We've never touched Ted Cruz.
Oh hello, SaysWhovia. We were just bleaching everything. Sit down here, on this nice clean seat. We boiled it.
Yes, you know what we’re talking about—the coronavirus. It’s the most popular microbe around. We don’t want to freak anyone out, except maybe the entire Trump administration who do not seem to be aware that it is happening. Which is why they all went to CPAC and coughed all over each other and now the most hilarious quarantine of all time is happening. Imagine not being able to touch Ted Cruz for fourteen days. Great, isn’t it?
Of course, there is still an election, which means that two shoe sisters are at odds with one another. Whose balls are lower? Stretchier? How can we find out?
In any case, everything is safe here in SaysWhovia. We’ve never touched Ted Cruz.
Dan:
This episode of Says Who is brought to you by you, through your support of our Patreon, at patreon.com/SaysWho.
Dan:
Not only do you help in all sorts of ways, to get this podcast made, and get a transcription done, and all of that, but also we send you stuff. Let me tell you, I love mailing things, and I like mailing things to you. So, sign up at patreon.com/SaysWho, so I can do something I like.
Maureen:
Hey listen, are you about to inside for several weeks? Why not get some books? I'm serious, get some books. Also, if you're going to get those books, go to an independent bookstore, because right now, a lot of them are getting absolutely slammed because of cancellations of upcoming book festivals, et cetera, which is where they rely on a lot of their sales. So, if you can, if you're budget and availability allows, buying a book from a local bookstore right now is a huge help to them. It doesn't have to be one of mine, get any book you want.
Maureen:
If you get one of mine, I'm always going to say thank you. But, just going into any of those bookstores right now is a huge help, because really, they are about to take a beating. Books, please. Just books.
Dan:
Hey, this is Dan again. You know how you, Says Who listener, have asked repeatedly for there to be Says Who merch? Well, guess what?
Maureen:
What?
Dan:
There is! If you go to Merch, that is M-E-R-C-H.SaysWhoPodcast.com, you can order shirts, you can order mugs, you can even order a fanny pack.
Maureen:
That one shirt is absolutely my favorite, and will be the one that I'm wearing.
Dan:
That one shirt, being a three-quarter sleeve, baseball, softball style shirt that says, "They're not bright guys, things got out of hand."
Maureen:
I love it so much. What's nice about that one is that it's not overly political, so you're not walking around with that shirt on, but it's sufficiently mysterious. I really love it, and it just makes me happy.
Dan:
It is exciting. We will be rolling new things out, on the regular. Merch.SaysWhoPodcast.com, go get your stuff.
Drive Thru Kid:
Hello, welcome to McDonald's, can I take your order please?
The Passenger:
Can I get a [inaudible 00:02:53], and a-
Drive Thru Kid:
What? We don't ...
The Passenger:
Ginger tea.
Drive Thru Kid:
We don't have any of those. Are you ...
The Passenger:
Freshly squeezed orange juice.
Drive Thru Kid:
If you came at breakfast time, we do have that.
The Passenger:
Hey kid?
Drive Thru Kid:
You don't sound very good.
The Passenger:
I have a fever, kid, and a cough.
Drive Thru Kid:
You should not ... What are you ... Why are you out? You're supposed to stay ...
The Passenger:
They told me I'm fine, kid.
Drive Thru Kid:
Who?
The Passenger:
You know, work, him. Well, I went to CPAC the other ...
Drive Thru Kid:
No.
The Passenger:
... week, and I was playing Twister with Ted Cruz.
Drive Thru Kid:
Oh, boy.
The Passenger:
We were ...
Drive Thru Kid:
You should be out. Everyone ... well, most everyone says that you should stay home. Why are you out?
The Passenger:
You know that game where you have to pass the strawberry from mouth to mouth? You bite it, and you pass? We were doing that, and ...
Drive Thru Kid:
That game is gross, even when it's not the viral pandemic.
The Passenger:
Pence loves it, he says, "Mother loves it." I'm going to need a gallon of chicken soup.
Drive Thru Kid:
We don't have any of that.
The Passenger:
Okay, I'll take ...
Drive Thru Kid:
We have chicken nuggets.
The Passenger:
I'll take vegetable soup.
Drive Thru Kid:
That's not ... We don't have any vegetables.
The Passenger:
Do you have a kale smoothie?
Drive Thru Kid:
No.
The Passenger:
Robitussin?
Drive Thru Kid:
No.
The Passenger:
Hand sanitizer?
Drive Thru Kid:
You should be inside.
The Passenger:
I'm fine.
Drive Thru Kid:
You should be practicing social distancing.
The Passenger:
Kid, there's nothing I want more, but they said I have to pretend like I'm fine, because it's not supposed to be a thing.
Drive Thru Kid:
I don't think that you're fine.
The Passenger:
None of us are fine, kind. It's fine, it's all ... Oops.
Maureen:
Welcome to Says Who, the podcast that isn't a podcast.
Dan:
It's a coping strategy. I am Dan Sinker.
Maureen:
And I'm Maureen Johnson, coming to you from a comfortable distance, through which you cannot get infected.
Dan:
Maureen Johnson, we are three and a half years of recording this podcast socially distant.
Maureen:
That's right.
Dan:
I feel like we are prepared.
Maureen:
Oh yes, oh yes.
Dan:
We've got 1500 miles between the two of us.
Maureen:
That's right, we are remote. We're going to get to that, we're going to get to all of the things that are going on, because everything, everything's going on. Everything.
