When life gives you a boat parade, you watch it sink to the bottom of a lake under the weight of twelve Trump flags.
Splish splash! Dan and Maureen have washed up on the shore of another week. Dan is feeling better, partially because of his Thicky Chex dinosaur arms, and partially because Zoom Kindergarten was canceled today. Maureen is having fond memories of airplane coffee. It’s all about lowering your standards.
There’s a lot to discuss, but obviously, when life gives you a boat parade, you watch it sink to the bottom of a lake under the weight of twelve Trump flags. Michael Cohen wrote a book. And Trump has been looting a French embassy. So, pretty normal stuff as we approach the four year anniversary of the start of Says Who, and the nearly six month marker of whatever this pandemic thing is now. Dan and Maureen no longer know.
Ahoy, Says Whovia! We’re going right to the bottom!
Dan:
This episode of Says Who is brought to you-
Maureen:
Dan, no, no, no. No, no, no, no.
Dan:
What?
Maureen:
We can't start with a deep sigh.
Dan:
I was just centering myself, Maureen. That's all. I was just centering myself.
Maureen:
We're going to center. We're both going to center, and a breathe in and exhale. Now, lift up your hands above your head like you're in triumph.
Dan:
It's too short in the basement.
Maureen:
Then kind of do jazz hands. Can you just do jazz hands?
Dan:
I'm just going to go out, out from my body instead of-
Maureen:
... little thicky jack's arms like all dinosaur orchestra arms. That's what we call all dinosaur orchestra arms when you just have them clenched your body and just your hands were out a little bit like a T-Rex. Now.
Dan:
This episode of Says Who is brought to you by you.
Maureen:
There we go, better.
Dan:
Through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho where every Sunday you get your own extra episode of Says Who. If you're just a $5-amount supporter or up, extra Says Who every Sunday. Who doesn't love that? Patreon.com/sayswho.
Maureen:
Damn it, Dan. You crushed it. You fucking crushed it.
Dan:
I crushed it.
Maureen:
Everybody could feel that. He's back, baby. The beard is back.
Dan:
I said it with a smile as I did it. Could you hear the smile, Maureen?
Maureen:
Dan, I sure could.
Dan:
Good.
Maureen:
All right. Hey, do you like books? Of course, you do. I always say the same thing. If you read all books, if you want my books, I've written the Truly Devious series, but I have a special little offer this time. So, from now until I believe November 1st, I think that's it. Barnes & Noble is featuring Truly Devious and you can get it. So if you go to any Barnes & Noble café and buy a café item, you can get Truly Devious for $5. And I think they actually have them at the café like when you [crosstalk 00:02:26]. I think they're there.
Maureen:
And if you are like, "I can't go into Barnes & Noble right now." Covered. If you shop at barnesandnoble.com and you buy any book, you can also get Truly Devious for $5.
Dan:
Wow.
Maureen:
Yeah, it's good. I mean when I first heard about this promotion, I was really happy but I didn't realize just how many like people were like, "Yeah, I'm going to go and get a coffee and a book," because it's basically the cost of a second coffee or something like that. So people really liked it. I immediately got pictures of people with their coffee or their cookie and the book. At any Barnes & Noble or barnesandnoble.com, you can get it for $5 and you get the physical book. Yeah, it's good. It's a good deal.
Maureen:
Obviously, local bookstores whenever you buy a book at a local bookstore, you are not just investing in a book, you're investing in the community in a big way. So I'm always going to shout out to local bookstores. And also your library, when you use it, that's good. Anyway, that's books. It's a pretty good one today though, right?
Dan:
It was. I mean we're full of good stuff. Speaking of good stuff, see what I did there?
Maureen:
I see it.
Dan:
You can go to merch.sayswhopodcast.com and get yourself some good stuff. We've got mugs. We've got shirts. We've got an apron. We've got fanny packs, what else? We got stuff, merch.sayswhopodcast.com. We've got stuff.
Drive Thru Kid:
Welcome to McDonald's, can I take your order please?
The Passenger:
Yeah, I'm going to have a crab burger?
Drive Thru Kid:
That's not anything that we have.
The Passenger:
Grape milkshake, and-
Drive Thru Kid:
It's not a thing.
The Passenger:
Broccoli fries.
Drive Thru Kid:
They're kind of gross. Both of those would be very gross. You seemed very wet. Why? It's not raining.
The Passenger:
As you might notice, if you look back through the ... We're towing a boat.
Drive Thru Kid:
Yeah, it looks a little wet too.
The Passenger:
Yeah. Well, what happened, kid, is he wanted a boat parade. He likes boats. He really likes-
Drive Thru Kid:
I've seen or heard about this. [crosstalk 00:04:57] got to flag some things?
