry, so I was like, "I will wash them." There was some wash I was putting in. They were safe to go in this load. I was like, "Great." I'm putting in eight loads of laundry. This is a great time. Let's just stick these masks in there. Take the masks out, goddammit, they've got bleach stains all over them. I am ... I thought at the time it was a Tide Pod but what it more likely was is that somebody had used bleach in the washer before us, because people are bleaching everything a lot. [crosstalk 00:13:25]-

 

Dan:

So now they have an '80s speckled look to them.

 

Maureen:

Yes. Yeah. All six of them have that. And they were the only things that got damaged aside from one pair of Oscar's underwear and my David Bowie T-shirt.

 

Dan:

Oh, no. Not your David Bowie T-shirt.

 

Maureen:

I have five David Bowie T-shirts. This is my least favorite of them, so it's sort of okay. But those are the-

 

Dan:

Well, the good news, Maureen, is that I am producing these at a scale that I can get some new ones out to you soon. And the extra good news is I have much better elastic than the versions that I sent to you. And I would be sending you replacements anyway, because I'm unhappy with the elastic that went out with that batch.

 

Maureen:

Well, we'll use the hell out of them [crosstalk 00:14:11] and they are getting washed- [crosstalk 00:14:13]

 

Dan:

Oh, without a doubt.

 

Maureen:

... in the plastic basin.

 

Dan:

Yeah. There you go.

 

Maureen:

I had an exciting adventure this weekend.

 

Dan:

They won't, nothing ... Well, hold on. Nothing weird, they come pre-washed, just so you know. But obviously, things that come into your world, you should wash again. But yeah. The first batch that I sent out to people was using elastic that we had lying around the house that was a little thicker and a little harder than a person wants to wear around their ears for a long time. But, there is a huge run on elastic, because all sorts of folks are making masks right now. And I was unable to find some. And then somebody very helpfully, on Twitter said, "You know what? I just bought some from an Etsy seller who was selling spools of elastic." And so I got some from Etsy. And it is a marked improvement. So I will get improved masks out to you and Oscar soon, once I'm done getting some out to some folks that are in my line right now. But-

 

Maureen:

You and Kate both made these. I was so excited to get these masks. Because we really do need them. And I was like, "The masks are here!" I was so psyched. And I was like, "I will now wash them and then hand-dry them, and everything will be ... " And then I took them out and I was so sad. Because that's-

 

Dan:

Oh, that is sad.

 

Maureen:

I hadn't done anything except put them in a totally safe wash load with normal detergent. So I was like, "How did this happen?" Like, "How did they get damaged? I just got them an hour ago. How has this happened?" So-

 

Dan:

The fun thing about the mask making obsession that I have undertaken is it turns out that both Janice and I have hoarded fabric for years, for decades. And I keep finding boxes of fabric in our house. And so it's- [crosstalk 00:16:18]

 

Maureen:

The fabric's-

 

Dan:

... like, "Hey, look at this!"

 

Maureen:

Great. Oh, the fabric is-

 

Dan:

And the fabric-

 

Maureen:

... so good.

 

Dan:

... I have to say ... Yes. So I was a nerdy kid. I know this comes as a shock to everyone. But I was a nerdy, geeky kid who enjoyed hanging out at fabric stores when he was in high school. And I made all my own shorts, and would buy all sorts of wild fabric.

 

Maureen:

So specific. It's so specific.

 

Dan:

I know. I know.

 

Maureen:

It's so specific.

 

Dan:

And so I would buy all kinds of crazy fabric. And that has stuck around. And then I met Janice, who, it turned out had been doing essentially the same thing. I don't think she was making shorts, but she also had a large amount of fabric. And we have since collected ... One of the boxes that I opened up had all these half-made pairs of pants for babies that we must have made for our now 14 year old, back when he was a baby. But yeah, we have some very great fabric. Though I did just panic buy more fabric because we are now running low. And i want to keep it going. So thankfully, you can still get fabric shipped.

 

Maureen:

I-

 

Dan:

But that said-

 

Maureen:

I-

 

Dan:

I also need another hobby, and I think maybe the day of the week podcast is it.

 

Maureen:

I wish I could sew better than I did. I did have to learn to sew as a child. I was taught to sew like I was a small Victorian baby. I was, my mother is ... When I think about, my mother is good at every craft. My mother excels at whatever she directs herself at, because she is just solid concentration. It's really quite extraordinary. But she is an expert embroiderer. She crochets very well. When I was a kid, she ... Let's see. Oil painted, did ceramics, did stained glass, what else did she do? She makes these Christmas decorations that are extraordinarily beautiful. She can make anything.

 

Maureen:

So I was taught basic embroidery. I didn't excel at it. I had to do just basic stitching. I was taught how to hem dresses. So I would hem all of my aunt's and my grandmother's dresses for, I think it was $1 a piece. This was some weird ... It was like how I used to wash their floors by hand and I would also hem their dresses. This was what I did. And the only other time I had to sew was in college, because I was a theater major at one point, a minor at one point, as part of my theater curriculum, I had to take Intro to Costume Design.

 

Dan:

Oh, sure.

 

Maureen:

So I had to pass a hand sewing test. So, I had to take a sewing test at one point. And I passed it. And I can put in a bad hem. It's fine. One time I hemmed my own pants. I was like, "I did it myself!" And I was like, "This job is shit." So then I just take it immediately to someone who knows how to sew. But I wish I was better at sewing, because I think it's really cool. But that's my story.