Dan:
Everything is going on. Says Whovians, we're going to try not to freak you out.
Maureen:
Yeah, don't freak out.
Dan:
There's a lot out there, that's worrisome right now, but this is a coping strategy, Maureen.
Maureen:
So, how are you?
Dan:
I feel prepared, I would say. We did some stocking up this weekend. I feel like things are okay. I am in a very lucky position, Maureen Johnson, in that my work is all remote already. We have two children that do go to school, and that will be ...
Maureen:
For now.
Dan:
Yeah, I was going to say, will be an adjustment when they don't, but I feel like my house, we are as prepared as we can be, I would say. How about you?
Maureen:
Well, I'm very much getting there. I traveled this last weekend.
Dan:
You did?
Maureen:
Yeah. Because our groceries, here in New York, we normally order groceries, that's just how they come because we don't have cars. They just come to doors, they drop the bags. Usually, they bring them in, but they've been instructed not to go into any apartments, so they just leave them by your door. I've been stocking up.
Maureen:
I've actually finally gotten out just a box, I had a spare cardboard box. But, I might really splash out, and go over to Ace Hardware and buy a bin, like a plastic, sealed bin, and I'm putting the shelf staple stuff in there, so we don't just get lazy and start using it. Like, "Ah, I need these canned tomatoes," or whatever. I'm actually going to seal them up, and shove them behind a piece of furniture, so that all of that shelf staple, oat milk, canned tomatoes, and pasta, and soup mixes is in there.
Dan:
Yeah, we have a tub that we moved things in, for exactly that reason because it is very, very easy to be like, "Oh, hey."
Maureen:
Not a bathtub, but a plastic?
Dan:
Yeah, like a Rubbermaid tub.
Maureen:
Yeah, I'm going to go out-
Dan:
Also, because if we didn't do that, we would be overrun with mice.
Maureen:
Well, that's ... Yeah, get ready.
Maureen:
Texas was great, I went to the North Texas Teen Book Festival, which has 15,000 kids come in.
Dan:
Oh my goodness!
Maureen:
Yeah, it was not small.
Dan:
That is huge!
Maureen:
Yes, 85 authors come in. It was like if Coronavirus hit there, all of YA publishing is going down temporarily. Seriously, that green room was a giant train station of YA authordom. It was really good, they had incredibly good protocols. They had a hard barrier, don't touch the authors, don't break the table barrier, so don't come around behind. No photos, no shaking hands. Hand sanitizer just dripping, buckets of it, everywhere you looked was hand sanitizer. Everybody was washing their hands, and watching everyone else wash their hands. Like we were all in a murder mystery together, trying to figure out who the murderer was. My hands have never been so clean. If I had a spare minute, I just washed my hands again. I'm like, "I went outside. I didn't even touch anything, I'm just going to wash my hands again."
Maureen:
On the plane, everybody was scrubbing their seats down like we were about to perform surgery on them. So, I had latex gloves with me, because I have latex gloves, and I often travel with them in case you need something. Somebody at the festival had purchased a box of medical grade wipes, Clorox hydrogen peroxide special wipes, and was giving them out secretly like, "Have a wipe." I got on that plane, and I wiped that down. I turned to my neighbor and said, "Do you want me to wipe your seat down with this medical grade wipe?" She was like, "Yes, please!" But, that will be the last travel for a while, Dan.
Dan:
Yeah. Yeah, have you been canceling?
Maureen:
This morning was cancel morning. I just, basically, hit the nuclear button on my entire March schedule. So, all of the upcoming travel, I'm still in the process of doing it, but I'm taking it all, and getting rid of it.
Maureen:
Guess who has jury duty next week, Dan?
Dan:
Is it you?
Maureen:
Uh-huh (affirmative).
Dan:
Oh, good.
Maureen:
Yes it is, Dan.
Dan:
Yeah, guess who is supposed to be an election judge, at a polling place for 12 hours next week?
Maureen:
Is it you, Dan?
Dan:
It is, Maureen. I'm going to be bringing a lot of cleaner.
Maureen:
One of our goals in the notes was, "Don't freak people out."
Dan:
Yes. Well, I think instead, let's talk about voting for a minute, Maureen?
Maureen:
Dan, I just said it was not going to be a fear inducing exercise.
Dan:
Well, true. A note for listeners, you are getting this podcast on Wednesday, the 11th of March, but we are recording it on Tuesday the 10th. So, the Tuesday night election results are not a thing that we have the ability to discuss. There are votes happening today, as we record, in Michigan, Washington state, Missouri, Mississippi, Idaho, and North Dakota. So, we don't know what those results are going to be, but at least, right now, it looks like most of them, if not all of them, are going to go Biden. Which Bernie won Michigan in 2016, he also won Idaho and Washington in 2016, and came very, very close to winning in Missouri, so it appears that we're not looking at a repeat of how things stacked up in 2016, that Biden is doing well, Maureen.
Amy Carter's Shoe:
That's right.
Dan:
Oh no. God damn it.
Amy Carter's Shoe:
It's going great, hello.
Dan:
Amy Carter's shoe.
Amy Carter's Shoe:
That's right, hello. How are you?
Dan:
I'm not quite over your visit from last week, but ...
Amy Carter's Shoe:
Ah, I'll be here a lot.
Dan:
What?
Amy Carter's Shoe:
I'll be here a lot.
