You can always trust Maureen and Dan to be on top of breaking news.
It’s the big day! Time to learn Joe Biden’s VP pick! Dan and Maureen are here covering it live, and definitely did not record this episode precisely one hour before the news broke. Of course they know who it is!
Because they are professionals, they cover all the news of the week, like how good America is at having COVID, how cool reopening plans are, and how bad Maureen’s school was at taking care of sick students. But the big story is the VP, and they totally know who that is. Completely.
Also, Maureen has an idea. Things devolve.
Says Who: it’s no a podcast, it’s one of many podcasts.
Dan:
This episode of Says Who, I had a real song in my voice, today is brought to you by you through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho, that's the place where every single Sunday forever, apparently, we do a whole second podcast called Quarantine Sunday that is available if you support at the $5 a month or up level. Every Sunday.
Maureen:
It's like I followed you to a second location is what I did.
Dan:
Mm-hmm (affirmative).
Maureen:
Dan, a couple of years ago you were like, "Follow me Maureen for this eight episode thing." I was like, "Okay, Dan." And I followed you and then you're like, "Hey Maureen, let's just make a couple things." I was like, "Okay, Dan." So apparently I'm just going to follow you directly to hell.
Dan:
Yeah, well we're already there. Patreon.com/sayswho
Maureen:
It's hot. The official New York Weather Service described today's weather as inducing, and I quote, instant sweat. It is not nice out there, so stay indoors because you're already indoors, stay indoors and read a book. And if you want a book, maybe Truly Devious is a book for you. It's still for free on Kindle Unlimited if that's something you have or you can get for free at the library or, you know what, you can also read it and then you can strap it to your face as a mask. You can just totally open it up and just put it over your face and just duct tape it around your head and it's like a really big mask. You can just put it on, just wrap it around your head, it's like having a face shield, you have a face shield.
Dan:
Sure.
Maureen:
I mean you could.
Dan:
I mean you could.
Maureen:
I'm trying to promote reading.
Dan:
If you would like something to put on your face, you could get a "These Aren't Bright Guys and Things Got Out of Hand" face covering at merch.sayswhopodcast.com. Maybe you have a lot of things already to put on your face because you have a lot of books or whatever. Instead, you could get a coffee mug that says, "Do More or Doom less." Or another one that says, "These Aren't Bright Guys and Things Got Out of Hand." Or even another one that's the Says Who logo, we have things for you at merch.sayswhopodcast.com. Maureen Johnson, big news.
Maureen:
Wow.
Dan:
If you haven't been paying attention, we have big news.
Maureen:
Yeah we do.
Dan:
Big news, big news.
Maureen:
How exciting. It was exciting.
Dan:
Big news. Joe Biden.
Maureen:
Joe Biden.
Dan:
VP pick.
Maureen:
That is, oh my god.
Dan:
It is important, it's exciting.
Maureen:
It is.
Dan:
I'm excited.
Maureen:
Dan? Dan I think they know we don't know.
Dan:
It's probably already been announced, we don't know.
Maureen:
Exactly, we don't know.
Dan:
But congratulations whoever.
Maureen:
Dan? Did you set up a balloon drop in your own house?
Dan:
I did. There's balloons everywhere.
Maureen:
How many balloons?
Dan:
700.
Maureen:
Yeah.
Dan:
Welcome to Says Who, the podcast that isn't a podcast.
Maureen:
It is a coping strategy, I am Maureen Johnson.
Dan:
Man, you really read that so naturally. And I am Dan Sinker. Maureen?
Maureen:
Yup.
Dan:
We don't know who the VP pick is, we are recording this at one o'clock in the afternoon on Tuesday the 11th of August. If history is any guide, it will be announced in an hour when we hit stop, but I do know something else. This is our 150th episode.
Maureen:
Oh, it's tough to hear.
Dan:
150 and Maureen Johnson, as if that wasn't enough, somehow it is also basically our 150th day inside. This is some fucking numerology shit, it's all lining up.
Maureen:
Five months, Dan.
Dan:
Five months, 150 episodes, neither one feels that long.
Maureen:
When we locked down in March, when did you think that we would be back out?
Dan:
Well, I will tell you, when we locked down in March, my kids' schools closed for three weeks and when they announced that I said there's no way they're going back this school year. But I did think that fall was likely and I will also say when we locked down in March, pretty shortly into that moment, Janis needed to make a decision on whether she was going to sign up for the fall half marathon at Walt Disney World and she did. And we also tentatively booked a hotel room and the thinking was, well, either we can cancel if things are bad or more than likely, this will be a great way to celebrate the end of what's going to be a hard few months. And we just canceled those hotel plans, so.
Maureen:
I did read that the Magic Kingdom and Disney World in general reduced their hours this week.
Dan:
Yeah, I mean, it's a little bit of a gotcha reporting because they always reduce their hours after Labor Day. But their hours were already pretty short and now they are even shorter.
Maureen:
But Labor Day hasn't happened, it's August.
Dan:
Right, but they only announced that they are, they are still their summer hours, they published their September hours and I think the actual Magic Kingdom it's open from like nine to six or something ridiculous like that which is not a lot of time there. But anyway to answer your question Maureen, I thought that we would be, back in March, that the fall was probably a realistic goal for when this would be if not behind us certainly easier.