The Passenger:
Do you know how many flags you ... [crosstalk 00:05:08] I'm very cold and tired. I wasn't under water for a while but I was in the water for like three, four hours. He said don't leave ... It was sinking. It was going down and they told me I wasn't allowed to leave the boat. So, I was up there. I was clinging to that Garmin GPS, $3,000 GPS we had on the top of that goddamn boat and-
Drive Thru Kid:
That's a nice GPS.
The Passenger:
It is.
Drive Thru Kid:
You probably knew exactly where you went down.
The Passenger:
Well, they could see us from the shore. We were all out in Lake Travis.
Drive Thru Kid:
It's just a lake?
The Passenger:
Yeah, there's a lot of-
Drive Thru Kid:
You sunk out of a lake?
The Passenger:
Yeah.
Drive Thru Kid:
I thought you were on the ocean or something, more or like [inaudible 00:06:03] you were on a lake and you sunk?
The Passenger:
There were too many boats.
Drive Thru Kid:
What does that mean?
The Passenger:
There was too much wake and one of bigger boats sank all the smaller boats, kid. And I-
Drive Thru Kid:
That seems like a metaphor.
The Passenger:
... wear life preserver. He says, "No. No life preserver." So I was [crosstalk 00:06:28]. Kid, would you get in my boat?
Drive Thru Kid:
I'm not ... Clearly, your boat is not a safe place to be. Also not a dry one. I'm really dry in here right now, so I'm good.
The Passenger:
It's fine on land. It's fine on land. As long as I'm dragging out [crosstalk 00:06:47] really hard.
Drive Thru Kid:
You don't even have it on a trailer. Have you just been dragging it across the road?
The Passenger:
Yeah, you get used to the sparks. It's fine.
Drive Thru Kid:
That seems not what you're supposed to do at all.
The Passenger:
None of these. None of these is what we're supposed to be doing, kid. None of it. It's only going to get worst. There's only eight or so weeks left. Do you realize how bad it's going to be? Do you have any idea?
Drive Thru Kid:
You mean in the boat?
The Passenger:
We're all in the same boat.
Drive Thru Kid:
Oh.
Maureen:
Welcome to Says Who, the podcast that isn't a podcast.
Dan:
It's a coping strategy. I'm Dan Sinker.
Maureen:
And I'm Maureen Johnson. I'm telling you, thicky jack arms. When you're feeling down-
Dan:
I feel good.
Maureen:
... thick jack's arms. Hey, Dan, you sound a hell of a lot better than you did last week.
Dan:
I'm great, because Zoom Kindergarten didn't happen today, Maureen, because the district has content blockers so that I guess, so my five-year-old can't go on porn sites. And today, the content blockers rose up and blocked school itself.
Maureen:
Oh, no. What?
Dan:
I spent 40 minutes being like, "What's wrong with this stupid iPad piece of shit thing?" Finally, I ended up calling their tech support, the district's tech support where I got a very beleaguered and exhausted-sounding woman who's like, "Yeah, our content blocking company is blocking all of the portals that we used." So, no school today. It was great. It's like a snow day except it wasn't snowing. It was awesome. Just I feel so much better, it's kind of amazing how much better I feel.
Maureen:
Dan, I also didn't get a report from you on Friday about how kindergarten went.
Dan:
It was fine. I mean this is the thing. The last week was a series of simply diminishing my expectations until finally it was low enough that it met them. That's what we like in a school, Maureen.
Maureen:
Dan, I'm just going to say-
Dan:
Just lower your expectations until you can't be disappointed by it.
Maureen:
As an outsider, I'm listening to your voice and don't you think it's time for the Zoom Kindergarten to end now?
Dan:
Well, we're going to give it the old kindergarten try.
Maureen:
Why?
Dan:
I don't know. I don't know. It kind of feels like now we're in some sort of game of chicken with our own sanity.
Maureen:
Yeah, there's no reason for it. Just stop. Wait, does this mean that the teenager also didn't have school?
Dan:
No. So the high school and the grade schools where I live are different districts. And the high school is run remarkably competently and the grade schools are ... If you were to reveal to me that the school board was just sort of a box of chickens, it would make a lot more sense. So, sort of pecking at each other and shitting on each other.
Maureen:
Dan, the difference, one, you don't have kindergarten and the sound of your voice is so extreme that I think every single one of us is going to advise you right now. Immediately stop doing the kindergarten.
Dan:
And this is on ... I'm having a raging allergies today. So my body is sort of under siege by my nose and yet, I still feel better.
Maureen:
Allergies can fuck right off this year. I mean, honestly. I had an allergy attack the other day, and when I went outside, it was kind of windy and I started to cough just because I was picking up something on the wind. And I was like, "Oh, no. This cannot happen. This cannot happen, no. No. It's just not allowed this year. No."