Dan:
I know.
Amy Carter's Shoe:
Because my man Joe, my man Joe is surging up the polls. You know what I mean by surging up the polls?
Dan:
Oh.
Amy Carter's Shoe:
Surging up the polls! More like that pole is surging up, know what I mean?
Dan:
Oh, God. No.
Amy Carter's Shoe:
It doesn't really surge, don't worry.
Dan:
Oh, gross.
Amy Carter's Shoe:
That's right.
Dan:
It's going to be a big day for you, Amy Carter's shoe.
Amy Carter's Shoe:
It is going to be a big, it is going to be a big. This is what I've been waiting for.
Dan:
You had it, you had it pegged a long time ago.
Amy Carter's Shoe:
That's right. I told you all along, I was there, you should have listened to me.
Dan:
I should have, I didn't.
Amy Carter's Other Shoe:
But you should listen to me.
Dan:
Oh no.
Amy Carter's Other Shoe:
Hey.
Dan:
It's the other shoe.
Amy Carter's Other Shoe:
Yeah. Go Bernie.
Dan:
This is just, I live in hell.
Amy Carter's Other Shoe:
I'm feeling the burn.
Dan:
You are.
Amy Carter's Other Shoe:
It's usually sort of surrounded in the ball region, and the upper thigh region, that's where the burn is.
Dan:
Oh God.
Amy Carter's Other Shoe:
Feel that burn.
Dan:
Oh no.
Amy Carter's Shoe:
Shut up.
Dan:
Oh God, no.
Amy Carter's Other Shoe:
You shut up.
Dan:
This part, this part.
Amy Carter's Shoe:
Go Joe!
Amy Carter's Other Shoe:
Go Bern!
Dan:
Oh God, no.
Amy Carter's Shoe:
It's sister versus sister right now.
Dan:
It is.
Amy Carter's Shoe:
It's a real tense time in our family.
Dan:
I'm sorry for that, I'm sorry that you were a real matched pair until now.
Amy Carter's Shoe:
Do you have any questions for us?
Dan:
I don't know. I don't.
Amy Carter's Shoe:
You want to hear a song?
Dan:
Sure.
Amy Carter's Shoe:
It's 2020, and there is an election. I don't know about you, but that gives me an erection. So, it's time to make your selection, vote for my man Joe. His big hangly, dangly, wangy, big ball bags, time to hang down to [inaudible 00:15:16], like you never seen a coal mine. Stretch it like taffy on a loom in the summertime, vote for my man Joe, oh you should.
Dan:
Oh, God.
Amy Carter's Shoe:
Vote for my man Joe.
Dan:
Oh.
Amy Carter's Other Shoe:
Vote for my man Bern.
Dan:
God dammit.
Maureen:
It's really not funny, that's the thing about it. It actively annoys Oscar.
Dan:
The thing where you are just in a room, talking to yourself.
Amy Carter's Shoe:
And me.
Amy Carter's Other Shoe:
And me.
Dan:
Ah, God dammit. That is the part that kills me.
Amy Carter's Shoe:
Tonight's going to be a real night at home, I'm going to be watching with tremendous delight.
Amy Carter's Other Shoe:
It's going to be a good night for me, shut the fuck up.
Amy Carter's Shoe:
You shut the fuck up.
Dan:
Oh no. Oh, God. Are you done?
Amy Carter's Shoe:
I'm never going to be done.
Dan:
God dammit.
Amy Carter's Other Shoe:
We've been preparing for this, for four years! Go Bern, feel the burn! Feel the burn!
Amy Carter's Shoe:
I'll tell you where you'll feel your burn, in your ass!
Dan:
Oh God! No. Oh, God.
Dan:
Are you done?
Maureen:
I don't know, are you done?
Dan:
I don't know. I'm not doing anything.
Amy Carter's Shoe:
Stretch it like taffy on a loom in the summertime.
Dan:
Oh.
Amy Carter's Shoe:
No matter what.
Dan:
I think we need to look into what it would take to manufacture a Says Who podcast brand taffy.
Amy Carter's Shoe:
Delicious! What's it going to taste like, all salty like a sweaty, salty flavor? Saltwater taffy? Salty, sweaty balls, delicious, sweaty balls.
Dan:
Oh, God.
Amy Carter's Shoe:
Remember that time that Joe was like, "I used to have people comb the hair on my legs?" That was hot. He's sexy.
Dan:
Oh no.
Amy Carter's Shoe:
Everybody sees what I see now, yummy!
Dan:
Oh, God. Oh. My face hurts.
Amy Carter's Other Shoe:
When Bern goes for a [schvit 00:17:29] ... Shut up, I was talking to her! When my man Bern goes for a [schvitz 00:17:34], you can come the hair on his legs too, I've done it.
Amy Carter's Shoe:
Shut up! You have not, you stupid bitch!
Maureen:
Okay, they're getting very, very testy with one another. It's due to be like that. I mean, their family dynamic really reflects what America's family dynamic is right now, which is everyone punching everybody, like a cartoon fist fight, that's just one of those spinning circles of air with the occasional fist and shoe coming out.
Dan:
It is.
Maureen:
It's not great out there.
Dan:
No, it's not. It is not. In fact, Maureen Johnson, I have to say that I made a decision this week that I need to think I need to concentrate a lot more my effort on the Senate race than the Presidential race right now.
Maureen:
That seems like a really, really smart move, and something we all have to do because lots of stuff has just slid into play.