Maureen:
I had a conversation with Oscar probably in April or so when it was really bad here and we were like when do you think there'll be in-person dining again. Not because we wanted to go, but because so many businesses here in New York have been just pounded. Because when you think of New York, what do you think of? You think of theater, restaurants and all the things you do at night here are closed, all of them. You don't go to bars, you don't go to restaurants, there's no theater, there are no clubs, there's nothing. Nothing.
Dan:
Theater is officially shut until '21, right?
Maureen:
Yup. Broadway announced closing until January pretty early on and yeah. So all the stuff that people really associate with us, it's weird because every once in a while when I'm walking around outside in the evening, taking the dog out, you're used to seeing people going out for the night, coming in for the night from all the stuff that happens here and you just don't see it. It just doesn't happen, everybody's home.
Dan:
Just tell me that my main designator of New York City is still intact, people are still just piling their garbage bags out on the street, right?
Maureen:
Oh yeah.
Dan:
Phew.
Maureen:
So hot and stinky.
Dan:
One of my truly enduring and endearing New York memories was I was staying at a hotel that overlooked the streets right behind the Port Authority over on, what is that, on 8th?
Maureen:
8th, yeah.
Dan:
Yeah.
Maureen:
Nice.
Dan:
And so you got to see the buses drive in all day and all night and it was garbage day and there was very long line of garbage bags aligning one side of the sidewalk and then I realized I could take an accurate photo to prove that it was longer than a bus as the bus drove up right next to the line of garbage bags. Love that town.
Maureen:
Yeah, I mean I think that August in New York is very much defined by the smell of garbage, it is.
Dan:
Definitely.
Maureen:
Oh boy, it is hot, this is when we turn into a terrible fever swamp, but nobody goes anywhere at night. But I was saying, when we were talking about it in April like when do you think and we were like I don't know, maybe July? Well, and that is for sure so far in the future that we don't know what that looks like yet, but it did not happen in July.
Dan:
It did not.
Maureen:
They're just handling this COVID thing pretty well, Dan, I think.
Dan:
Well, I mean, to credit where it is due, New York seems to be the best if not among the best states in the nation right now.
Maureen:
Fuck yeah we are.
Dan:
Positivity rate under 1% which is truly phenomenal.
Maureen:
Now to be fair, we cannot get test results, so there is that. The wait time on test results is like 10 days.
Dan:
That's true everywhere right now unless you're a professional sports player.
Maureen:
In which case you can have them in five minutes.
Dan:
Yeah, so that's cool. Our priorities are in the right spot, Maureen Johnson. Or sure, but yeah, 150 days very specifically tomorrow in listening time, Thursday, will be 150 days since the White House promised that we needed 15 days to slow the spread. That was on March 16th.
Maureen:
Did it happen?
Dan:
Well, we just crossed five million cases.
Maureen:
We did it.
Dan:
And we just crossed 160,000 people dead, so I think that we needed more than 15 days. I think. Maureen.
Maureen:
Yeah.
Dan:
We're not doing great.
Maureen:
No.
Dan:
I mean, we are in a funny moment where it does look like case counts are going down again because last month's hot spots, Texas, Florida, Arizona, California are starting to curve down. But other parts of South Midwest are really starting to pick up the slack right behind them, but you're talking about between California, Texas and Florida, that's basically a third of the entire population of the US. So if their case numbers start going down, it looks like everywhere is going down, but it's not. It's not, Maureen. We have really not done well.
Maureen:
And this week there was a, well, it's in process right now, it just started, there is a very famous motorcycle rally which takes place in Sturgis South Dakota.
Dan:
Yeah.
Maureen:
And gets about a half a million people, takes over the town.
Dan:
It takes over many towns in the Black Hills. I have actually been up in the Black Hills, my family and I have a remarkable knack for ending up in the Black Hills usually the week before Sturgis, but sometimes the week of Sturgis, and I can tell you that it is not contained just to Sturgis. Basically every little mountain town up there has their day in what is a 10-day thing.
Maureen:
It's the Comic-Con of motorbikes.
Dan:
It is the biggest, I mean, it is fucking wild. I have actually always enjoyed going up there at that time because it is just so fucking otherworldly in terms of just how many motorcycles you see and people you see and it's just, it is fucking wild. Not the time to be doing it, especially not with the clientele that it attracts where a lot of maskless folk, a lot of just not good.
Maureen:
So yeah, it's estimated about 250,000 people have-
Dan:
Which is half normal.
Maureen:
Right, no, that's not a hard figure, but we're talking multiple hundreds of thousands of people.
Dan:
Yes.
Maureen:
Gathering maskless, going to bars and as we learned last night, going to concerts. Namely they're going to see Smash Mouth.
Dan:
Who wouldn't?
Maureen:
You know Dan, when I saw this headline about Smash Mouth, it was like a mad lib. The headline was, "Thousands of bikers turned out to watch Smash Mouth play a concert in the middle of a pandemic." Which just sounds like you should have blanks in there. Thousands of group noun turned out to watch name of group, play a concert in the middle of a event. So I started to make up a couple, thousands of ski instructors turned out to see Chumbawamba during a meat storm was one. Or thousands of forensic accountants turned out to see Sir Mix-a-Lot during a tire fire. You can just generate your own. Take any group of people, any '90s band that you didn't really hear much about since and just stick in something terrible and you've got this headline and Smash Mouth really seem to want to stick it to COVID. As if that's like a thing you can do, but Smash Mouth did famously sing that they ain't the sharpest tool in the shed.