 

Dan:

I have to say, I was also taught by my mom when I was a kid, and would make stuffed animals and things for myself. And then, back when I was in school, you were required in middle school to take wood shop and the pairing of wood shop was sewing. So I took sewing in middle school. And that was when I got excited, I think, because they had us make shorts. And then I was like, "I can just make shorts?"

 

Maureen:

Why? Why? Why were they [crosstalk 00:20:14] making shorts?

 

Dan:

And I just kept making shorts.

 

Maureen:

I don't understand why shorts?

 

Dan:

I-

 

Maureen:

Seems harder.

 

Dan:

I can't-

 

Maureen:

Why? Why were you making shorts?

 

Dan:

Less fabric, probably?

 

Maureen:

I don't know.

 

Dan:

I was into it because it's similar to the masks that I'm making now. You only need one piece of, like the pattern, and then you just repeat it four times and connect it. I don't know. I have no real explanation for why I made so many pairs of shorts when I was in high school. But here we are. And now-

 

Maureen:

Then-

 

Dan:

I'm making masks.

 

Maureen:

There was one other big sewing thing. So I had an Aunt Fanny. All right. I had an Aunt Fanny who was an expert seamstress. She was amazing. And she did a lot of sewing. And she always had bags of cloth scraps. Literally just scrap, tiny ribbons of things. And I would get Aunt Fanny's cloth scrap bag. This is how cool a childhood I had. So I had this, it was the same aunt whose bird committed suicide, the money in jars. She was also the one that I would hem her house dresses. And these were proper house dresses, like those kind of formless, sleeveless, just dress. They came to just below their knee, they had two pockets for their cigarettes. So those were the dresses.

 

Maureen:

And I sometimes would stay over at her house on a Friday or Saturday night. And I was, I don't know, a 10 or 11 year old. Here's the hot Saturday night at my aunt's house. They're smoking. Aunt's smoking away because she's a smoker rights activist. There's the angry, greasy bird that sits next to her, [Teal 00:21:48] the cockatiel, the angry bird that eventually committed suicide. They at dinner at 4:00 P.M. A typical dinner was some fried food from the Long John Silver's seafood, something similar to that. They ate on paper plates because, "That way, there's no mess. You just get rid of it." So they would eat 4:00 P.M., some fried food, paper ... I thought this was great. I was all for it.

 

Dan:

I will say, as a full-ass grown adult, the occasions where we're like, "Let's us paper plates." It is the best. So hats off to your extended family for just doing that all the time. Because-

 

Maureen:

She didn't-

 

Dan:

Man, it is a good time.

 

Maureen:

Neither of them worked. She never had a job or anything. She just sat around all day smoking and listening to conspiracy radio. That was all they ever did. Then the big event of the night was dessert. And Dan, this is how they did dessert. First of all, she was only a believer in very clean, wholesome television. So when I stayed with them, it was Lawrence Welk. I watched Lawrence Welk. I had my bag of Aunt Fanny's cloth scraps, and my needle and thread. And I would sew clothes for my Barbie. I would get so excited about this. I would have my toys, sewing clothes for my Barbie. Which were inevitably tube tops, because I didn't know how to sew anything else.

 

Dan:

Yeah, tube's easy.

 

Maureen:

A lot of tubes, a lot of sewing of tubes with Aunt Fanny's scraps. And then, they liked those Mrs. Smith's frozen pies. Pies you [crosstalk 00:23:38]. Dan, hold onto your ass, because this is what my aunt and my uncle ate for dessert every goddamn night. Are you ready?

 

Dan:

I'm ready.

 

Maureen:

They took one of those pre-bought pies, they sliced it into four pieces. So you got a quarter of a pie with-

 

Dan:

Oh, yeah, you did.

 

Maureen:

Hold onto your ass, Dan.

 

Dan:

I'm ready.

 

Maureen:

They would, they would also buy-

 

Dan:

I have both hands on my ass right now.

 

Maureen:

This is not a drill. This is not a drill, my friend. Half gallons of ice cream, like the square kind they used to sell, that were just complete square. You have to imagine, ice cream used to just come in these rectangles. They were cartons. They were just rectangles. They would slice those into four.

 

Dan:

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay.

 

Maureen:

And you got-

 

Dan:

Hold on. I feel like we need to explain the ice cream carton to a younger generation of listeners, here. Because I think when you said square, people were imagining like a Breyers or something that are like rectangular ice cream tubs. But they used to be waxed cardboard that folded up origami-style into a brick that encased this ice cream. And sometimes, you would end up unfolding the entire thing. At least at my house, that was disaster level. But it did allow for the ability to slice it very cleanly if you wanted to.

 

Maureen:

Just-

 

Dan:

And you're ... Wow.

 

Maureen:

And you'd just unfold that shit, they'd slice it into four. And so, their dessert was a quarter slice of a half gallon of ice cream and a quarter of a pie. Every goddamn night. Wash it down with a couple of cigarettes.

 

Dan:

That's living, right there.

 

Maureen:

Watching some Lawrence Welk, eating a quarter of a pie and a quarter of a container of ice cream, sewing some tubes for your Barbie with your Aunt Fanny's scraps, after that you go and you count your aunt's money, which she keeps in jars in the closet. You got yourself a weekend. That's my childhood, Dan.

 

Dan:

Man.

 

Maureen:

That's why I'm as cool as I am.

 

Dan:

That-

 

Maureen:

You know what?

 

Dan:

... is better than anything anyone listening to this podcast has done in a month. That sounds like just a thrill a minute. That's like the equivalent of a Caribbean vacation right now.