Dan:
Yeah. I mean, I think that either way, the Senate is equally as important in recapturing as the Presidency. All of the energy, and effort, and the vacuum of information is all taken up by the Presidential race, and most certainly continue that way, even as we know our options.
Dan:
We need to start paying attention to what states are winnable, including momentary Presidential candidate, Montana Governor Steve Bullock, is going to run for Senate in Montana, which is actually a real good thing.
Maureen:
Obviously, we do have to mention that Elizabeth Warren dropped out, in the interim which was hard.
Dan:
God, that's right, we recorded last Wednesday, and she dropped out on Thursday.
Maureen:
We were watching, even then, thinking it's about to drop. It did, and I got a lot of messages from friends about how hard it was.
Dan:
Yeah, it sucked.
Maureen:
It did suck, it sucked a lot. But, now we move on, Biden versus Bernie, the two big Bs.
Dan:
Yeah.
Maureen:
After tonight, even by tomorrow, you future people, Says Whovia, you know more than we do right now, but you'll have a much clearer idea of what's coming.
Maureen:
Dan, I was actually stunned into silence there, for a minute, because I think that ...
Dan:
You were, just really saw that come to a real ... It wasn't a screeching halt, it was more like a real slow spin.
Maureen:
Let's just talk about it, because everything is a little crazy right now, there's a lot of disruptions.
Dan:
Yeah. A lot right now, and likely many more to come.
Maureen:
Yeah, this is the beginning of ... Don't get freaked out, there's going to be stuff that happens, like disruptions, and a lot of confusing stuff, a lot of canceled plans, and social distancing. Working from home, school closings, and all of the complications that result from that because, obviously, one of the main problems with America is a very unstable healthcare system, so a lot of people that either can't get care, or don't have paid sick leave, so if they're sick, they can't stay home. Also, a President who told people that it's fine to go to work. We'll get there.
Dan:
Yeah. We just on the start of what is going to be a ride, I think.
Maureen:
It's going to be a very weird month.
Dan:
I think that they talk about practicing social distancing, and by that they mean keeping yourself apart from other people, especially large groups and things like that, which is very smart. This is not a thing that is new, at this point. You can see, the countries that have been most effective at minimizing the impact of this, are the ones that have been most quick to implement social distancing, and that sort of thing.
Dan:
But, I also think it is a time for social whatever the word is, the opposite of distancing, in terms of reaching out to people, right? In terms of checking in on friends, and family, and that sort of thing. Figuring out ways of hanging out virtually.
Maureen:
FaceTime, group chats, Discord, mobile gaming on Steam, playing some Stardew Valley together, cooperatively. We're in a good time for that, because it's real easy to do it.
Dan:
Yeah, it is remarkably easy to do. Working that muscle out, and checking in with people, setting up times to just have a call with friends, and not just work, is a good idea right now.
Maureen:
This is a really scary, bad situation, but it's important to always see positive steps that can be taken, and just positive, general prep.
Maureen:
For example, I live in New York City, I live on Manhattan, which is an island. We rely on a lot of deliveries, a lot of ... When we've had various events like 911, or hurricanes, or et cetera, sometimes there are supply disruptions. Also, it's Manhattan, which means a lot of sick people. We're going to have sick people here, because we all live on top of each other, we're all in each other's faces, all the time, often literally. If you've ever been on a subway at rush hour, that is you're literally in faces with other people.
Dan:
Oh yeah.
Maureen:
Every day, I've been going out and getting just a couple more things, like really simple things. Spaghetti, soup mix, just stuff that will be easy to make, not just to have in case of shortages, but if you're not well ... What if somebody gets sick? I tried to pick up stuff that would be super easy to make.
Dan:
Right.
Maureen:
People are going to get sick, and you're going to get stuck at home, and you're not going to feel well. You're going to need some soup, and some juice. Anything that you can get. But also, if other people need it, in the building, to go around and be able to, "Here's some soup I got." We have elderly people in this building, we have people that might need it.
Dan:
Definitely.
Maureen:
It's getting weird here, in New York. I don't want to brag, but we are number one for cases right now, New York.
Dan:
Oh man.
Maureen:
We are.
Dan:
Chicago is just dragging, we've got 11 right now. That's it.
Maureen:
I've got my big foam finger on, we're number one.
Dan:
Congratulations.
Maureen:
Thank you. Which is not a surprise, just because, again, the way we're set up. We don't live on farms, with great acreage around us, we are all up in each other's business. I literally live in a building with hundreds of other people. It's like we live in a giant dorm.
Dan:
Well, speaking of dorms, they just announced this morning, that Harvard is closing, and students are supposed to move out of their dorms, by Sunday.
Maureen:
What?
Dan:
Yeah. You did not see that?
Maureen:
No. It's not just remote classes, they have to leave?
Dan:
They have to leave. Classes are remote, but yeah, they're closing the dorms.
Maureen:
I know Columbia closed, but I didn't know people had to go home from various places.
Dan:
Yeah. I think Amherst, too, just announced that yesterday. But yeah, Harvard was this morning.
Maureen:
It makes sense.
Dan:
This is where we're going. The thing that is so interesting to me is this is a virus that has been moving around the world for a couple of months now. There are countries that are ahead of us, here, and you can see what they've done, and you can anticipate what should, and hopefully will be done here. Certainly, closing schools, and universities, and things like that has been a very early part of what people are doing.