Dan:
You were coughing down the street, you were like, "I've never seen Manhattan so empty," these people were diving off in the side streets as you walked.
Maureen:
It is just not allowed. No.
Dan:
No, it's not. It is, what day is it? We are recording this on the 8th of September. This is coming out on the night of September. Here in Chicago, the weather is like an early November day. There is a chill in the air to the point that I have a sweatshirt on.
Maureen:
Wow.
Dan:
And it is rainy and nasty, but I am very thankful because all the folks that I know out west are literally living in hell right now. So, we're thinking of you. It was 122 in parts of the LA area this weekend.
Maureen:
Yeah, I don't even know what to say about [crosstalk 00:12:11] no.
Dan:
And I have friends in Colorado today. Again, September 8th, who are getting snow. And yet they are also having forest fires. Doesn't seem good. Nothing in that seems good.
Maureen:
No, it really doesn't. So the whole LA or California heat situation and the smoke, between the fires and the air quality-
Dan:
NorCal I think is even worse air quality-wise than SoCal but they are both not good, not good.
Maureen:
No. I will say here on the East Coast, we are having a kind of picture perfect day. It's that kind of sweet 78, 79, maybe just touching 80 kind of day. Sunny, real soft, so-
Dan:
Yeah, we had that all weekend. It was really nice and now, we're sort of ... We descended into fall apparently in-
Maureen:
It will come back.
Dan:
Oh, it will definitely come back and that I don't think that this is it. But I'll take it. I'll take a couple of days although it has really rocked the entire inside of my head in a way that is not all that fun. But anyway, Maureen-
Maureen:
Wait, we have an important anniversary coming up.
Dan:
We sure do. We sure do.
Maureen:
We have two of them.
Dan:
Well, we have two.
Maureen:
Yeah, one is that ... It looks like on Sunday, we will celebrate six months of quarantine.
Dan:
Whee! I have lost count in weeks and months. You know what? I was wondering this about a week or two ago. I don't know what even to call this anymore. It's not quarantine. I mean, technically, it has never been quarantine. But I don't know what this sort of extended limbo is actually other than just what, life? I guess that's what you call it now. I don't know. It is weird to me that I don't have words to describe what this is anymore.
Maureen:
Yeah, because it's different everywhere. I mean, still here in New York, a lot of stuff isn't opened. Things like retail has opened again. You can't eat inside restaurants and there's now a really terrifyingly harebrained plan that in order to reopen indoor dining, I believe it was Cuomo who suggested putting a 4,000 police officers into restaurants to enforce-
Dan:
I'm sorry?
Maureen:
Yeah. You heard me correctly.
Dan:
Wow.
Maureen:
And I want to talk about just real briefly why that's a terrible idea. I guess the first line is 4,000 police officers inside of restaurants enforcing social distancing, top line cops in restaurants. Second, they are real bad at wearing masks. Frequently, I mean I saw a lot of cops around. They are most likely not wearing masks. They don't like them. They don't wear them, not the NYPD. So yeah, that is the current plan on the table.
Dan:
That seems ... I mean, I know that Bill de Blasio is a moron, but boy, that really seems like a plan that is just about as tone deaf to the moment as you can get.
Maureen:
Mm-hmm (affirmative). It's bad.
Dan:
That is something. But yeah, I think that we could be eating inside a restaurant if we wanted to at some sort of lower capacity, but we haven't. Actually, Maureen Johnson, I stepped foot into a building for the first time since March 13th in this last week because the teen, they did a distanced pickup of his high school books and things like that. Did you just step into a haunted house?
Maureen:
I had to get another pair of headphones because this one gave me that, yes.
Dan:
So, the teenager's school did a distanced pickup of the various school books and things that he needs to complete his high school year. And when we did it, this was two or three weeks ago and I've talked about this high school before. It is 4,000 kids, so every single thing is this massive production. And it's always kind of amazing that it goes off as planned.
Dan:
So we did this distanced pickup and we got home. They put the books right into the trunk of our car. Everything was great. We got home and I grabbed the bag, and I said, "Wow, man. There's not a lot in here." And then it was like one novel and a handout. So he very dutifully wrote all of his teachers and said, "Yeah, I think that I might be missing some stuff. Can you give me a rundown of what I should have gotten?" And as one would expect, he got this very long list of things. And now, every single item is being released in sort of dribs and drabs and the most recent was that we had to go to the high school to pick up, I think, a physics workbook or something like that.
Dan:
So that was a big moment for me going into a building. He came with me. And as he rightly pointed out, he said, "Not only is this the first building that I'd been in since March 13th, it was the last building I was in as well." And then he just laughed and he said, "I'm making my triumphant return."
Maureen:
That's funny.
Dan:
Then he got his physics notebook and they actually had a very, very good system for all of that. And the person distributing it was behind plexiglass and all of that. Anyway, my "don't call it a quarantine, it's been here for years" has taken on a new face in which I have stepped into a building.