 

Maureen:

When Oscar talks about the things he learned in his childhood like, "Well, we learned sailing and skiing, and we would go and I would play rugby and this and that." And I'm like, "But have you ever sat on the floor next to your chain smoking aunt sewing get another goddamn gold tube for your Barbie that's still somehow crooked. As you can assume, several days worth of pie and ice cream. And she's smoking at you and the smoke is just twisting into your hair. And you're ... "

 

Maureen:

Then, that's where I very finally remembered doing the assignment where I had to cut things out of the catalogs and the circulars about how to do a budget where you're living out in the woods, and you only have so much money and you have to choose all the stuff from the catalogs, and you had to make a report. I did that sitting next to me ... I was so smoky. So very smoky. And then for some extra fun, I was just allowed to get on my bike and ride freeform around the neighborhood very basically as long as I felt like. Trailing smoke in my wake.

 

Dan:

I think that it is hard, as somebody that grew up in that era, it is difficult for me to actually imagine just how smoky everything was.

 

Maureen:

Oh, it stank. Everything.

 

Dan:

But, boy, it was. It was. I remember-

 

Maureen:

My-

 

Dan:

... before they banned cigarettes in bars, and clubs, and things, I would come home from going to shows. I would strip down on the back porch and leave my clothes out there. And then get in the shower.

 

Maureen:

Dan-

 

Dan:

What a dumb ass world we used to live in.

 

Maureen:

I used to-

 

Dan:

Although-

 

Maureen:

I was a-

 

Dan:

... what the fuck world do we live in now?

 

Maureen:

I was a bartender in England, Dan. And I used to stand behind the bar with a cigarette dangling out of my mouth. I smoked for awhile when I was a dumb young person. And just cigarette, just hanging out, I'm just, "What do you need?" That's so gross. That's disgusting. It's the nastiest thing in the entire planet.

 

Dan:

I never smoked because I grew up with a smoker. And a real heavy chain smoker. And still, to this day, one of the defining images of my childhood was an exhalation into my bowl of Cheerios and watching the smoke hit the Cheerios and then ricochet up and over the edges of the bowl. Yeah.

 

Maureen:

I'm not proud of it.

 

Dan:

And that'd be-

 

Maureen:

It would seem to be the thing that all the theater ... You got into theater. And it was just what happened. And every break- ,

 

Dan:

Oh, sure.

 

Maureen:

... was a smoke break. So I was in theater and somehow that's just how it happened. Boy, oh boy.

 

Dan:

Tales-

 

Maureen:

Where, this-

 

Dan:

... of the world-

 

Maureen:

... world of the-

 

Dan:

... before we all moved inside.

 

Maureen:

Smoking is the grossest thing. It's so unfathomable to me now, to walk into a place where you could smoke indoors. But I think we were all, every relative smoked. They were all just like fucking chimneys, Dan. They had the same ashtrays that went throughout the whole family. Every goddamn one of them had the same ashtrays. And they all just drank coffee and smoked all day. They sat inside all the time just drinking and smoking. This was normal for them. They're like, "Just another day where you sit at your kitchen table drinking, and smoking, and talking shit to your bird." They all had birds. They all had birds. One time, my grandmother always had parakeets. My grandmother was cool. But she always had parakeets. But her parakeet passed away. And we went to see her just to get her another parakeet, because that's what you did 400 years ago. We went to see her just to get her another parakeet. We got her a parakeet. We brought it-

 

Dan:

Wait, what?

 

Maureen:

... Home. We got a parakeet at Sears. They had them.

 

Dan:

Wow.

 

Maureen:

Yeah.

 

Dan:

Did they have-

 

Maureen:

Before their-

 

Dan:

... other, they had other pets? There was a pet section in Sears.

 

Maureen:

Yeah. Yeah. There was a pet section. Kind of like Petco.

 

Dan:

What was the limits of the pet section in Sears? Was it only things in tanks and cages? Or-

 

Maureen:

I think so.

 

Dan:

... could you walk out with a dog?

 

Maureen:

I think it was fish and birds. It's sort of like Petco now, fish and birds. Maybe like a hermit crab. You know how when you go in and-

 

Dan:

[crosstalk 00:30:47] adoption. Because there was no adopting of pets back in the '70s.

 

Maureen:

No. It was all like terrible puppy mill kind of pet shops inside of malls.

 

Dan:

Yeah. It was ... Right. Oh my God. I forgot about the pet shops inside malls.

 

Maureen:

The past, and it's not even that long ago, was fucked. It was, unlike now, which is awesome. But-

 

Dan:

Yeah, I was going to say-

 

Maureen:

So-

 

Dan:

And, yet, what I wouldn't give right now to be living in the '70s again.

 

Maureen:

So there I am in Sears, we're getting Grandma a bird. Bring the bird home. Bird's sitting there. She's smoking. My father stopped smoking. He smoked when I was very little. But he stopped when his friend died of lung cancer. Also, apparently, I used to grab his cigarettes and put them in the trash, because I didn't want him to smoke. So I knew this from a small child, don't smoke. I was constantly putting his cigarettes in the trash. Anyway, we got my grandmother the bird. We're all having dinner, and I'm looking at the bird. Like, "Hi, bird." I'm staring at the bird. And then I realize something about the bird. And I try to get everyone's attention. But no one listens to me because I'm a kid, and no one listens to kids. And I'm alone. I don't have any siblings. There's no other kids. I'm like, "Hey. Hey." No one's listening to me. "Hey. Hey." Going over, tugging everyone's sleeve. "Hey." "Maureen, shut up." "Hey." Finally I get someone attention. And I'm like, "The bird only has one foot." Sure enough, this was a-

 

Dan:

What?

 

Maureen:

... one footed bird. So they went over-

 

Dan:

What?