Maureen:
Or, shutting down South by Southwest, which is a major part of the economy of Austin.
Dan:
A major part. The more that sort of thing happens, actually, the more I feel like, okay, there are actually rational decisions being made right now. It doesn't feel like it's at the top there are rational decisions happening, but local health officials and things like that, are beginning to make what are very difficult choices, even when, at the Federal level, there's a bit of tomfoolery happening, I would say.
Maureen:
Oh yes, really? Do tell.
Dan:
Really, Maureen Johnson. Let us talk about the news of the week.
Maureen:
All right.
Dan:
Maureen, which is that, in any given area, there are clusters of infections, they often ... This is true with other countries, where you often see clusters are around gatherings, around close knit groups. There's a religious sect in South Korea that actually is 60% of all of the discovered infections in South Korea. And, we're beginning to see that happen around the CPAC conference, which is the Conservative Woodstock conference that happens every year.
Maureen:
Conservative Comic Con.
Dan:
Yeah, exactly. Exactly. Let me bring you back, to February 28th, Maureen.
Maureen:
I wish you would.
Dan:
Which is, the conference happened the 27th and 28th of February, I believe. On the 28th, Mick Mulvaney, the White House Chief of Staff, at least at that time ... we'll get to it ... was up on stage.
Maureen:
I don't have Coronavirus, I'm choking on coffee because I laughed. Oh my God, sorry.
Dan:
You are illustrating, essentially, what Mick Mulvaney sounded like, on stage, because he coughed throughout his entire sit down interview and talk, which is something to go back and watch it now. Not only is he coughing, he is blocking his cough directly with his hand, and then he is shaking hands with the moderator at the end.
Dan:
But, he was up on stage, explaining that the media was ginning up the Coronavirus. His reason for it is that they were doing it now, because the impeachment had ended. Up on stage he said, "Why didn't you hear about it, the virus, when it was spreading across China?" Which, I'll interject, we did. He said, "What was still going on four or five weeks ago? Impeachment, and that's all the press wanted to talk about." Well now, the press was covering their hoax of the day, because they thought it would bring down the President. "The reason you're seeing so much attention to the virus today, is that they think this is going to be what brings down the President, that's what this is all about."
Dan:
Now, mind you, he was coughing like fucking crazy, the whole time. We have not seen Mick Mulvaney since, who knows why? But, he was fired a week later, Trump tweeted out that he was no longer the Chief of Staff. He replaced him with Representative Mark Meadows. This is Trump's fourth Chief of Staff, in three years, if you're keeping score.
Dan:
Maureen Johnson, Mick Mulvaney getting fired isn't even the story, because when he talked about the Coronavirus being the thing that might bring down the President, I don't think he meant it literally. And yet, it turns out that there was an attendee at CPAC who has tested positive for Coronavirus. It was not just somebody in the hall, watching the talks, it was somebody who had gold status, special access, and spent much of his time hanging out in the green room, at CPAC.
Dan:
I want to read you a Twitter thread, Maureen.
Maureen:
I wish you would.
Dan:
From Raheem Kassam, who is not a good person. This is the cohost of Steve Bannon's podcast, okay? Just to couch the fact that this man is no hero, but this is a thread from last night, Monday night. I'm going to just read the whole thread.
Dan:
"I've now spoken to a number of people who were in and around the green room at CPAC, when the attendee with Coronavirus was there. People are apoplectic about how they have not been better informed of what happened. The attendee was there for much of Thursday, at least."
Dan:
"The reason I am tweeting this, I have been flu sick unwell for the past week, and now I am finding out there are people I was in direct contact with, who were in direct contact with the infected. And yes, I know who it was. Everyone at the CPA Shabbat dinner should be checked, the attendee was there. Furthermore, the attendee may have been in and around the green room, just after the Vice President was present."
Dan:
"If Ted Cruz came into contact, and so did Paul Gosar, that places the gentleman in the green room between one PM and five PM. I know now that Rep. Gosar met the person, and within the next hour, I was shaking Gosar's hand, across the street." In all caps he writes, "Great." Then, in parentheses he adds, "I have been down with the flu for the past week."
Dan:
He concludes, "Here are some of the other people who had been in the green room, on Thursday afternoon, at the same time as the CPAC Coronavirus infectee. Rep. Louis Gohmert, Rhona McDaniel, Michael Knowles, Kay James, Kelly Ann Conway, Betsy DeVos, Matt Gaetz, and Diamond and Silk."
Maureen:
Dan, I can't. I can't, Dan. I can't. I can't. I don't ... it is ... How's he doing?
Dan:
Well, he is still sick. Yesterday, much of his ... I guess, that thread was written Sunday night, let me just correct that. Because yesterday, much of his Twitter was filled with him attempting to get a Coronavirus test. Shock of shocks, coming up with the realization that maybe the CDC is not handling this well, so there's that.
Dan:
Anyway, he started the thread because both Ted Cruz and Paul Gosar announced that they had been in contact with somebody, and that they were self quarantining.
Maureen:
Dan, I ... Well, you know how Ted Cruz has his stockpile of Chunky soup?
Dan:
It is his time.
Maureen:
We laugh at Ted Cruz, but he's been ready.
Dan:
Maureen, if he self quarantined on Sunday night, how many cans of Chunky soup do you think he's worked through, at this point?
Maureen:
Let's see. Eight.
Dan:
Oh man, I'd figure he's like, "I'm so excited!" And just plowed through. He just plowed through 20, before he realized that he had reduced his stockpile by a fifth.