Maureen:
Yeah, I do go in and out of buildings not every day but once or twice a week. It's usually Walgreens-
Dan:
I mean, we have been in a very lucky position and that we do groceries. We pick up and they bring them right into the trunk of the car, and then Janice's various meds, she gets mailed to her. So we have not had to do the pharmacy stuff and things like that. But as with anything that goes this long, we are now reaching the point where we need to do doctor's appointments and things like that, so everything goes out the window.
Maureen:
I will say that because New York was so ravaged that again, we have systems here. So, everywhere is plexiglass barriers and masks and a lot of face shields. And so our rates are like we're doing really well here. And we're all pretty careful. I've seen some fascinating things like we have a lot of nail salons in New York City just like there's usually one or two every block. I mean, there's been a lot of publicity about how nail care workers are treated poorly, deprived of their tips or basically, forced to live in small cramped places and have a lot of their money taken away and have their work permits held over their heads, that kind of situation.
Maureen:
So this is already an employee group that suffers quite a lot. And when I walk down the street and pass nail salons, I see two things which are really seemingly well-constructed barriers have been built around the pedicure chairs and the stations. So when you get into a pedicure chair, it's like a chair up on a platform. So you sit up on this chair and then there's a sink below. You know what it looks like. And they fill little compartments around all of them. So there's like a little swing plexiglass door so the door swings open and then it closes and then your feet just kind of come out.
Dan:
Oh, wow.
Maureen:
So each chair has one of those around it, and then the stations are similar that plexiglass barriers have been built around all of those. But you basically never see anybody. I've seen like two people in the nail salons. So mostly you see the employees sitting there reading their phones. It's very sad. But the ingenuity and the care that has been put into building protections around the chairs for everybody is encouraging. So we have a lot of ...
Maureen:
Also, going into Walgreens here, it's like me going to a speakeasy because Walgreens has the stuff. So when you go in, I tried to peek in so I kind of run in through the double doors, and there's a little cart that they have upfront now that's just full of crap, like these various things that have to be reshelved. But every once in a while, they'll have 20 bottles of alcohol and a hastily printed out sign that says, "Limit two." I think I got a bottle of alcohol once. I have managed to get two cans of disinfectant.
Maureen:
Every once in a while they have this weird Off brand disinfectant wipes. So I've gotten two containers of those. Also, Ace Hardware has these really strange items every once in a while that you can go in and get. And so, I've been ... Next week, Dan, if all goes to plan, I'm going to get a car like I did when I went away in July. But I'm going to drive down and see my parents for the day and out in the backyard like I'm finally checking on them, and see how they are in person.
Maureen:
I talk to them every day and I send them all their food. I've made sure they never had to go to a store even once so I've purchased every single thing and sent it to the house in six months. I'm like, "The whole point is that you will want for nothing. If you want something, I will find it." My dad wants some weird item that for whatever reason the supermarket doesn't have, Dan, I will source that shit. I will find it and I will send it to them no matter where I ... And I spend a lot of time doing this, Dan, a lot of time just like ... The thing that's making you all antsy is that you can't get your Smucker's pineapple ice cream topping. I will search the world and I will find it for you.
Maureen:
But I collect things in a bag for them so I have some spray, some face shields, things that I haven't been able to get online or that can't be sent. A bottle of bleach, things like that. And these are the triumphant things I'm going to ... That's my triumphant return, is I'm going to down and we're going to sit either outside or in ... They have a screened-in porch areas or down there, and I will bring them this bag of stuff. And then I will drive back in the evening.
Dan:
Wow.
Maureen:
Yeah.
Dan:
Well, there you go. We're back. Who else is back, Maureen? Congress. They're back from their summer vacation because that must be nice in the midst of a pandemic, economic crisis and a racial reckoning to get some good old R&R.
Maureen:
Yeah, sounds good.
Dan:
They got to be ready and rested and just rearing to help.
Maureen:
Oh, sounds good.
Dan:
Doesn't it? They're ready. They're ready to go. Good to have you back, boys.
Maureen:
Yeah. It was a good time for you, guys, to take off but-
Dan:
Yeah. Now, you're ready, so are we. Remember when they sent us $1,200? That was good. That was a good time. That was what? Four months ago?
Maureen:
Yeah, when was that?
Dan:
Thanks for the effort. It was like March and April.
Maureen:
Jesus.
Dan:
Thanks for the effort, guys. I really appreciate it.
Maureen:
Dan, one thing I did this last week was I bought a new monitor for my computer [crosstalk 00:26:24]. The monitor I was using broke and then the one they sent me was broken and had screws rattling around inside of it. And so then I had to send that one back and get another one. So it was a lot of ridiculous circular stuff like that but I was like, "All right. Well, while I'm doing this, I'll move stuff in and out of my closet because I needed supplies." And I was like, "Well, I'm in here and I drag out the bins of emergency food," because some of them had reached six months old.