Dan:
Proving it.
Maureen:
Dan.
Dan:
All sorts of decision that are very good are being made like schools are reopening. Most districts, New York not being one, but most large districts have opted to do remote including Chicago which had release day and in-person planned and then the teachers union was basically like the fuck you are and they were like, you're right, the fuck we are and released a remote plan. New York isn't and that one's complicated because your positivity rate is very, very low, so that is one.
Dan:
But one place that does not have a low positivity rate is Georgia and last week we saw the opening of North Paulding high school in confusingly Dallas Georgia and on day one some photos leaked of crowded hallways just filled with shoulder to shoulder with almost no kids in masks. Day two we found out the student that took those photos was suspended for taking the photos which is usually a good sign of leadership. About a few days later we saw a video of the school board meeting discussing of which North Paulding is within that district, discussing various ways of getting around state requirements.
Dan:
Like one thing that is recommended and that most schools are following is that if you have a case that is discovered, you are supposed to inform anyone that was within six feet of that person or in a class with that person. No, it must be within six feet, let me rephrase that. You're supposed to inform anyone that was within six feet of that person or sitting adjacent to that person for 15 minutes or more, you're supposed to let them know in an attempt at contact tracing.
Dan:
I know with my own kids' high school, that was going to manifest if they do end up doing in-person at some point where every kid will have an assigned seat so that they can very easily say, okay, this person was surrounded by these people including in the lunch room you would have an assigned seat. So this school board was discussing, well, if it's 15 minutes or more and we have to disclose, what if we just had the kids move every 14 minutes and switch seats?
Maureen:
Can I talk about school boards for just one second, Dan?
Dan:
Oh please.
Maureen:
Because first of all, I know that there are some wonderful hardworking people that serve on school boards, they exist.
Dan:
Yeah, a friend of mine serves on a school board and it is important work.
Maureen:
When people on school boards are bad, it's the worst thing ever.
Dan:
Yes.
Maureen:
I mean, okay, so my mother was a school nurse for 30 years. And so this North Paulding high school school nurse resigned because she was whistleblowing early on, she's like you cannot reopen to cure all the problems you're going to have, I'm the nurse, I am responsible, here's what's going to happen and then she quit in protest. I told my mother that, she was like, "Good for her, I hope the School Nurse Association gets on board." Because she's like, "It's impossible, the job there, it's impossible, this is an impossible task."
Maureen:
But I used to be a school secretary. In the summer I worked at the school and I would have to do things like prepare stuff for the school board and go to the school board meetings and the people that were on the school board were some of the biggest chuckleheads I have ever, ever encountered in my life. I don't know what was going on at the time, but the people in the school board in that area were some of the worst people I have ever encountered.
Maureen:
At public hearings, if you questioned them, like if you contradicted them, they would start yelling at you or they would just get up and walk out. I watched one guy sleep through a whole public meeting, he just put his head down and went to sleep. And you had to bow and scrape and prep everything. I mean, so when a school board is bad, it's the worst. It's so bad. And when they're good, they're good and when they're bad, they're bad and the good school board people know that when it goes bad it goes bad.
Maureen:
And frequently book challenges, we always have encounters with the worst of ... hold on Dan, I've got to turn my air-conditioning back on. I'm dying, Dan. Instant sweat. It's very hot, Dan. Dan, I may have mentioned that I have a condition that's aggravated by heat?
Dan:
Yeah.
Maureen:
All night last night. Up at five in the morning, twitching.
Dan:
Not good.
Maureen:
I can't take it anymore, I can't take the heat anymore, my body can't take it. Anyway Dan.
Dan:
Back to North Paulding high school in Dallas.
Maureen:
Yes.
Dan:
You will be shocked to learn that just barely less than a week from re-opening, they announced that they had nine cases of COVID and that everyone was going to remote learning though surprisingly for only two days.
Maureen:
Sure.
Dan:
Not sure what that's about, although-
Maureen:
So they opened and then they knew there were nine case in the building and they didn't shut down right away, if I understand it correctly.
Dan:
Is that right?
Maureen:
Yes. I believe that is what happened because people were furious that they didn't shut down. And they were like okay, we're going to shut down now for two days.
Dan:
Look, everyone's moving every 14 minutes, we don't have to tell you shit.
Maureen:
Everyone's moving every 14 minutes is the most bad school board decision. It makes me so mad.
Dan:
To be fair, I don't think they actually implemented that, but it was-
Maureen:
But that's the kind of ideas.
Dan:
... the great suggestion of a school board member. She was quite proud of that idea.
Maureen:
Oh Dan, the school board members I've had to face off with, it's always like the book challenge people, these are the same people that'll be like, "What if we moved every 14 minutes?"
Dan:
Yeah.
Maureen:
They are the same people I deal with Dan and it makes me mad.
Dan:
The good news is you'd also get your physical fitness requirement out of the way.
Maureen:
Just shuffle around. Seriously Dan, I have had so many conversation with school nurse mom about this, like how would you do it? How would you do it? And her answer is you can't.
Dan:
No.