Maureen:
He's sitting there calmly, sitting on a stool. It's in a big warehouse, and it's got a single light bulb, and you just see all the Chunky soup. He's just on a stool, staring at it, saying to himself, "Pace yourself, Ted. Just like you trained, pace yourself."
Dan:
I just like the idea that he descends into a sub-basement.
Maureen:
Yeah.
Dan:
With a key for a padlock, he locks it above himself, and then he reaches into his pocket, has a velvet case. Unhinges it, and inside is just a single spoon. He's ready.
Maureen:
That is 100% what's happening. There is a single hot plate down there, with a single soup pan, and a single bowl.
Dan:
Do you think he does it in a pan, or does he just put the can right on the hot plate?
Maureen:
No, a soup pan. I will say this, he's Texan. They know how to cook in Texas.
Dan:
I don't think he knows how to cook.
Maureen:
He doesn't know how to cook, but he's picked it up along the way.
Dan:
Technically, he's Canadian.
Maureen:
And he went to Princeton.
Dan:
It's true. I don't think he learned a lot about cooking at Princeton.
Maureen:
One does not simply put the can of soup on the hot plate, not at the supper clubs.
Maureen:
Having just been to Texas, Dan, and having had a weekend of Texas food, I don't know. My stomach just gurgled when I said that.
Dan:
I do like Texan food.
Dan:
So Paul Gosar who, if you remember almost two years ago now, there was a Conservative running in Arizona, and an attack ad was put out against him that featured his six siblings, all explaining why you should not vote for him.
Maureen:
It was a beautiful thing.
Dan:
That was Paul Gosar. He is, apparently, according to his six, count them, six siblings, a real dick. He has taken his self quarantine a real existential crisis, tweeting out yesterday morning, "Been thinking about life and mortality today. I'd rather die gloriously in battle, then from a virus. In a way, it doesn't matter, but it kind of does."
Maureen:
Maybe I should run for office, Dan. I always thought that it was beyond me, but I'm wrong.
Dan:
Maureen, he is hoping to die gloriously in battle, when he is not self quarantined, when he is not doing shitty things in Congress, and when he does not have his six siblings recording attack ads against him, he's a dentist.
Maureen:
Dan ...
Dan:
Since Cruz and Gosar announced, Doug Collins, the head of the House Judiciary Committee, one of the major players in the latter half of the impeachment investigation, has announced that he's self quarantined. And, Maureen Johnson, Florida Representative Matt Gaetz announced that he was self quarantining.
Dan:
Gaetz, you will remember, took a bunch of photos of himself in a gas mask, to mock the House's insistence on emergency funding, on Coronavirus. And, announced that he was self quarantining yesterday, after spending the day with Trump, riding in the limo, and riding on Air Force One.
Maureen:
Dan, is ...
Dan:
Finally, Maureen, last night, Mark Meadows, the new Chief of Staff for President Trump, announced that he was self quarantining, as well.
Maureen:
You know that GIF from Firefly, where he's trying to say something then he keeps going back to his mouth, and just looking, and going back? I just did that in real life, by accident. I don't know what to say, except I am ... I'm doing it again. Dan?
Dan:
Yeah?
Maureen:
Side note, also the head of the New York Port Authority has tested positive. This is not about the CPAC thing, this is just a point of order that government officials get this, all the time. I mean, several people have died in Iran's government. I think the French Minister of Culture tested positive this morning. Also, if you look at Congress, these are all people that are highly susceptible.
Dan:
Well, Maureen, let's not forget the fact that we have the final two Democratic Presidential nominees, who keep holding rallies with many, many people, are both in their late 70s.
Maureen:
Yes. Yes.
Dan:
So, there's that, there is that. Meanwhile, Maureen, literally the people closest to President Trump are busy self quarantining, one of them literally rode on Air Force One yesterday.
Maureen:
And was at Mar-a-Lago over the weekend.
Dan:
Yeah, and yet Trump is still attempting to downplay the threat, including working a rope line, at the Orlando Airport yesterday, coming off the steps of Air Force One, and walking up to an assembled group of people who were there, exclusively to shake his fucking hands.
Maureen:
Can I stop one second, here, Dan?
Dan:
Sure.
Maureen:
I know that you're going ... maybe finish any news on this front, before I say something?
Dan:
Okay, all right. That's the insistence on downplaying this a real thing has been, seemingly, entirely about not spooking the stock markets, which are suitably spooked at this point.
Maureen:
We should mention, also, as you may have noticed, the stock market tanked the other day.
Dan:
Yeah, yesterday, 2000 points down. It appears as if, as we're recording, it is making back some of that ground.
Dan:
But, as far as anyone that seems to understand can tell, the main reason for the Administration's attempts at downplaying this are to not tank the markets, because one of the few things that the Administration can claim is that the stock market did real well the last few years. So, if they don't have that come November, they may have trouble. But, it ain't working so well, at all.
Maureen:
I'm not laughing laughing, I'm just kind of going, [inaudible 00:43:59]. Dan, Dan, Dan, Dan. Dan! Dan.
Dan:
Maureen, Maureen, Maureen.
Maureen:
You know, Trump loving relative, right? The one that went to the Trump store the other week, and got the hat and the sign?
Dan:
Yes.
Maureen:
I'm not really sure he believes this is a thing. It's getting me upset, Dan. I will have you know that, remember I mentioned the running thing?