Maureen:
So I had to look at all the dates of the things and say, "Okay, some of you are going to go into regular circulation now and be eaten." They were like, "Yay!" And that included a large box I bought of the shelf stable milk.
Dan:
Oh, yeah. Wow.
Maureen:
And in little individual containers like you would give to a little kid, that was the only way to buy it. So, I dragged this into the kitchen and I said to Oscar, you got to drink all these milk. You got to drink all these little weird little milk. You got to start putting in this your coffee because you got to use them." So I've been putting these UVH, is that what it's called? The milk in my coffee and the first day I did, I was sipping it, I went, "Hmm." And I realized I was very happy about it. And it made me feel like it had a taste memory that was very pleasant.
Maureen:
And I was like, "What about this that's making me so cheerful?" And I realized, Dan, that the happy familiar feeling I was tasting was that it tasted like airplane coffee, which is I don't know what to do with that.
Dan:
That's sad, because airplane coffee is terrible but it's now nostalgic.
Maureen:
Yeah. Are you also getting these increasingly desperate emails from airlines?
Dan:
Oh, yeah. Well, we had a trip to Disney planned for this fall. Janice was going to do one of the half marathon there. And we have canceled all of that, but kayak.com keeps sending me increasingly just absurd airline offers for the same week that we were supposed to go. The most recent was $60 round trip, like what?
Maureen:
Oh, my god.
Dan:
I couldn't take a bus to like St. Louis for $60 round trip, I don't think.
Maureen:
There is no way that's covering the jet fuel.
Dan:
Oh, no, and definitely not covering like cleaning that would be needed.
Maureen:
No.
Dan:
Speaking-
Maureen:
They just sound so sad and so lonely.
Dan:
They do. My favorite is United, I swear, has sent at least three or four different like "We've upgraded our cleaning policies" and they keep renaming it so that now it's like "When you fly, you're on the clean diamond 17 plus cleaning service." I was like, okay.
Maureen:
You know what, United? Suck my ass. The last time I was flying around with you during tour, I sat in a seat that had a straight up used band-aid on the arm-rest and I was like, "There is a used band-aid on this arm-rest." And to be fair, somebody did come and remove it and wiped the seat down but you know what? Come on, we all know what you're up to and the people taking their masks off and the ... You know what? Suck it.
Maureen:
Suck it, airline industry, not your employees. Your employees, obviously with them, they work hard with an often thankless job of people who are terrible to them because we're all herded around like cattle and forced to run on to the gate, onto the plane Hunger Games style to try to shove things into the overhead space to save money, so we don't have to check bag and you make us fight for resources and club each other and sit with 90-pound bags on our laps. You know what? Suck my ass. We're not going. It's all right.
Dan:
It's all right.
Maureen:
Diamond 59 cleaning, whatever. That's just, you clean. Stop making people clean the planes in 30 seconds for 50 cents an hour.
Dan:
Sounds like a good plan.
Maureen:
You jags.
Dan:
Well, Maureen Johnson, you thought air travel was fun. Let me tell you about boat travel.
Maureen:
I wish you would.
Dan:
So, the Donald Trump boat parades are going well. This weekend at Lake Travis in Austin, Texas, five boats sank. Many more had to call in for distress and were towed before they sank. The final of the five that sank, Maureen, three are still submerged. The weather was calm. The boats sank themselves.
Maureen:
We're so beyond-
Dan:
The first photos I saw, I saw really big waves and I was like, "Wow, that seems super choppy to have gone out on the water." It turns out those huge waves were being generated by other Trump boats who were gunning their engines and things like that because it was hilarious to swamp boats.
Maureen:
Yeah. We all enjoyed that day, Dan. No one was hurt, right? No one was hurt so we can laugh all we want because it's funny.
Dan:
Sure, oh, yeah.
Maureen:
That day, we were all really united with ... I mean when the #dumbkirk started to trend, I mean that was good. That was a good joke. It's funny. It's funny joke. It's a big hat, it's funny. And yeah, what do you even say? Honestly, Dan, if there isn't a jet ski parade, I don't know my onions. I mean it's got to be coming. These people love boats. They love boats. It's a real boaty kind of group. Boats and motorcycles because I assume that you've seen what's coming in out of Sturgis. There's been a paper today, and I'm just going to read you the introductory paragraph.
Dan:
Oh, I have not seen this.