Maureen:
In a big high school, she was a school nurse in a technical high school where a lot of the learning is literally hands on so she had a lot of wood shops, kitchens, places with fire and power tools and they were always cutting off their fingers and stuff. But she's like wait, we're dealing with stuff non-stop, she's like, we have ... she would have to do things like if she had a student with a severe peanut allergy that she knew was incoming, she would have to walk their path before school started to make sure that they were never walking within so many feet of a kitchen or anything like that.
Dan:
Wow.
Maureen:
Yeah. Imagine you had to do that for one student with a peanut allergy. She never ate lunch or sat down, she frequently didn't get to go to bathroom, she would work 10 to 12 hour days. It was a hard job and partially because of the nature of the school, but she would frequently talk about compliance and she would say, "If you're telling me that the way students have to go to school is that their parents have to take their temperature any morning," she's like, "The chances of that happening are zero."
Dan:
Yeah.
Maureen:
She's like, "A lot of times, people's attitude was they're at school now, it's your job, take of them." Even if she had a student that needed to go to the ER, she's like you have to pick them up and take them to the hospital or doctor and they'd be like no, they're at school, it's your problem. It's a really complicated situation and a lot of stuff is already going on at school. Like really, really serious things are already going on at schools that they're dealing with.
Dan:
Yeah.
Maureen:
And compliance is low or people just don't know how to do it. They don't know how to ... there are people that literally don't understand some of the basic of what they, they're not medical people, so they don't know. But it seems like there's ... also Dan, can I just talk about my own high school for a minute because we would all be dead, we would be dead. We would be dead. Back in the old NA where I went, I've told you before about my bus drivers.
Dan:
Yeah.
Maureen:
The ones I used to give back rubs to and we get in a bus crash or the one the guy kept asking me out and then he ripped out my seat or the guy that used to taking us the McDonald's and leaving us there every morning while he hit on the woman behind the counter. So that was the bus, but Nazareth had a lot of stuff going on at the old Catholic school, but I don't remember there being a nurse. Other people say there was a nurse, like a temporary part-time nurse, that they'd seen her, I remember once a year someone will come in and measure us and check our eyes and that was it.
Maureen:
But there was nowhere to go if you got sick. So if someone didn't feel well, the teacher would be like, "Girls, does anyone have any pills?" And so everyone raise their hand and then shake out their purse and various things would fall out and you'd be like, "Do you want to taste this? Why don't you take this random medication?" I remember one time, I had really bad cramps and so I said does anyone have anything and somebody gave me something that it was an over the counter medication, it wasn't like anything crazy.
Maureen:
But it was a pamper that must have had a slight like maybe some Benadryl or something make you tired, but I didn't know that except that I was walking around and all of a sudden I was walking to my ... I walked fully into a locker and then I went to a class and just fell asleep. Just flat out fell asleep in the chair and then I was like, "What am I going to do? I've taken something and I have to fight this thing because I'm dead asleep." Because there was nowhere to go.
Maureen:
If you didn't feel well, just put your arm down. It's like you broke your arm, put your head down. You're on fire, put your head down, girls just put your head down. Find some pills, put your head down, this was a place where we had to keep going to viewings of dead bodies, but this was we would be dead. We'd be dead. They'd be like, "Girls, if you've got COVID, just put your head down and pray. Does anybody have anything weird in their purses you can take? Just cough on each other. Cough on each other." We'd be dead.
Maureen:
I'm sure it's better now, but we would not have made it, Dan, I'll tell you that much. We wouldn't have made it. They didn't even let us take our blazers off in the chapel when it was instant sweat weather until two people passed out and you would wait. You would wait, you would be there in the chapel and (singing) thunk, and we'd all look around (singing) thunk. All right girls, you can take off your blazers. Like that was it. Two people had to pass out before we were allowed to take off the stupid blazer. We'd all be dead.
Dan:
Well, that's great. That's just great. Well, Maureen, speaking of things that make me want to feel like I was dead, we are 50 days away from the first presidential debate.
Maureen:
Shut your stupid bearded face.
Dan:
We are the end of September is when it all starts really happening.
Maureen:
Oh my god, we're 50 days away from the first debate, Maureen. Oh my god, we've been in quarantine 150 days, is there a 150th episode. Oh my god, can you believe it? Sorry, I'm just doing you Dan, that's you.
Dan:
I can't breathe. The good news about the debate is that Trump has an ace negotiator working his side in Rudy Giuliani.
Maureen:
Yes.
Dan:
He's back from the Ukraine and he's ready to take on the Commission for American Debates or whatever it's called, should have written that one down.
Maureen:
You shine on you crazy diamond.
Dan:
Yes, Rudy is already making the case that they should in fact add a fourth debate and soon to the debate lineup arguing that with early voting and mail in voting being very ubiquitous this year for all the obvious reasons that they should have a debate before any mail in voting starts because that doesn't make a lot of sense. But they seem to feel like getting Donald Trump in a debate with Joe Biden is going to change the whole game for them because they have convinced themselves that Donald Trump is more coherent than Joe Biden is.
Dan:
I don't know that I buy that, I mean you can roll back to last summer when you and I fucking grinded through the 4000 different Democratic debates, neither of us were particularly impressed by-
Maureen:
Oh Christ, was that last summer?
Dan:
It sure was.
Maureen:
Oh my god.