Dan:
Yeah.
Maureen:
I went out, and I ran? Well Dan, I've made it a thing. I continued doing it, I did it down in Texas, I got one of those apps, the couch to 5K. The trick seems to be not doing so much that you find it overwhelming, it's very paced. Run a minute, walk, run, walk, run, walk. I've actually kind of looked forward to it. I don't know if it's for me or not, in the long term, but we'll see. I don't hate it. Yeah, that's ...
Dan:
That is awesome! That's awesome.
Maureen:
Yeah, sorry. Just in that one second that I paused, a little email flashed up about cancellations. I'm like, "Oh, that's going to be the whole day."
Dan:
Yeah.
Maureen:
Yeah, it's going to be like that, guys. Here's the [inaudible 00:45:22]. The next couple weeks are going to be weird, it's okay. I've lived through lots of weird, I know you've lived through lots of weird.
Dan:
Oh, yeah.
Maureen:
Stuff gets disrupted, this is life. Sensible precautions, guys. Get some stuff in. For example, if you find out you need to quarantine, you need about 14 days worth of stuff.
Dan:
Right.
Maureen:
Get cold medicine in, some soup, some tea, a couple bags of cough drops. It's a coughing thing, just stick them away. I know that it's easier said than done, a lot of this stuff, if you don't get sick time, or budget stretching to buy an extra two weeks worth of food.
Dan:
After our big shop this weekend I said to Janice, I'm like, "We've got to be a little careful until next payday, now."
Dan:
My general feeling was, right now, it's going to hurt a little bit financially to buy all this stuff. If we need it, then we'll be happy that we did it. If we don't need it, it's all stuff that we would be buying, over time, so there's virtually nothing that we bought that wasn't stuff that we would be eating anyway.
Maureen:
Yeah, that is a good thing. When this passes, you can still eat the food.
Dan:
For me, it was like, "Well, we're going to take a bit of a financial hit right now, but we'll be making that up, over shops to come, provided that we don't actually need this stuff."
Maureen:
I'm also making some homemade soup. I keep takeout containers, whenever I get them. I wash them, and store them, like a maniac, but I hate wasting them. I'm going to freeze portions of soup, so that ... I'm just going to make it in advance, and put it ... we don't have a big freezer or anything, we have a New York sized kitchen. We don't have a lot of space to actually keep food, so I'm putting it in bags, sometimes, making them flat.
Dan:
Yeah, totally.
Maureen:
So I can store them stacked. It's quite economical to make homemade soup, because you can also use a couple of really cheap vegetables, and make something totally delicious.
Dan:
Yeah.
Maureen:
Literally, you can use a potato, a carrot, and a leek, and a turnip, if you want, and simmer it in some broth. Mash it up, and that's basically Irish vegetable soup, it's one of the best things, it's delicious. And, it's super cheap to make. It's a good time to make soup.
Maureen:
I will always be a proponent of making soup, it is very economical, and you can freeze up portions in advance. Then, if you need them, just defrost them, you've got soup.
Dan:
Yeah. And, you know what? Good time to start a hobby. A good time to just say, "Hey, you know what? What are some offline things that I can do, in my house, that I've wanted to do for a bit?"
Maureen:
Oh yeah. If you're like, "I always meant to clean out that thing," guess what?
Dan:
Or, "You know what? I've always meant to knit," get some yarn and a couple of needles, and you may well be good at knitting.
Maureen:
Read the books you didn't read, play a board game.
Dan:
Yeah, get some good games in that mix, for sure.
Maureen:
Exercise at home, there's a lot of free or cheap apps, there's always YouTube videos on yoga and stuff, and you can do that in your home, for zero dollars.
Dan:
Yeah. Oh man, can I tell you about the best thing that my friend LaToya told me about last week, Maureen?
Maureen:
What?
Dan:
If people need both a way of keeping calm, and to motivate themselves, the RZA from the Wu Tang Clan, has, on Spotify, a series of guided meditations.
Maureen:
What?
Dan:
It is fucking amazing.
Maureen:
Wu Tang Clan meditations?
Dan:
Yes.
Maureen:
I'm in.
Dan:
There are the best back beats, he's got the best voice. He calls them guided explorations, but they are very much about re-finding creativity, and things like that. They aren't just calm, but they are awesome.
Maureen:
Please post this link, because I want this very much.
Dan:
If do a search for RZA, R-Z-A, on Spotify, will pull them up, Maureen. They are five of them, they're only five minutes long. It's not a whole long thing, but they are amazing. They're so good.
Maureen:
Dan, what are you going to do with your kids, if they are from home?
Dan:
Yeah, that's going to be a thing. We live in a real small house, winter breaks and spring breaks can get tight. You know what? It will be fine. Again, we work from home already.
Maureen:
And you spend all summer in an Airstream together.
Dan:
Yeah, we spend our entire summer in 27 feet of space together, so this is luxurious compared to that. We're used to having kids around. I have very good work discipline, where I remove myself, if I need to, to get my shit done, because I have worked from home for, Jesus, seven, eight, nine years at this point. But, it will be a thing, there will be some screen time, Maureen Johnson, for sure. You know what? It'll be fine.
Dan:
Again, we are in a very lucky position. I certainly have friends that have kids and are like, "I don't know how this will work, because I'm hourly, because I work at a hospital." There are many challenges to it, we are incredibly lucky that it will be sometimes hard, but not, by any means, impossible. It's wild. It's wild, Maureen.