 

Maureen:

... and they looked, and the bird had one foot. So they were-

 

Dan:

But it was standing there-

 

Maureen:

Yeah.

 

Dan:

... with one foot?

 

Maureen:

Yeah.

 

Dan:

Like a flamingo?

 

Maureen:

Yeah. He's just on the perch with the ... Because birds are like little round balls of feathers. So they're just squatting on their perch. You've got to really look close to see how many feet they have. You always assume it's two. But it wasn't. It was one. So we go back to Sears. Say, "This bird only has one foot." And they're like, "Sorry. Do you want another bird?" So they go in the big birdcage. And lo and behold, most of the birds only have one foot.

 

Dan:

What?

 

Maureen:

I think what was happening was they were putting the bands on too tight. And the birds were losing their foot.

 

Dan:

Oh, God!

 

Maureen:

Yeah.

 

Dan:

And the bottom of the birdcage was just littered with feet?

 

Maureen:

I don't know. Maybe they take the feet out. Anyway.

 

Dan:

It's Carl's job to sweep the feet out of the cage.

 

Maureen:

Take the feet out. So they did ... I don't remember if she got another bird or not. She definitely came home with a bird. She always had a parakeet. But birds, and cigarettes, and coffee was the big theme. And her birds were always much happier than my aunt's angry greasy bird that was really just shit all over the place and attacked you if you got anywhere near it. But that bird was so mad all the time. God that was an angry bird.

 

Dan:

How often do you think those birds were replaced?

 

Maureen:

Teal was genuinely ... Oh, at Sears?

 

Dan:

No. At your relatives' house?

 

Maureen:

Oh. They were very attached to their birds. We knew exactly. That bird was doted on. Oh, for sure. And also, we were the only ones who would be replacing, because my grandma, they didn't drive. None of those people drove. My mom did all the driving.

 

Dan:

So you would-

 

Maureen:

So-

 

Dan:

You would have a count.

 

Maureen:

Oh, for sure. We did all their grocery ... When I say we, it was my mother. So every week was we took Grandmom and Aunt grocery shopping. I would go to the counter, pick up their carton, big cartons of cigarettes for them. That was always part of the weekly ... You know what I'm saying, Dan. The past. Not even that long ago. Just smoking, smoking, your bird's feet are falling off, you're going to Sears for a bird. You're sewing stuff from your Aunt Fanny's scrap bag, watching Lawrence Welk because it's wholesome.

 

Dan:

That's living.

 

Maureen:

Yeah.

 

Dan:

That's living, right there.

 

Maureen:

That's very similar to right now. It was ... Yeah. [inaudible 00:34:57] time.

 

Dan:

There was a lot more time spent outside in the '70s, though. You were just sent outside. At least that was my experience, it was just like, "You're outside, now, for the next three hours. I don't- "

 

Maureen:

Yeah. It was-

 

Dan:

" ... care what you do."

 

Maureen:

It's just fine.

 

Dan:

Just figure it out. It's fine.

 

Maureen:

You're just outside doing shit. I know that, if you're younger, and you're probably like, "Why are they being so very old right now?" We're just trying to tell you cool shit that you could do. You could just wander around while your relatives just sat inside, smoking their fucking lungs out.

 

Dan:

Back in the outdoor times.

 

Maureen:

Yeah. Yeah, you'll-

 

Dan:

Have-

 

Maureen:

... get [crosstalk 00:35:37] here.

 

Dan:

... you read the book series, the Wool series?

 

Maureen:

Wool?

 

Dan:

Yeah.

 

Maureen:

Like sweater?

 

Dan:

Yeah.

 

Maureen:

No.

 

Dan:

Okay. It is a good post-apocalyptic series about people that live in an abandoned silo under the ground.

 

Maureen:

Oh.

 

Dan:

And I've thought a lot about it recently, because I feel like that's how we live now. Going outside is a production. There's a lot of thought involved-

 

Maureen:

It's a lot.

 

Dan:

... in, "Are we going outside? How many of us are going outside?" We went on a drive on Sunday morning because we realized we had not moved our car in a month. And probably it needed to be started and driven a little bit. And as somebody that has watched Mad Max: Fury Road approximately somewhere between 50 and 100 times, I felt like I was really ready for that drive. It turned out to be really anti-climactic but I was prepared. We were masked, we fucking cleaned down ahead, brought hand sanitizer with us. We were ready. We were ready to take those breeder wives to Bullet Town. But turned out we just drove around and looked at the grocery stores we used to go to.

 

Maureen:

The other day, I actually went into a store on, I forget what day it was. Sometime this week, whatever day. I don't know. Blursday. And because my medication needed a refill.

 

Dan:

See, you need the podcast.

 

Maureen:

So-

 

Dan:

You would know. You could have put your headphones on, hit play, and it would just be me, going, "Good morning. It's Thursday, April 8th. Have a good day."

 

Maureen:

And you could-

 

Dan:

And be like, "Okay, cool."

 

Maureen:

... just run the same ep-

 

Dan:

"I'm going to the store."

 

Maureen:

You could run the same ep every day and people would not know the difference.

 

Dan:

It would be hard to binge it.

 

Maureen:

I could do it.

 

Dan:

I could do it.

 

Maureen:

So I went-

 

Dan:

I think I could do it.

 

Maureen:

I went to, I suited up, I went out first. Did I tell this story already about how I went to the hardware store?

 

Dan:

You were-

 

Maureen:

So how-

 

Dan:

... talking, I think it was in a bonus episode, you were talking about how you were excited to do it. So this is a real-

 

Maureen:

Maybe-

 

Dan:

Sometimes when I'm editing these podcasts, Maureen, I think about how strange this documentation of the fucking world that we have lived in for the last three years is. But that this is potentially the strangest of all of it.