Dan:
By Joe Biden's oratory skills, but this is Donald Trump we're talking about.
Maureen:
It's going to be the most amazing thing that has ever happened.
Dan:
Is it though?
Maureen:
It's going to be like Ren and Stimpy but real.
Dan:
It is going to be just an hour and a half of my life flashing in front of my eyes.
Maureen:
Oh my god, I can't believe these debates are going to happen. Oh no, four debates, oh boy. And then I have to watch all these debates, Maureen, it's going to suck.
Dan:
Well, speaking of things that are going to suck, the Democratic National Convention is right around the corner. In fact, it starts Monday the 18th which Maureen means that Joe Biden came back in the news with a vengeance this weekend by riding a bike. And now people are watching flight trackers because Joe Biden is holed up in Wilmington Delaware and so there are all sorts of interesting private flights flying into Delaware all week.
Maureen:
Dan, I don't want to brag, but I am the resident Delaware specialist.
Dan:
Well that's great because I would guess, if someone were to have me list all the states by memory, I would never in my entire human life remember about Delaware. So hit me with some Delaware facts.
Maureen:
Undergrad at the University of Delaware.
Dan:
Really?
Maureen:
Yes.
Dan:
How did you never know this?
Maureen:
You didn't know that?
Dan:
What are they, the Fighting Dels, what are they?
Maureen:
No, the Fightin' Blue Hens. Yeah.
Dan:
No.
Maureen:
Yeah, it's the Fightin' Blue Hens.
Dan:
You could literally just make anything up right now and I'd believe you.
Maureen:
So yes, it's the Fightin' Blue Hens and there's a big ... so there's a sculpture on campus that you ever see those metal chickens you can buy at like Crack-
Dan:
So, like a blue hen is just a chicken?
Maureen:
I guess, it's blue though. And you know those chicken statues you can buy at Cracker Barrel and stuff, like the metal chickens? You can buy them kitschy, imagine that but 15 feet high and blue, there's one of those on the ... so it's just a big metal chicken and the joke was always if anyone graduates a virgin, that bird's going to fly. But yes, I went to the University of Delaware and so I am the resident Delaware expert. As previously mentioned, it's the home of tax free shopping, so if you want to go to the mall in Delaware it's tax free.
Maureen:
And there's Wilmington and then just below Wilmington like 10 minutes down the road, there's Newark which is where the university is.
Dan:
Wait, Delaware is like the size of a couple city blocks and they couldn't come up with a name of a city that wasn't already taken?
Maureen:
It's tough being in Delaware, Dan. And then there's a canal and then once you pass the canal, that is referred to as slower Delaware. And the rest is like a beach and it's a bunch of Grotto Pizzas, those are at the beach so it's just some stuff. I guess they'll make some garden centers. Dover's down there somewhere, but yeah, I have spent significant time in Delaware, why do you think I know so much about Joe Biden?
Dan:
Because your Delaware's favorite daughter and he's Delaware's favorite son.
Maureen:
Yeah. On the list of famous University of Delaware alumni, you will see Joe Biden and you will see me. I appear in the list with Joe Biden.
Dan:
That's amazing.
Maureen:
Yeah.
Dan:
Well, he's been taking visitors, flights have been tracked from Burlington Vermont, from South Bend Indiana, real mysteries who these folks may be. And from Bar Harbor Maine which I did not know. Just today, a private flight took off from Wilmington Delaware, flew to Bar Harbor Maine and then turned around and flew back. That is where former Obama ambassador to UN Susan Rice lives. There has been a lot of watching private flights fly in and out of Wilmington's airport and lining it up with people and I got to say, I'm into it. I'm into that, I like that kind of sleuthing, Maureen.
Maureen:
Yeah, I know you like our flight tracker.
Dan:
If I was running the Biden campaign, I would be like fucking fly this plane everywhere. People are fucking tracking this shit, fucking awesome. Fucking who's got a private airstrip, fly it there, right? Like just fuck with people as much as possible, if they're watching, fucking fly that shit to Hawaii and back. Just be like, is it Tulsi? Like where does fucking Marianne Williamson live, fucking fly it into her backyard, right? Just bring it, bring it. That would be my A1 thing would just be like, hey, okay and now you know what? While you're in flight, plane, can you do like a cursive fuck you. Like just do that too. Fucking sign me up, put me in Joe. I will fucking let you fuck with people via private jet for the next 48 hours, I'm in, let's do this. The amaze fucking private airstrip at Disney World, fucking land it. Like oh shit, they're getting Mickey Mouse on the ticket.
Maureen:
Buzz Mar-a-Lago a couple times just for funsies.
Dan:
Yeah, exactly.
Maureen:
Dump the sewage on it.
Dan:
Yeah, like the fucking Dave Matthews Band.
Maureen:
We dumped our shitter on Mar-a-Lago by accident, sorry.
Dan:
It'll be the best.
Maureen:
Dan's back, he's back.
Dan:
You know when people post their runs and they've run the shape of a middle finger flipping someone off, I'd be doing that in the air. All those flight tracker people. Everyone that was watching the drone circle protests earlier this year, right? It's like we can make shapes. Just fucking draw boobs in the air. They may have already announced this person by the time you hear this, so if you are listening, I am going to do some technical wizardry and right now I'm going to interrupt myself and tell you to advance to this time, the 43 minute mark, and that way you can just hear us react to whoever got picked. But now, in this time, in this life, we are going to talk about this. It's time, Maureen, to make our VP picks.