Maureen:
One, introduction, begins with a quote. "Now, we're all here together tonight and we're being human once again. Fuck that COVID shit," Smash Mouth lead guitarist, Steve Harwell, 2020 Sturgis concert. Restrictions on large gatherings where a nearly universal policy adopted by US ... It's just the way it starts out is amazing and they're estimating that something like 250,000 cases are going to come out of it. A new study which track cellphone data, over 250,000 coronavirus cases have now been tied to the 10-day event.
Dan:
250,000?
Maureen:
Yes.
Dan:
I have not seen that. Jesus ...
Maureen:
Yes. That has just come out and it's now official classed as a super spreader event that is estimated that is going to cost the public or just a general cost of $12 billion in public health cost.
Dan:
Jesus. Well, I mean certainly even if you just look at South Dakota and North Dakota's COVID numbers, these are not populated states. So, their numbers have always been relatively low and they have in the last couple of weeks, the start of Sturgis hit and their COVID numbers just shoot up into basically just vertical line straight up at this point. So, well done, everyone.
Maureen:
Yeah. It's hard to even know what to say about that. But yes, this is again where we're at.
Dan:
Yeah. It is where we're at. Well, you know where else we're at, Maureen?
Maureen:
Tell me.
Dan:
We are in a military cemetery in France in 2018, according to The Atlantic that ran a story on Thursday. Trump, if you remember, it was the 100-year anniversary of the Battle of Belleau Woods, World War I. This is a place where 1,800 Americans have died and there's a cemetery there. And Trump was in France to mark the 100-year anniversary of that and did not go to the cemetery at that time. They said it was because it was raining and his helicopter couldn't fly, which I don't think that's how helicopters work. I don't think so.
Dan:
But now, it turns out according to The Atlantic, he asked his aides, "Why should I go to that cemetery? It's filled with losers." Because according to him, if you die in a war, you're a loser and a sucker. Another incident in the story had Trump and John Kelly who at that time was his chief of staff, General John Kelly, together at Arlington Cemetery where Kelly was paying respects at his son's grave and Trump walked up and said, "I don't get it. What's in it for them?" He seems great.
Dan:
He seems great. There's been a lot of blow back as one might expect, the Trump campaign and The White House have denied that he says that even though there are a lot of previous existing reports of him saying that John McCain wasn't a real war hero because he got caught and that he was a loser and things like that. So, it goes to say that there's a lot of preexisting argument in this favor.
Maureen:
Honestly when this broke, I was surprised it was a story because I thought we knew this. I thought that this was a ... And I think it was just that I have been thinking about all the other times that he'd said pretty much this exact same thing.
Dan:
Yeah, every other time. Every other time, but Maureen, that's been well-covered. What hasn't been well-covered is what he did on this trip to France after he ditched the cemetery. And I'd like to read to you, Maureen. Let's have a little read together an article from Bloomberg. I'm not going to read the headline because it gives it away, but this is how it starts.
Dan:
"After Donald Trump's planned trip to a French cemetery for fallen marines was canceled in November 2018, the US," ... Remember, canceled by him ... "the US leader had some extra time on his hands in a mansion filled with artwork. The next day, he went art shopping or the presidential equivalent. Trump fancied several of the pieces in the US ambassador's historic residence in Paris where he was staying, and on a whim, had them removed and loaded onto Air Force One, according to people familiar with the matter. The works are portrait, a bust, and a set of silver figurines were brought back to The White House." He seems great.
Dan:
"Trump's spur of the moment art caper is never previously reported. The incident was met with a mixture of amusement and astonishment at that time but caused headaches for White House and state department staffers, according to several people familiar with the episode." It's just good. The story unfolded like this, while in Paris, with other world leaders to commemorate the centennial of the end of World War I, Trump stayed at the official residence of US ambassador, Jamie McCourt, the palatial Hotel de Pontalba, or however you would say that in French. The mansion in Paris is 8th arrondissement, dates to 1842 and has served as the flagship of the state department's art in embassy's cultural diplomacy program and is open to tours.
Dan:
The Trump's planned visit to Belleau Woods cemetery was canceled and that left Trump with about six hours of free time in the ambassador's residence. It's like one of those Supermarket Sweeps.
Maureen:
I mean it really is.
Dan:
Yeah. The next day, Trump pointed at a Benjamin Franklin bust, a Franklin portrait and a set of figurines of Greek mythical characters and insisted the pieces come back with him to Washington.
Maureen:
You know what it is? It's more like, do you ever ... I think this is, I don't know if they do it anymore but on the game Wheel of Fortune, it used to be that all the money you won in the game, you didn't just get the money. You went on a weird shopping spree so they would open a curtain and they'd have like all this crap like just with price tags on it and you would immediately have to pick what items you wanted with the money that you'd won. So, if you won $5,000, you have $5,000 to spend in this room of crap.