 

Maureen:

Yeah. I must have, I think I went that day. So I was like, "I'm about to go to the hardware store and the pharmacy. It's a big fucking deal." Because I do have to say that I am ... Boy, whenever you cough you're like, "Oh." I do have a little scratchy throat today, which obviously makes me nervous. But because now you get a scratchy throat, you're like, "Wah." Also, I have seasonal allergies that-

 

Dan:

This is it.

 

Maureen:

... I could set a watch by. So I have early April seasonal allergies that have been with me since I've lived in New York. So whenever I get the sore throat, I'm like, "Yeah, it checks out, it's April."

 

Dan:

Yeah.

 

Maureen:

Anyway, Dan. So I had done a little peek in the window at the hardware store. And I saw they had things in there. They had bleach in there, and they had RV toilet paper in there, and I was like, "Oh, the wonders of the shop." So I got my gloves and my masks and everything. I truly have to say, though, I live in the middle of New York City. So I am in it. I truly am in it. It is fully around us. It's not a hypothetical here in any way, shape, or form. And so we have to be really, really cognizant at all times about ... That's why it's, it's a big deal everywhere, but truly, I know it has actually ... People in this area have died. So we hear a lot of sirens.

 

Maureen:

I'm happy to report that whoever at the Empire State Building who was really, had that first brilliant idea to do the panic attack light, that was just throbbing red, strobe light that was ... You watched it and it made you nervous. They've modified it now to a multi-colored, gentle ... It's very pretty. It runs through all the colors and it ripples up and down, and it's still, it's just very bright and cheerful as opposed to AH. So I went to Walgreen's. That was pretty exciting. We obviously have to wait and get, you get allowed to go inside. It's like you're going on a shitty, shitty Disney ride. You wait, and they wave you in. You go in, you're like, "I'm in Walgreen's." And you look around, and you're like, "Wow. What do they got?" They had lots of toilet paper. Lots of it.

 

Dan:

Whoa.

 

Maureen:

Whole aisle full of it. I think they just let you buy one and it turns out that will work if you just let everyone buy one, that will be enough. And I went up and I get my prescription, Dan. And they had built around the pharmacy a kind of Les Mis thing, where they normally have a plastic barricade, but they built a second plastic barricade of flapping plastic, like when you go into a refrigerated room or something. [crosstalk 00:41:33]-

 

Dan:

Oh, sure.

 

Maureen:

... that. They they'd built this kind of Les Mis thing of the barricade, so you couldn't get that close to the counter. They had put up all these plastic bins. So you had to be a little bit distant. And got my prescription. I was like, "I have made the trek. It's all going to be worth it." And they handed me a container that had nine pills in it.

 

Dan:

What?

 

Maureen:

Nine. Yes. Yes. Trump took my drugs, Dan. So I got nine pills. I'd done all of that.

 

Dan:

You're fucking kidding me.

 

Maureen:

I'd gone to all that trouble to get nine pills. So then I went to our local-

 

Dan:

Jesus Christ.

 

Maureen:

Yeah. I know. It was disappointing. But I went to the hardware store, which is always very open. It's very airy. There's never anyone in there and they have lots of stuff. It's fantastic. I didn't want to take the bleach, because I've been collecting bleach. I have enough. I didn't want to take it. Someone else probably needs that bleach. I'm like, "I have some." But they have lots of spray bleach cleaners. Oh, it was an extravaganza in there, Dan. They had all kinds of good stuff.

 

Dan:

Stuff.

 

Maureen:

So I got some spray bleach cleaner, I got some Mason jars I'm putting my beans in. Oh, it was great. I got a plastic bin-

 

Dan:

I'm having-

 

Maureen:

... that I could do hand washing in now, so I don't have to go downstairs as much. Oh, I had my bin and my jars, and my bleach cleaner. Got some soap.

 

Dan:

I'm having one of those moments where I'm hearing what you're saying. And I'm realizing just how fucked everything is.

 

Maureen:

So I get home with my-

 

Dan:

What is-

 

Maureen:

... my bin, and my bleach cleaner, and my jars.

 

Dan:

Oh, my God.

 

Maureen:

And all of this beautiful ... I honestly felt like I was in some sort of resource hoarding, or resource getting game, like Stardew when you go to Pierre's or something, or you're like, "I have brought home a piece of cloth." Then of course, it takes another hour to get all the stuff in the house because you have to take each individual ... You have to disrobe, take your clothes off. Even though I didn't need, I took a super quick shower, just [inaudible 00:43:50]. Take everything out. Clean it down. I have this wonderful little plastic bin, now, I can wash out stuff. And that's where I should have put the masks. I feel so responsible for damaging these masks.

 

Dan:

Oh my goodness.

 

Maureen:

Yeah, I was-

 

Dan:

Don't worry about it.

 

Maureen:

But-

 

Dan:

They still cover your face.

 

Maureen:

Oh, yeah. But they were so pretty. I see a lot of medical personnel out there. They've made a sideway Starbucks counter so they can get coffee. That's nice. So yeah. We walk around with your mask on, walk the dog, come back in again. Got a bin, go the a jar. Oh, the jars I got, magnificent. I've got to get more jars.

 

Dan:

I don't even know.

 

Maureen:

Yep.

 

Dan:

I'm having a real wide angle right now.

 

Maureen:

Yep.

 

Dan:

A month ago. A month ago we weren't talking like this.

 

Maureen:

We-

 

Dan:

And here we are.

 

Maureen:

Yeah, I guess it wasn't quite a month ago. It was around a month ago, though.