Dan:
We are basically ensuring that the minute I press stop, the real announcement is going to happen. But who do you think? Here's the shortlist that I've seen. You've got Karen Bass who's a California congresswoman who was floated about a week ago and then a bunch of footage of her praising the Scientology opening in LA seems to have maybe moved her backwards. You've got Tammy Duckworth who's my senator from Illinois. War hero and pretty cool person. Got Gretchen Whitmer, the governor of Michigan who very notably battled Trump early in the COVID times around getting PPE and things like that for Michigan.
Dan:
And you have Susan Rice who is Obama's former national security advisor and ambassador to the United Nations during the Obama run, And Kamala Harris, former presidential candidate, most notably dunked on Biden in the early debates, they really feel like a long time ago, don't they? That doesn't feel like a year ago. And current senator to California, you also have Elizabeth Warren, another former presidential candidate, she has been heavily involved to the best of my understanding in a lot of policy stuff for Biden over the last few months.
Dan:
So, that's the general shortlist, Maureen, who do you got? Who do you got? Who do you got?
Maureen:
All right. I don't think it's going to be the woman that was like the Scientology center is awesome. That's just embarrassing.
Dan:
Yeah.
Maureen:
That's tough to come back from. We all know who it's going to be.
Dan:
Okay?
Maureen:
We know.
Dan:
Mayor Pete.
Maureen:
Can you imagine?
Dan:
I can't. I can and I can't all at the same time. Schrodinger's Pete.
Maureen:
Is Kamala Harris too obvious? I mean it just seems like that's the way the wind is blowing, but.
Dan:
I mean, it seems like that's the way the wind is blowing. To me, there was some dust kicked up last week around the vetting process and that they didn't want ... they were worried that Kamala Harris might be too ambitious because she wants to be president. Which always seems funny because Joe Biden ran for president three times and then became a vice president. What vice president is like the last fucking thing I want in my life is to be president? Jesus, no, anything but that. Fucking kill me before I need to be president. That seems like not the thing you want in a vice president since a lot of their job is to become president.
Maureen:
Maybe it'll be Tim Kaine.
Dan:
Who?
Maureen:
Dan, you know who Tim Kaine is, he was Hillary's running mate, we been through this.
Dan:
No, she never picked a running mate. Just part of the really strange things about that campaign.
Maureen:
It was Tim Kaine. Now, there you go, it's going to be Hillary Clinton.
Dan:
That would be a real curve ball, wouldn't it? I would love to see that.
Maureen:
She just comes out in a cloak, "Hey, bitches."
Dan:
I'm back. Just double birds the camera.
Maureen:
All right, this is my list. Hillary Clinton, Melania Trump.
Dan:
I like it.
Maureen:
Let's see, Elsa from Frozen, oh Dan, who do you think it's going to be?
Dan:
I think it's going to be Else from Frozen.
Maureen:
All right. No, come on, who do you think it's going to be?
Dan:
Moana.
Maureen:
Dan, come on.
Dan:
I think it will probably be Harris. I would pay actual money out of my own pocket to watch Harris and Pence go.
Maureen:
Somebody made the joke yesterday that if Pence has to debate a woman, does his wife have to be there?
Dan:
Probably, holding his hand under the table. I would like to see that, I think that will all right, I'd be all right with that.
Maureen:
So any moment now, any moment now we're going to know.
Dan:
But right now we're going to use the magic of radio.
Maureen:
Okay.
Dan:
Old timey radio magic and Maureen Johnson, you are going to react to this great decision and announcement that the vice president has made.
Maureen:
Wow, congratulations to-
Dan:
Kamala Harris.
Maureen:
Wow, Biden-
Dan:
Harris.
Maureen:
... it is going to be just the most ... I can't wait to see these Biden-
Dan:
Harris.
Maureen:
... debates. And Biden and-
Dan:
Harris.
Maureen:
... doing everything they're going to do out in the trail, get those Biden-
Dan:
Harris.
Maureen:
... stickers and those Biden-
Dan:
Harris.
Maureen:
... shirts and those Biden-
Dan:
Kamala Harris.
Maureen:
Just sounds so good together. I mean, you have to replace this every time, don't you Dan?
Dan:
Yup, going to do it. It's going to be fun, no-one will know.
Maureen:
All right.
Dan:
And they'll be like man, they were on it. Breaking news with Maureen and Dan. Do you want to know my big Trump vice president theory?
Maureen:
Go ahead, hit me.
Dan:
So, all of the Democratic stuff has to happen first because the DNC is happening before the RNC. The RNC famously was supposed to happen in North Carolina then they moved it to Florida and now they moved it online. And so Biden's pick is timed entirely to give momentum into the DNC and then there's a week or two and then it's the Republican National Convention. Well, Republican National Convention has no star power, is going to be online, is going to be fucking dumb. Unless you really want to see Diamond and Silk do whatever they're going to do, I don't quite know why anyone would watch.
Dan:
They are floating the idea that Trump will give his acceptance speech maybe from Gettysburg which is a choice, that's a choice. Here's my out there theory, they're going to replace Pence with a woman.
Maureen:
Just any woman?