Maureen:
Dan?
Dan:
Yes?
Maureen:
I have a shag carpet in a bedroom, I've had this shag carpet for 10 years. It is very beloved to me, it's soft, it's welcoming, it's comforting, it's just a lovely thing. It is an absolute biome. All of our dogs have pooped on it, barfed on it, peed on it. I would occasionally send them out to a place at Queens, where they soak them at a vet for two weeks to clean them, it's very complicated.
Maureen:
Finally, I turned to Oscar the other day and said, because the dog pooped on it again ...
Dan:
Oh, God.
Maureen:
I was cleaning it off with a brush again, and I said, "I think I'm done, I think I'm done. It's time to get a nice, low pile, new area rug in here."
Maureen:
It arrived, so yesterday, by myself, I pulled up the old rug, which was very hard because I had to life the bed by myself, and pull an eight by 10 rug out. It was a hell of a workout. Then, I pulled that out, I pushed the bed away, I cleaned the floor behind, I did the whole thing.
Dan:
Yeah.
Maureen:
Then, Oscar got home. We exchanged, where one lifted the bed. It's a heavy fucking bed, it's heavy. Laid the pad down, got the whole thing, set it up. It was like, yes. We were just dripping with sweat, it was hard, got it down.
Maureen:
Middle of the night, Dex wakes up, 1:30AM, jumps out of bed, barfs on the rug. [crosstalk 00:53:52]. But, the thing was, I had prepared, that's what's so great about the new rug, is that it's low pile. Also, I treated it three times with this spray, before we put it down. So, I was able to clean it up, really easily. That's the key, Dan. If you prepare, when things go wrong, you've got the system in place for when they go wrong is what I'm saying.
Dan:
Yeah, preparation is good. To me, when we finished the shop we did this weekend, there was a direct and immediate sense of relief for me, where it was just like, "Okay, good. That's done, I don't have that stress anymore." It's good, reducing stress is a good thing to do right now, Says Whovia.
Maureen:
Know in advance that stuff is just going to get disrupted, and go wrong.
Dan:
Yes.
Maureen:
You see, Dan? When I grew up with crazy people, but I've always been ready, Dan. I grew up with the nurse mom that's always like, "Let's always be ready." I was taught scrubbing procedure, that's how I washed my hands. I was taught how to make bleach solution, and how to properly clean things like they do in the hospital, Dan. I've had gloves always, no one is more ready at all times than me. I'm awake, alert, just sitting there, staring, staring, ready to go. I've got stuff, Dan. I've got tarps, and duct tape, and spaghetti. Dan! It's all happening, my moment is here.
Dan:
This is your time.
Maureen:
Damn right it is.
Dan:
This is your time.
Maureen:
Yes it is.
Dan:
Says Whovians, Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon, at patreon.com/SaysWho. I just did the March mailings, so hopefully people are getting some nice stuff in the mail this week, very happy to see you getting those things.
Dan:
And, launching today, at Merch, M-E-R-C-H.SaysWhoPodcast.com, is the Says Who podcast merch store, where you can get things like the "These aren't bright guys and things got out of hand," three-quarter sleeve t-shirt, or mug! You can get a t-shirt with me and Maureen looking spooky together on it.
Maureen:
It's really good stuff, yeah.
Dan:
You can get a Who Apron apron, get a Grow For It mug, that's got a dead tree on one side, and a leafy tree on the other. A fanny pack that just says, "Meet you at the haunted mansion," and a shirt with all of Maureen's crushes on it.
Maureen:
That's right, it's real beautiful.
Dan:
Merch.SaysWhoPodcast.com.
Maureen:
On that note, thank you Says Whovia, and we'll be here, it'll be safe. You have us.
Dan:
Absolutely.
Maureen:
Says Whovia is a beautiful place because you never need to quarantine in Says Whovia.
Dan:
It's true, it's true.
Dan:
And, if you want to reach out, and chat with great people, you can join the discussion on Facebook, at /Groups/SaysWhovians. It is active, and full of wonderful, supportive people, and our Facebook group is moderated by Janice Dillard.
Dan:
Our theme music is performed by Ted Leo, our logo was designed by Darth, who's back, and is a source of joy, even at a time where that feels in short supply. You can contact us @SaysWhoPodcast on Twitter, you can email at hey, that is H-E-Y, @sayswhopodcast.com. Spread the word, subscribe, and please leave stars and reviews on Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen.
Dan:
You can join us next Wednesday ... I have to look it up, I didn't write it down, because I'm a dummy. All right. I'm going to read you that. You can join us next Wednesday, March 18th, for our next episode.
Maureen:
We'll see you then, and we'll see how we're going.
Dan:
Yeah, things will be different by then, so we will talk to you then. We hope that you are washing your hands.
Maureen:
And staying well.
Dan:
Don't touch your face.
Maureen:
Don't touch your face.
Dan:
I've got some fabric tubes, Maureen, to make me stop touching my face. I'll just touch the fabric tube, instead. I'm serious.
Maureen:
All right.
Dan:
People say that one of the big reasons to wear a mask is simply to not touch your nose and mouth, so I've got tubes.
Maureen:
Well, you've got tubes.
Dan:
And, from my basement in Chicago, I am Dan Sinker.
Maureen:
From my bunker in New York, I'm Maureen Johnson.
Dan:
This has been Says Who.
Dan:
Tubes.