 

Dan:

Yeah.

 

Maureen:

This, I think-

 

Dan:

Yeah. I know that. So-

 

Maureen:

... was around the time that-

 

Dan:

We are now 32 days in quarantine. So it's right around a month. But whatever episode would have preceded the Wednesday before we went underground, didn't sound like this, Maureen. Didn't sound like this. This is ...

 

Maureen:

Bernie Sanders-

 

Dan:

Remember how-

 

Maureen:

Bernie Sanders dropped out this week.

 

Dan:

Was that this week?

 

Maureen:

Yeah, it was a couple days ago.

 

Dan:

God, it was. It was this ... See? I need that podcast.

 

Maureen:

Yeah. Imagine the big deal that it would have been to us. It would have been so big, remember?

 

Dan:

And huge.

 

Maureen:

Yeah.

 

Dan:

I would have been a real thing.

 

Maureen:

We have a nominee.

 

Dan:

We do.

 

Maureen:

We-

 

Dan:

And it's Joe Biden.

 

Maureen:

Oh, no. Oh, no. It's happened. Oh my God.

 

Dan:

I can't breathe.

 

Maureen:

Oh, no. A revolution has come.

 

Dan:

Take my glasses off.

 

Maureen:

It's Joe Biden. It just happened. The car just rolled down the hill, Dan.

 

Dan:

It's Joe Biden.

 

Maureen:

It's Joe Biden. We could have had a bad bitch. But what we got, then-

 

Dan:

We got the-

 

Maureen:

We got Joe Biden.

 

Dan:

We could have had anything.

 

Maureen:

We could have had anything. We could have had anything.

 

Dan:

We could have had anything. Literally anything.

 

Maureen:

Yep.

 

Dan:

Oh, shit. My whole chest hurts right now.

 

Maureen:

20 nominees, Dan. 20.

 

Dan:

My whole chest really aches right now.

 

Maureen:

Dan.

 

Dan:

Well, that's exciting.

 

Maureen:

We have a nominee.

 

Dan:

February's just around the corner.

 

Maureen:

What?

 

Dan:

We'll still be inside.

 

Maureen:

February?

 

Dan:

November. I don't know anything. What is anything anymore?

 

Maureen:

That was ... What are you talking about?

 

Dan:

I don't know.

 

Maureen:

Dr. Carter's Shoe was going to visit, but honestly, I can't afford to cough. It's just, I can't risk it.

 

Dan:

Oh, my God.

 

Maureen:

If you cough here, people throw you down a well.

 

Dan:

Fucking Joe Biden.

 

Maureen:

That's right.

 

Dan:

Jesus Christ.

 

Amy Carter's Shoe:

Hey.

 

Dan:

Oh, no. Oh, no. Hi. Hi, Amy. I'm excited for you, Amy Carter's Shoe.

 

Amy Carter's Shoe:

Thank you. I wasn't going to come, but-

 

Dan:

I've genuinely ... This has been a big-

 

Amy Carter's Shoe:

I've been staying away.

 

Dan:

... day, big week for you.

 

Amy Carter's Shoe:

That's right. I knew all along.

 

Dan:

Do you know what day it is?

 

Amy Carter's Shoe:

It's Joe Day. Every day.

 

Dan:

It's Joe Day.

 

Amy Carter's Shoe:

That's right. I told you.

 

Dan:

Every-

 

Amy Carter's Shoe:

Why didn't you listen?

 

Dan:

You did. You knew.

 

Amy Carter's Shoe:

I always knew.

 

Dan:

Amy Carter's Shoe, you were right from the beginning.

 

Amy Carter's Shoe:

That's right, I was. I lived in the White House. Of course I fucking knew. I know what's what.

 

Dan:

I get that you have firsthand expertise. It was more your criteria that I questioned than your expertise.

 

Amy Carter's Shoe:

What do you mean?

 

Dan:

But it turns out your criteria was right, too.

 

Amy Carter's Shoe:

What do you mean?

 

Dan:

I don't want to tell you what I mean.

 

Amy Carter's Shoe:

Come on. Tell me. Say it.

 

Dan:

I don't want to say it.

 

Amy Carter's Shoe:

Say it.

 

Dan:

I don't want to-

 

Amy Carter's Shoe:

Say it.

 

Dan:

I did, I just fucking walked right into that one.

 

Amy Carter's Shoe:

Yes you did.

 

Dan:

I questioned the enthusiasm that you had for his balls. That seemed to be the main decision making process on your part, but it turns out you were fully correct.

 

Amy Carter's Shoe:

Stretchy balls. You know what? Hey, a lot of times, you know how you can tell what time it is? Because my man's balls, they knock back and forth between his knees like a clock. Bong-

 

Dan:

Oh, God.

 

Amy Carter's Shoe:

... bong, bong. Oh, 4:00 o'clock. That's right. So stretchy. That's right sprouts, my man's going to be President.

 

Dan:

Oh, God.

 

Amy Carter's Shoe:

Vote for my man.

 

The Other Shoe:

Vote for my man.

 

Amy Carter's Shoe:

Your man lost. Fuck you.

 

The Other Shoe:

Oh, no. Oh, no.

 

Amy Carter's Shoe:

Your man endorsed my man.

 

The Other Shoe:

Yeah- [crosstalk 00:50:25]

 

Dan:

It's the other shoe.

 

The Other Shoe:

That's right. Vote for Bern.

 

Amy Carter's Shoe:

It's over. Shut up.

 

The Other Shoe:

It's never over. Vote for Bern.

 

Amy Carter's Shoe:

Goddammit. Even Bern says, "Vote for Joe."