Dan:
Probably.
Maureen:
Ivanka?
Dan:
Probably, literally the discussion will be we need a woman, we need a lady on the ticket. He's got a lady, we need a lady. But it would certainly mix things up, it would give a splash, I have long maintained that putting Pence in charge of coronavirus even though he really has not been in charge of coronavirus is like a run this dude over with bus anytime you want card, right? So they could swap him out and reporting this week is that South Dakota governor Kristi Noem has traveled to Washington D.C. twice in the last few weeks and has entertained Donald Trump's request to have his face added to Mount Rushmore. And let me tell you, if she can make that happen, she would be VP in a fucking heartbeat.
Maureen:
Dan.
Dan:
Apparent she gave him a model. Don't you want to see that fucking model?
Maureen:
Between that and Trump saying that the Spanish Flu ended World War II yesterday, everything hurt.
Dan:
Yeah.
Maureen:
My brain started to swell and crush against my skull.
Dan:
My favorite thing and this, to me, almost insures that this is a thing that will happen, but there have been various people that have been consulted like engineers and shit that basically say if you were to try another face to Mount Rushmore, all the other faces would fall off. And that feels like just the most perfectly Trump thing ever, right? Just destroy all of Mount Rushmore to feed your own ego.
Maureen:
That would be magnificent.
Dan:
Would be. It would be. But anyway, that's my very out there theory. I think that they will get themselves a lady, Maureen.
Maureen:
Can you do that? Can you just dump Pence? I mean I guess you could.
Dan:
Yeah, I think that the main purpose of a convention is to ratify your ticket, right? So anything goes for who's one the ticket in 2020 until that is ratified. So, I think they could. They could just be like guess what, you're out. You know he'd just announce it on Twitter, right? Pence would be like, "Hey, wait."
Maureen:
Hey guys, oh man. Oh man.
Dan:
Guess it's back to Indiana for me.
Maureen:
All right, I guess so.
Dan:
I'm excited, November whatever day, here we come. Is it the 3rd? I don't even know.
Maureen:
I'm going to look on my calender, let's see, 3rd. Looks like it's the 3rd.
Dan:
Yeah, November 3rd we're coming for you.
Maureen:
Oh my god, November 3rd. November 3rd it's just a ... so right now, oh, we are two and a half months out.
Dan:
Yeah.
Maureen:
Two and a half months.
Dan:
I don't actually sound like that, I hope. Says Who.
Maureen:
Dan, wait.
Dan:
What?
Maureen:
First of all, this means that we're about to get into the worst of the year.
Dan:
Oh yeah. Oh yeah, this is all been just fucking cakewalk until now. Hope you all enjoyed it. Hope you all had a nice chill part of the year.
Maureen:
I want to know when you think this actually announcement is going to be.
Dan:
If I were to, I would guess tomorrow. If they're fucking setting up a set at the one fancy hotel in Wilmington.
Maureen:
You know what, you just stop that. It's a fancy town.
Dan:
What are there two? They're two?
Maureen:
It's a state capital.
Dan:
Well, we've got embassy suites.
Maureen:
Okay. We don't have embassy suites. Tell them of tax free shopping.
Dan:
Yeah.
Maureen:
Some real bargains.
Dan:
You can set up a lot of fucking shell businesses if you want.
Maureen:
You know what, Delaware because-
Dan:
That's probably why Pete was flying there. He's like, "What, just needed to open another P.O. Box."
Maureen:
It's just an LLC, man. Because there are so many corporations registered in Delaware, I will say this, the state's rich os the school has a lot of money. Has really good facilities.
Dan:
You can build a lot of blue hens.
Maureen:
You know, we used to joke that whenever the school got a dollar they would buy a brick because everything is brick. Like the brick pavements, it's like the fucking yellow brick road but brick. And it's just brick everywhere, just they were like we got to buy brick, instantly buy a brick, just brick walkways, they just love bricks more than anyone has ever loved a brick, the University of Delaware loves a brick. They like bricks.
Dan:
Good, it's good.
Maureen:
I'm just telling you.
Dan:
I love a good love story. I like a love story.
Maureen:
We had really nice ice rinks at the school.
Dan:
Sure.
Maureen:
Two Olympic size ice rinks.
Dan:
Wow.
Maureen:
Yeah.
Dan:
Speed cannon.
Maureen:
Olympic skaters train there. I took ice skating as a class.
Dan:
You're a speed skater? I'm learning so many things about you this episode.
Maureen:
I'm not a speed skater, I took figure skating one.
Dan:
You're a speed skater from Delaware.
Maureen:
I'm not. I'm not a speed skater, I'm from Philadelphia thank you very much.
Dan:
All of these things are shocking to me. Didn't even know. 150 episodes and I'm still learning new things.
Maureen:
That's right and you're going to keep learning new things because you think I've told you everything? I've barely scratched the surface, Dan.
Dan:
Oh, I thought you were going to go with, "You think this is over? November 3rd."
Maureen:
Well that's also true because I absolutely do ... Dan, that's the thing.
Dan:
Yeah.
Maureen:
I think November 3rd is a starting point.
Dan:
Oh god.
Maureen:
I think November 3rd is like it's sort of an entry. Honestly, when do I think we're going to know who's president? I don't know, February, I don't know.
Dan:
I mean, I didn't ask, but sure.