Maureen:
And it was always something like, "This ceramic puma for $700. This matching elf candlesticks for $1,100 ..." It was just weird shit. And they're always ... A lot of jet skis, a figurine of a puma frequently figured into it, just stuff that you would not expect to cost this much money. And then I could just see him kind of going around and going, "I'll take this, I'll take this, I'll take this."
Dan:
Yeah. McCourt, the ambassador, was startled but didn't object. Trump later quipped that the envoy would get the art back "in six years" when his potential second term in office would be winding down. "The president brought these beautiful historic pieces which belonged to the American people back to the United States to be prominently displayed in the people's house," White House spokesman Judd Deere said. How perfect the name is Judd Deere?
Maureen:
I mean, it's pretty good.
Dan:
It's a pretty good name, Judd Deere, well done.
Maureen:
A 100% he's got a special stand by the door for his baseball caps.
Dan:
Oh, yeah, without a doubt. And it's like it's wood, kind of looks like antlers and it's wood and he's got like a wood engraved Judd.
Maureen:
Yeah, it's like Juddz Leadz or something.
Dan:
Yeah, both Juddz and Leadz spelled with a Z. Trump's move prompted some hair pulling and a furious exchange of emails back home between the state department's Bureau of Overseas Building Operations and White House officials who organized the art transfer. It's good stuff.
Dan:
Maureen, hope you're sitting down for this one. Trump who once used his charity to purchase a large portrait of himself is known to display in his private West Wing dining room mementos from various official trips and encounters over time that's included a pair of shoes gifted by Kanye West and an Ultimate Fighting Championship belt.
Maureen:
I got to go. I got to move to any other country right away.
Dan:
The figurines that caught Trump's eye found a new home on the fireplace mantel in The Oval Office depicting Greek gods they date to the early 20th century and were made by Neapolitan artist, Luigi Avolio, who is trying to pass them off as sculptures from the 16th or 17th centuries. In an Antiques Roadshow moment, Wengraf ... This is London based art dealer, Patricia Wengraf ... described the figurines as "20th century fakes of wannabe 17th century sculptures and of little value."
Maureen:
It checks out.
Dan:
The French art collection episode comes with a curious footnote after White House art curators examine the pieces Trump brought home. The president was told that the Franklin bust was also a replica. "He joked that he liked the fake better than the original," two people familiar with the episode said. The Franklin portrait snag from Paris was also a copy of the one Joseph-Siffred Duplessis painted in France in 1785, which was then held by the National Portrait Gallery.
Dan:
The curators actually ended up taking the original from the National Portrait Gallery and switched it with the fake so that Trump has the original now in The White House. Anyway, when you skip out on a 100-year anniversary of 1,800 Americans dead in the French battle, why not go pilfer art from a mansion?
Maureen:
I mean we're so far beyond ... I mean we don't have ... The Germans will have a word for something like this for when you're so far beyond parody that you've ... we're so, Dan, I just ...
Dan:
Maureen, you forgot to mention the other anniversary that's coming up. We got stuck on the sixth-month anniversary of quarantine but also next week, the four-year anniversary of this very podcast. I'm not ready.
Maureen:
We just started, Dan. I'm in my closet.
Dan:
You're not in your closet anymore. I still record in the basement.
Maureen:
You never moved. I have.
Dan:
Never moved. You have many times.
Maureen:
Now, I mean I've gone from the closet to ... I went from the bedroom closet. Then for a while, I converted the closet in my office. I fill that with the soundproofing tiles and used to sit in there in the dark with a little flashlight until I discovered that you heard me just the same if I sat outside the closet. So then I took all those tiles down and reclaimed my closet which was obviously a tremendous boon for me. For a while, I recorded in the living room where one time I remember I got punched in the face by a puppy in the living room.
Dan:
Yeah. You used to record it inside the puppy zone.
Maureen:
One time I was in the puppy zone and she jumped up and got me in the face and it happens a lot. And then now, I just record at my desk because it used to take me 20 minutes to set up. I'd have to drag equipment and I'd have to set up a little table in the dark. And I would say, "Okay, I'll be there in 20 minutes." Now, I'm just ready to go pretty much instantly.
Dan:
Now, anytime is go time. It's good.
Maureen:
Every time is go time. And as if to commemorate this occasion of Says Who and not the election, our guy Mr. Says Who himself has, today Tuesday, released a book. And Dan, I sent you message that said, "Are we going to have to read this dumb book?" And you said yes.
Dan:
Yeah. We are going to have to read this dumb book. I don't know when.
Maureen:
I don't want to give them any money.
Dan:
No, me neither.
Maureen:
I don't read books pirated online. I will read this book pirated online because I am desperately attempting not to give him money, or any company that would-
Dan:
Disloyal" A memoir.
Maureen:
I read the introduction because you could read that for free. You could just click on it and see it. And it's the first chapter of, "There I was in the car going to my senate testimony. I was wearing a baseball cap," that obligatory set-the-scene chapter, I bet you're wondering how I got here chapter.