 

The Other Shoe:

Shut up.

 

Amy Carter's Shoe:

You shut up.

 

Dan:

Oh, God.

 

The Other Shoe:

I'm the left shoe.

 

Amy Carter's Shoe:

I'm the left shoe.

 

The Other Shoe:

We can't both be left shoes, you know.

 

Amy Carter's Shoe:

We're both-

 

The Other Shoe:

We're both left shoe.

 

Amy Carter's Shoe:

We're both left shoes.

 

Dan:

What does that mean?

 

Maureen:

It's Joe Biden.

 

Dan:

I don't even understand.

 

Maureen:

Joe Biden. It just happened, Dan. It just happened like butter-

 

Dan:

It just happened.

 

Maureen:

... just butter sliding down a plate. Just [inaudible 00:51:11].

 

Dan:

It just happened.

 

Maureen:

It was just-

 

Dan:

Think of how much-

 

Maureen:

It's like falling in a hole.

 

Dan:

Think of how much hay we would have made of this.

 

Maureen:

I barely blinked.

 

Dan:

Yeah. It's just like, "Oh, right. Got to go clean the mail."

 

Maureen:

There is, also, speaking of mail, there is the weird thing that's happening this week that apparently we all have to somehow rescue the Post Office.

 

Dan:

Maureen Johnson, I have gone on record, on this podcast-

 

Maureen:

You sure have.

 

Dan:

... many times-

 

Maureen:

Bit fan.

 

Dan:

... about my love for the United States Postal Service. And I cannot even describe the level of anger that I feel that there is apparently an attempt to end it, right now, when there are postal employees walking around, bringing important shit to people, putting themselves at risk. A just absolute miracle of a system where I can write a thing, put it in an envelope for 50 cents get it anywhere in this goddamn country, in a couple of days. It's the greatest thing in the world. Fucking love the Postal Service, I always have. It's the best. it's where fucking dreams come true, in the goddamn mail.

 

Maureen:

Yep. And who knows? Maybe we're not going to have one because that's a thing?

 

Dan:

It feels very odd to me that this concerted effort to shit can the postal service is happening in concert with a concerted effort to fund nationwide vote by mail, which we are likely going to need in November. Those two things cannot possibly be separate things.

 

Maureen:

And yet-

 

Dan:

You can't vote by mail if you don't have fucking mail, Maureen.

 

Maureen:

I don't know, Dan. Smoking, and making Barbie clothes from Aunt Fanny's scraps.

 

Dan:

Sounds good. Picking up a bird from Sears.

 

Maureen:

Getting a bird from Sears. You could get anything at Sears: Lawn mower, a bird, some cool polyester pants, a hat, other stuff, candy, used to be candy counters in a bunch of those stores.

 

Dan:

Yeah.

 

Maureen:

Yep.

 

Dan:

When I was a child once, I got lost in a Marshall Fields, which I don't think you all had on the east coast. You all had Macy's. But it was the equivalent of Macy's. It's a midwest equivalent of Macy's. And I got lost in a Marshall Fields, and couldn't find my family. And for some reason, decided that the thing I should do was not to walk up to anyone that worked at a Marshall Fields and say, "Hey, I've lost my family." But instead, to go back to the car and of course, because this was the early '80s, we didn't lock the car. And so, I got back in the car and just sat there and waited for my family to give up the search for me, and come back to the car. I remember waiting a really long time. And I remember there was a fly in the car. And I started just being like, "Well, fly. It's you and me now. We're just hanging out here."

 

Maureen:

Yeah, you get left in the car a lot. "Just stay in the car." It was a big thing.

 

Dan:

Oh, definitely.

 

Maureen:

Do you just leave your kids in the car?

 

Dan:

Never. Well, now, with the 14 year old, yes. But at the age that I would have been left in the car as a child? No. Never.

 

Maureen:

Seriously, you guys. It was a remarkable time. There were no seat belts, you just did whatever. You just went out. And I was a very, very protected child. But I could go out, fucking take the bike and go. You're never wearing helmets, you're just whatever. You just go. You just fucking go.

 

Dan:

Oh, yeah. I remember, man, I had a friend that had one of those enormous station wagons and the pleather seats, the bench seats in the back. And it was so fun, because-

 

Maureen:

It's-

 

Dan:

... there were no seat belts. And-

 

Maureen:

You'd slide.

 

Dan:

... their parents would take turns really fast so that you could go flying across that bench seat. That was a real, something you'd look forward to. I remember he had a bunch of those Garfield comics books, those ones that were really long, back there, too. So you'd just read Garfield comics and slide around. And man, that was a whole weekend, right there. That was-

 

Maureen:

Yeah, but-

 

Dan:

That was really having a good time.

 

Maureen:

Yeah, and before the internet, we had to just rub sticks together for fun. I can't tell if this is-

 

Dan:

Good. That's what we're-

 

Maureen:

... old-

 

Dan:

... doing now.

 

Maureen:

... or awesome. We're just giving you some tips, now, for what you can do.

 

Dan:

It's so fucked up.

 

Maureen:

While you're preparing to go campaign for Joe Biden ...

 

Dan:

Could make Joe masks. Just spend my time stitching together Joe masks.

 

Maureen:

Vote for Joe. Come on, let's do this. It's 2020, man, let's do it.

 

Dan:

Says Who is made possible by you. Through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho, bonus content going up for Town Watch supporters pretty much every Sunday. It's high quality, like this.

 

Maureen:

Is it?