Maureen:
I mean, I'm just telling you, I don't think it's going to be in November, that's for sure.
Dan:
I don't think it's going to be in November.
Maureen:
Oh my god, Dan, stock up on your meds everybody. Why do we do this? Hey Dan, I just had an idea.
Dan:
What?
Maureen:
Let's start a podcast that starts, like a third one, where it's after the election that's just waiting for the election results.
Dan:
I'm in. What could happen? It would only be a few weeks, I'm in.
Maureen:
Come on, let's do it.
Dan:
I'm in. I'm in, sign me up.
Maureen:
Let's do an episode each week, we're waiting for the election.
Dan:
I'm in, I'm in. Yes. And we have it on tape that this one wasn't my idea. I only went along with it.
Maureen:
Oh Dan, we have to do it.
Dan:
Oh, we're doing it.
Maureen:
Oh no.
Dan:
We're doing it. We launch it on election night because that was also a good idea when we did that last year. Election night kicks it off and we don't finish it until there's a president.
Maureen:
Dan, it was not last year, it was four years ago and it's still-
Dan:
Whatever years it was.
Maureen:
It was so sad. I remember just we were live and at some point I got so sad, I just said I have to go.
Dan:
You did.
Maureen:
And then I just walked around outside.
Dan:
That's right.
Maureen:
And then I took an Ativan and said to Oscar because it hadn't been called yet, I was like just let me sleep. I want one more night of it not being true. Let's do it live.
Dan:
Well this time.
Maureen:
We'll start out new podcast.
Dan:
Exactly, it'll be every Tuesday night. We'll do Tuesday night and then the normal episode comes out on Wednesdays and [inaudible 00:53:25].
Maureen:
Oh no. It's called Says Who Two. It comes out at the same time.
Dan:
Says Two.
Maureen:
Says Two. Oh my god. Oh, I'm crying, oh gosh.
Dan:
I almost threw up. Oh god, that's going to be good.
Maureen:
Oh, Dan, we're really doing it aren't we?
Dan:
Oh, most definitely.
Maureen:
You heard it here first. Says Two. Oh god, please help us. Please help us, no.
Dan:
My chest hurts so much right now.
Maureen:
Oh Dan, it's just going to be when are we recording again? Oh no, we've got the COVID one, we've got Says Who, we got Says Two. Oh god, it's just back to back to back podcasts. Oh here we are, it's Tuesday night again. Well, who is president?
Dan:
See you tomorrow. Says Who is made possible by you through your support of our Patreon at patreon.com/sayswho. Where every Sunday you can get a bonus episode of Says Who if you're a $5 a month and up. Oh god, I have literally just like fucking tears running down my face right now.
Maureen:
Oh, you can get so much podcast for your money.
Dan:
Patreon.com/sayswho. Our theme music is performed by Ted Leo, we're going to need to get more theme music. Our logo was designed by [inaudible 00:56:14] I can't describe the pain in my chest right now.
Maureen:
I was drinking, I was drinking. Dan, are we okay?
Dan:
No, we're not. You can contact us @sayswhopodcast on Twitter.
Maureen:
And Says Two podcast on Twitter.
Dan:
You need to lock that in. Oh, let's see if that's available. Twitter.
Maureen:
No, Dan, stop.
Dan:
Dot com slash.
Maureen:
Oh no.
Dan:
It says two, oops, two. Oh, it's already there.
Maureen:
Oh.
Dan:
Whoa, they have one follower, they joined in 2018, they've never posted. You know Maureen, I used to have some fucking suction in this world. I could have gotten us that fucking Twitter account, but every single person that I know at Twitter that could make that happen has left. Anyway, I am out of breath. You can contact us @sayswhopodcast on Twitter, you can email at hey, that is H-E-Y, @sayswhopodcast.com. Join the discussion, I think I pulled a muscle on Facebook, my back. Join the discussion at on Facebook at /group/sayswhovians. Our Facebook group is moderated by Janice Dillard, you can spread the word, subscribe and please leave stars and reviews, you've been doing that thank you, on Apple Podcast or wherever you listen. And you can join us next week Wednesday the 19th of August for episode 151.
Maureen:
How many podcasts can we start Dan? We'll start another one?
Dan:
I mean, no.
Maureen:
Come on.
Dan:
It's like some kinds of dare.
Maureen:
Dan, are we going to close this off and then just both of us suddenly realize that just because we thought it'll be funny just committed to a third podcast?
Dan:
The fun thing is is that it's like every time we're entering into some sort of death pact and then we just do it again.
Maureen:
Can't fool us.
Dan:
The smartest two people you know.
Maureen:
You can fool us.
Dan:
From my basement in Chicago, I am Dan Sinker.
Maureen:
From my apartment in New York, oh god, I'm going to have so many podcasts, it's all we do Dan.
Dan:
That is a very true statement.
Maureen:
This has been Says Who.
Dan:
I need a bath. I need a fucking nap now. I am out of everything. Just out of everything.
Maureen:
Oh god, we're really going to do it too, that's the worst part.
Dan:
That is the worst part.
Maureen:
That's the worst part is it's not even a joke.
Dan:
The absolute worst part is that it's already done. Speaking it, simply speaking it made it into reality. You spoke it into existence.
Maureen:
This has been Says Who.