Dan:
He should have hired us to ghostwrite it.
Maureen:
We would have done a very good job.
Dan:
The best thing about him having a ghostwriter would have been maybe, maybe he would have read the first chapter and then be like, "Oh, it's good." And then we could have done fucking anything, like go into space, fucking traveling back in time finding a race of giants. That would have been good.
Maureen:
But no. What we have is-
Dan:
We could have written the entire thing as a Land of the Lost fanfic and he would not have known. I've been hanging out with the Sleestaks.
Maureen:
Presumably, we're not going to have to read it because reporters will read it and then all of the highlights will be posted.
Dan:
That's probably true. Yeah, I have to say, Maureen Johnson, the prospect of reading that book, in all conceptual ways, I am like, "Yes, we should read it." And then I tried to think about when on earth during my waking hours which are literally never a moment of stopping, that would happen and I don't know.
Maureen:
Do you know that there are so many books out about Trump from Trump insiders in general, that I believe there is now a book coming out that is just a book about the books about Trump?
Dan:
Oh, dang. That person had a good ... That was a good pitch there. Damn it.
Maureen:
Yeah. I mean all of these motherfuckers, they all have books, all of them. All of them.
Dan:
Oh, yeah. Think about if he loses, or I guess even if he doesn't, that will be a big turnover of his staff between four and five, the year four and the start of year five. Man, that will be a whole another set of books. But if he loses, watch out, just a volume.
Maureen:
Could you hear me typing? Yeah, because I believe ... Yeah, also today, Sarah Huckabee Sanders published a memoir.
Dan:
Yeah. She also came out swinging against the allegations that Trump has said anything but just the highest of praise for our nation's warriors. And if there isn't someone that you can believe, it's Sarah Huckabee Sanders. Come on, she is just well-known for her forthright honesty.
Maureen:
I was so used to not seeing her face and then I had to look at her picture. And someone has just posted a photo of being on an airplane when I was looking up Sarah Huckabee Sanders. And it's someone I know who is someone booked a flight back to New York to come home. And he says, "Here's a picture of it. It's pre-COVID full." And it is true that this plane is just absolutely full of people.
Dan:
Yeah. I know a few people that have had to fly for various, one for a work thing, one for that with his father ended up in the hospital and he had to fly back. All of them have said, "I was expecting an empty flight and I was on a completely full flight."
Maureen:
Yeah.
Dan:
A lot of people eating food on the flights too. It just really feels like, come on now.
Maureen:
I mean I would be sitting there with a full, like an old tiny aquanaut kind of helmet on with a little window.
Dan:
Full spacesuit.
Maureen:
Oh, Dan. Well, this time next week, we'll be celebrating four years.
Dan:
Four years. And he knows. You know who we have to thank for that. Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho. Where every Sunday, you get a whole other episode of Says Who which is now I think the Quarantine Sunday, we are rolling up on 25 episodes of Quarantine Sundays.
Dan:
So, our extra bonus episode is now at the healthy number of podcast episode of a podcast. I mean we're just two months away from the debut of Says Too, our podcast where we wait for the actual results of the election to be announced.
Maureen:
And the thing is that it's a 100% guarantee that that's going to be happening.
Dan:
Oh, yeah, without I believe either the governor or the head of elections for the state of Michigan has now said that they will not be releasing their election results for likely a week. So that will be a good one. Says Too, you'll be able to get that through Patreon at Patreon.com/sayswho, probably, we don't know. But why not?
Maureen:
Please help us. Please, please help us. We're not making good choices. We don't know how to take care of ourselves. Please help us. Please help us.
Dan:
... music is performed by Ted Leo. Our logo is designed by Darth. You can contact us @sayswhopodcast on Twitter, and email at hey@sayswhopodcast.com. Join the discussion on Facebook at /groups/sayswhovians. Our Facebook group is moderated by Janice Dillard and has been filled since last week's episode where I just was in a pure state of misery over Zoom kindergarten. It has been filled with parents and teachers alike commiserating about how they are dealing, or not dealing, with remote schooling or in-person schooling.
Dan:
The thing that one needs to remember when thinking about schooling right now is every choice is terrible, so that's great. That's great. Spread the word, subscribe and please leave stars and reviews on Apple podcast or Spotify or wherever you listen. And you can join us next Wednesday, September 16th for our four-year anniversary episode.
Maureen:
See you tomorrow. See you tomorrow.
Dan:
From my basement in Chicago, I am Dan Sinker.
Maureen:
From my desk here in New York City, I'm Maureen Johnson.
Dan:
And this has been and will always be Says Who.
Maureen:
Please help us. Please help us. Please help us. We don't know how to take care of ourselves.
Dan:
We really don't.
Maureen:
We really don't.