 

Dan:

Sure. But anyway, patreon.com/sayswho. Really and truly, you do help make all of this happen. Our theme music is performed by Ted Leo, Ted Leo's staying inside. Our logo, designed by Darth. Darth is inside. You can contact us @sayswhopodcast on Twitter, you can e-mail it. Hey, that is H-E-Y, @sayswhopodcast.com. You can join the discussion on Facebook and for real, the Facebook group at /groups/sayswhovians is filled with wonderful and amazing people, and is moderated by Janice Dillard. It is a real source of goodness right now. So thanks to everyone who has been participating in it. And to the many folks that are working in hospitals, and grocery stores, and working delivery, and everything else that are a part of that Sayswhovian group, we are hearing your stories and we are thinking about you. So thank-

 

Maureen:

Thanks.

 

Dan:

... you all.

 

Maureen:

Thanks for keeping everybody alive, which is exactly what you're doing.

 

Dan:

For real. For real. You can spread the word, subscribe, and leave stars and reviews on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen. I said this last week, and it still is true, this podcast and every podcast is seeing a dip in listeners because many people listen on their commutes, or when they're at the gym, or that sort of thing. And none of us are doing those things right now. And so one of the best ways that you can support this podcast and the other podcast that you love but maybe have been unable to figure out how to fit into your week, is to leave a review on Apple Podcasts because that is the currency with which we all live. So please do, if you can, leave a review. You can join us next Wednesday, April 22nd-

 

Maureen:

Whatever.

 

Dan:

... for our next episode. And you'll know that it's Wednesday, April 22nd, because maybe you'll be a subscriber to my new podcast where I tell you what day of the week it is.

 

Maureen:

It's a very good idea.

 

Dan:

I think it is. It might-

 

Maureen:

And I think that-

 

Dan:

... happen.

 

Maureen:

... unlike impeachment.fyi, you probably won't have to stay up all night doing it.

 

Dan:

Unless I forget what day it is.

 

Maureen:

You could-

 

Dan:

I've got to-

 

Maureen:

You could batch-

 

Dan:

... calculate by the stars.

 

Maureen:

You could batch record, these, Dan, and just have them go up.

 

Dan:

That's wild. I've never done anything, I could batch anything.

 

Maureen:

Little fact of the day.

 

Dan:

I don't even batch big cookies. I cook them one at a time.

 

Maureen:

Did I tell you about my-

 

Dan:

From my basement-

 

Maureen:

... baking supplies?

 

Dan:

No. Save it for the bonus content, Maureen.

 

Maureen:

Oh, all right. All right.

 

Dan:

Save that good shit for the bonus content.

 

Maureen:

Okay, sorry.

 

Dan:

Are you kidding me?

 

Maureen:

All right. Well, hold on.

 

Dan:

Don't drop those baking supplies until you're on the free cast. Oh, no. Are you there?

 

Maureen:

I know I just coughed.

 

Dan:

Oh, yeah.

 

Maureen:

It's a little scratch throat, that's all.

 

Dan:

Okay. All right. From my basement in Chicago, I am Dan Sinker.

 

Maureen:

From my place in New York, New York, New York, where someone has taken to blasting New York, New York, out of a stereo speaker after the nightly cheer.

 

Dan:

Oh, no.

 

Maureen:

It's kind of-

 

Dan:

No.

 

Maureen:

... nice. Yeah.

 

Dan:

Okay.

 

Maureen:

I kind of like it.

 

Dan:

I would rather it be that, the Alicia Keys song.

 

Maureen:

We'll take it, Dan, at this point.

 

Dan:

All right.

 

Maureen:

It's something.

 

Dan:

Okay.

 

Maureen:

Okay.

 

Dan:

Just, you should just say your name now.

 

Maureen:

Say my name?

 

Dan:

[inaudible 01:01:52] your name. Yeah. You were so close. You were just really close to that a second ago. You were just like, "From my apartment in New York and blah ... " And then you were ready. You were, but then we got sidelined.

 

Maureen:

Right.

 

Dan:

Just not a big Frank Sinatra fan, is all. But you could still-

 

Maureen:

I don't get it.

 

Dan:

... say your name.

 

Maureen:

I could say my name. My name. Oh, now?

 

Dan:

Yeah.

 

Maureen:

Okay. From my basement in Chicago-

 

Dan:

I did that one. That one's me.

 

Maureen:

Where were we?

 

Dan:

Just we're at ending.

 

Maureen:

Right.

 

Dan:

We're ending. You just to-

 

Maureen:

Where I say my name?

 

Dan:

You just need to sign out, yeah.

 

Maureen:

Say my name.

 

Dan:

Where you are, and your name, that's it.

 

Maureen:

Okay.

 

Dan:

And you're always the same place, so it should be real easy.

 

Maureen:

It should be easy, right. I'm-

 

Dan:

I know, I can tell that you're not in the notes, but this part seems like it should be straightforward.

 

Maureen:

I couldn't get into the notes this week.

 

Dan:

I know.

 

Maureen:

It didn't let me have access.

 

Dan:

I know.

 

Maureen:

Why?

 

Dan:

That's okay. There really wasn't anything in there. I don't know why. I couldn't get ... your [inaudible 01:03:10] ... This is where we're at. We're talking about Google app permissions.

 

Maureen:

Joe Biden.

 

Dan:

God.

 

Maureen:

It's Joe Biden. Yay.

 

Dan:

Just say your name.

 

Maureen:

I'm Joe Biden.

 

Dan:

This has been Says Who.

 

Maureen:

Just take it. Just let it happen. Just let it wash over you.

 

Dan:

That's good.

 

Maureen:

Wash over you.

 

Dan:

I did.

 

Maureen:

Just let it, like a springtime rain. Just, "Ah."

 

Dan:

Hm.